Friendzone

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the friendzone is an excuse just to put off rejection, untasteful satisfaction and possibly just no reasoning. more like see you later sucker. that's just how the cards are played out.

I been in the friendzone a lot. What really hurts is that I really wanted to be their friend even thou they wouldn't date me & they kept coming to me to complain about other guys they dated & they'd make comments about how they wished they could find a guy like me.

What exactly are "ridiculously obvious" invitations? They can't have been that obvious if they went over your head for 20 years.

I'm no expert on social interaction, but shouldn't it be kind of obvious that talking to a single close friend that swings your way about how you want to find someone like them could stir up trouble? I know I'd try to word things a bit more tactfully than that in such a conversation.

Lol, you think all guys want is sex? That's so cute

Maybe when you grow up you'll realize that plenty of guys want to have a fulfilling relationship.

Lol, girls don't care about most of that stuff. Girls don't demand guys have their own place or a university degree for the simple reason that many girls don't have that stuff themselves.

I've dated a number of girls who didn't have a university degree or their own place and so didn't expect me to have those things either.

I've never met a girl who expected me to play a musical instrument. There's no need for guys to be interested in things that women stereotypically find interesting because there's plenty of nice women who are interested in things traditionally associated with guys.

I'll admit you were right about needing to have a job. Women like men with jobs. A lot of them have that prerequisite it listed on their OCK profile.

No they don't.



Who wants to be with someone who's going to be a burden? A jobless person is quite likely to be a burden. I can attest to this since I myself am currently jobless and wouldn't expect anyone to consider me relationship material in my current state.

Degrees are pretty good because they tend to require at least some basic level of intelligence and commitment to acquire, both of which are pretty desirable traits. And degrees can lead to rewarding careers so there's that too.

Many do.

Do you know what every guy is thinking?

Are you a guy? If yes, just because it's what you're thinking, that doesn't mean it's what every other guy is thinking.Here I agree with you entirely.They don't always lead to rewarding careers. Sometimes they lead to a massive debt.

For certain career types, a degree is a necessity, for other people, a degree is a desperate gamble that it might make them more employable. Some people use university as a way to kill time before they find a job.

That's why I said degrees CAN lead to a rewarding career, not that they WILL. I'm studying mathematics and IT. I like to think that's not a complete dead-end. Well, it's a social dead-end but hopefully will lead somewhere useful career-wise. If nothing else it's interesting (except core units which can bloody well bugger off). I've been thinking about doing a second degree after that, in engineering no less. Perhaps keep that to part-time while working. Frankly the idea of not studying has always seemed strange to me.

I guess that's a bit of a tangent but whatever. My opinion on the friendzone can be summarized as "quit complaining and move on".

WTF? Are you seriously telling me I am ethically obliged to have a romantic relationship with someone if they want one with me?

Generally, that's how "Friendzoned" people feel, even if they don't articulate it. It's an over-developed sense of entitlement, sorta like the lame idea that you simply must show gratitude by gushing over every little gift or favor they give you, whether or not you actually appreciate it.

[sarcasm]

You really should be grateful for every creep who so much as thinks of you.

[/sarcasm]

Not ...

You've always got the option to:
- ask the girl out when she becomes/is single
- tell her moping about dudes who treat her badly is getting old and say "how about those [local sports team]?"
- stop being her friend if you wanna be more than friends, i.e. The opportunity cost of spending tons of time with a girl who doesn't wanna date you is that you could be spending that time trying to find a girl that does.

"So no girls like me, does this mean I have permission to be sexist and rude to them?"
Wth, no you dont. Nobody has permission to that, how does that even make sense to you?? With that attitude no wonder you arent able to get a girlfriend, im surprised they even want to be friends with you..

Honestly im not sure if you are trolling or not since this thread sounds so ridiculous, so sorry if i didnt catch the sarcasm?

Here's what I've learned. There are plenty of girls that are in college that understand your struggle, especially if you're in college too. I actually rarely get friend zoned EXCEPT for girl I meet on dating sites. I don't even get friend zoned on other websites. My point is, the girls on dating sites, I have come to realize there is a reason they are on there. They usually have very high standards. I have talked to girls on there that showed an interest in me and then stop talking to me since I didn't have a car, or some other reason. Well, I usually see their profile come up months and sometimes years later. Do you mean to tell me an attractive girl cannot find a decent guy after being on there for along time? The same argument cannot really be used for guys, since guys are the ones that are looked at to be the pursuers and have the supportive role. I keep running into women interested in me, both online and in person; however zero of them are from okcupid. So, stay away from dating sites, unless you have a degree, have a car, have your own place, are tall and make good money. Even if the girls themselves don't have these things, the majority of the ones on dating sites want the "perfect" guy.

In most cases, yeah, this is pretty true. But there are exceptions. Perhaps you meet a girl and both of you are initially attracted to each other, but neither of you make a move. Despite that, you talk a fair bit and develop a friendship. And then when you do finally decide to ask her out, she declines on the grounds that she doesn't want any chance of jeopardising the friendship you've developed.[/quote]


I don't think any friendzone consists of a woman intentionally trying to hurt anyone. If you don't meet someone's match criteria, and they're able to satisfy said criteria by looking elsewhere, why wouldn't they go off on their merry way?

I don't agree with this mindset.

Different people base their match criteria on different things- And in my mind, that's perfectly fine.

Whether a girl initially experiences no physical attraction to a guy, or whether she's very interested in him until she finds out he's unemployed, it's her prerogative to "friendzone" him, especially if she's employed herself, and is looking for someone at a similar stage of their life.

Similarly, if a guy meets a girl and thinks she's an absolute stunner, but then notices that she has a huge gap between her front teeth, there's nothing wrong with him retracting his romantic interest if that's a deal-breaker for him. Is every guy going to be turned off enough by this tooth gap to the point that a relationship is off the table? Probably not, but if it's worth it to this guy to lower his prospective matches, and say that he will refuse to date someone with a gap in between their front teeth, why wouldn't he be just as entitled to reinforce that standard as someone who refuses to date morbidly obese people because they're not physically attracted to them?

Of course, there are the extreme cases in which the morbidly obese guy will ONLY seek dates with slim model types, or the unemployed woman who lives with her parents, but will ONLY date a man who makes seven figures per annum. The people in these examples have every right to set their standards too. If it's not worth it to them to date anyone below these standards, that's their call, but they will probably remain single until they define more realistic standards.

And then there are certain situations where people, generally those who have a high sexual market value (girls on average have a higher sexual market value than guys until they reach menopause) are able to be picky. I like curly-haired gingers, but I'm not going to limit my romantic pursuits to only curly haired-gingers, because I feel I could have a fulfilling relationship with a girl who is neither ginger, nor the possessor of curly hair. Moreover, and more importantly, I'd be significantly limiting my dating pool by doing so. On the other hand, if I were a handsome, famous billionaire, I could probably get away with limiting my dating pool that much, because a) I would be at the pinnacle of male desirability and as a result, I would have a pretty high sexual market value, and b) I would receive exposure from the media and touch a much larger audience than I will realistically ever be able to.

In short, I don't really buy the notion that some preferences are perfectly acceptable, whilst others are condemnable. If people want to include criteria within their standards that may be seen as superficial or shallow, that's up to them. Trust me, I get that somebody opting not to date you purely because your nose is a fraction of a micrometre too long can be annoying to say the least, but it's better for people to pair up with others whose shortcomings and imperfections barely matter to them than to shack up with someone with one seemingly small imperfection that is a big deal to them.


I completely agree here. If somebody's rejected you, it's unlikely they'll ever change their mind, unless you make significant changes to yourself, or they modify their relationship criteria. Even within these two instances, there's a reasonably high chance that they still won't be interested in you.