I am stopping this.

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rdos
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20 Feb 2016, 3:10 pm

Peacesells wrote:

rdos wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

rdos wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

This FWB thing simply doesn't work without one being hurt at the end.

Of course not. Why would it? You are going against nature with that thing.

No way. I have a friend who does it and the girls are ok with it.

Perhaps, but for how long? That it is against nature doesn't necessarily mean it will fail right away, but given enough time, it probably will in one way or the other.

What is this supposed to mean? Not even stars last forever, everything has an expiration date written on it.

Sure, but FWBs have a very short expiration date. If you enjoy that, sure, it can work for you.

Peacesells
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20 Feb 2016, 3:35 pm

rdos wrote:

Sure, but FWBs have a very short expiration date. If you enjoy that, sure, it can work for you.

I am not sure about that. Yesterday I read of a guy who was complaining about a girl he was FWB with for a year and a half, only to find out she's been in a committed relationship for a year. I guess it can last.
But even if it doesn't last much, so what?

rdos
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20 Feb 2016, 3:47 pm

Peacesells wrote:

rdos wrote:

Sure, but FWBs have a very short expiration date. If you enjoy that, sure, it can work for you.

Then, in reality, it didn't last more than half-a-year, and then she cheated for another year.

Peacesells wrote:

But even if it doesn't last much, so what?

No problem if people are aware of the rules. FWBs can be seen as somewhere in between a one-night-stand and a committed relationship, and if that is fine with people involved, I have no problem with it. I'd never, ever, consider a FWB, but if some other people like it, that's fine with me.

Peacesells
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20 Feb 2016, 3:51 pm

rdos wrote:

Then, in reality, it didn't last more than half-a-year, and then she cheated for another year.

No, it lasted for a year and a half, but she was a total douche omitting to mention her relationship.

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Yeah.

The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Feb 2016, 4:49 pm

[/quote]If you like FWB you can keep it and if they fall for you just cut it and find another. Maybe you feel guilty if they fall for you but you didn't do anything bad if you were honest with them from the beginning.[/quote]

Man, "the girls not wanting to date me" are the long term materials, you know, girls who are around my age, and living nearby, and not bringing me major conflicts to my life- and who accept me for who I am - I am not finding any of those liking me.

The ones who had been FWB always been coming with circumstances that make them...not LT materials, for example this last one: She's 41 years old, she has 5 sons/daughters (she has a 20 years old daughter!) and so she doesn't want to marry again (she said so), and she's going back to her home country at the end of the year.

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If you like FWB you can keep it and if they fall for you just cut it and find another. Maybe you feel guilty if they fall for you but you didn't do anything bad if you were honest with them from the beginning.

Easier said than done w, no matter how much you keep telling yourself you did nothing wrong by being honest from the beginning, the consequence and the state they end up with had hit my conscience every time.

Peacesells
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20 Feb 2016, 6:02 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Man, "the girls not wanting to date me" are the long term materials, you know, girls who are around my age, and living nearby, and not bringing me major conflicts to my life- and who accept me for who I am - I am not finding any of those liking me.

The ones who had been FWB always been coming with circumstances that make them...not LT materials, for example this last one: She's 41 years old, she has 5 sons/daughters (she has a 20 years old daughter!) and so she doesn't want to marry again (she said so), and she's going back to her home country at the end of the year.

8 years are not so many, and about sons you could let her know that you won't play the dad, if you don't feel like. Everytime a girl feels something serious you seem to be scared of it, from what you write here. If you don't want relationship it is fine, but don't be ashamed by it.

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Dude don't let them guilt trip you! You were honest from the beginning about what kind of relationship they were entering so if they develop some other kind of feeling it is not your problem. It's not like you owe them a relationship.

yellowtamarin
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20 Feb 2016, 9:48 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

Id imagine it's probably about the worst combination for a lesbian couple to try a FWB situation. :lol:

Nah I still think the worst combination is a hetero male and female. Lesbians are more likely to be more masculine / have more testosterone etc. than straight women, and so display those qualities such as not getting attached so quickly. I'm generalising massively here but just to compare scenarios overall. With a hetero pair, it is more likely that the female will get attached, than with a lesbian pair, I think.

Having said that, the last relationship I was in involved hooking up with a lesbian who didn't want to be in a relationship, just wanted to fool around, but she fell for me. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about!

I once hooked up with a male friend, who before this event I knew I wasn't compatible with in a relationship sense, and as soon as we got intimate I "fell" for him (at least I thought I did) and forgot why we couldn't be together. I asked him and he reminded me and I was like "oh yeah, silly me and my girly hormones made me forget", and it was all good after that. The end. Haha.

rdos
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21 Feb 2016, 3:15 am

Peacesells wrote:

As a human being he is likely to be guilt tripped by it, otherwise he is just a robot with no feelings. I don't think it is much better to have somebody else develop unreciprocated feelings towards you than to actually have unreciprocated feelings for somebody yourself. Both scenarios hurt.

Peacesells
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21 Feb 2016, 3:55 am

rdos wrote:

As a human being he is likely to be guilt tripped by it, otherwise he is just a robot with no feelings.

Why? People refuse other people all the time. I don't remember anyone ever showing me any compassion or concern when rejecting and if they could they would even take advantage of it, so I think Boo is being too good.

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I don't think it is much better to have somebody else develop unreciprocated feelings towards you than to actually have unreciprocated feelings for somebody yourself. Both scenarios hurt.

I think the former is much better.

rdos
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21 Feb 2016, 5:45 am

Peacesells wrote:

rdos wrote:

As a human being he is likely to be guilt tripped by it, otherwise he is just a robot with no feelings.

That's not my experience. I've had a few girls having unreciprocated feelings for me, it was very unpleasant and I did feel guilt for leading them on. Especially one of them. The reverse scenario never happened, at least not after middle-school.

If you experience a lot of rejection, and you handle it poorly, then you are using all the wrong methods.

Peacesells
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21 Feb 2016, 8:09 am

rdos wrote:

Perhaps your experience from other people in general. Btw you probably felt guilty because you led them on, which is not a good thing. But even then it is good that you felt guilty, from what I experienced people in general feel an ego-boost or some kind of weird pleasure in doing it.

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If you experience a lot of rejection, and you handle it poorly, then you are using all the wrong methods.

There's no good way of handling perpetual rejection. There might be worse and better ways, but you still won't feel good.

rdos
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21 Feb 2016, 8:19 am

Peacesells wrote:

I don't see why you would want to be with somebody that feel ego-boosts or pleasure from being mean to people. In my world, those will never get past the initial selection process, and so I would never get rejected by them.

Peacesells wrote:

There's no good way of handling perpetual rejection. There might be worse and better ways, but you still won't feel good.

There may be no good way to handle rejection, but there certainly are good ways to avoid rejections. All of those involve knowing more about people before developing feelings for them.

Peacesells
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21 Feb 2016, 8:34 am

rdos wrote:

It's very simple, because of loneliness and naivety.

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There may be no good way to handle rejection, but there certainly are good ways to avoid rejections. All of those involve knowing more about people before developing feelings for them.

Yeah, but not easy if you develop feelings easily and don't know many people.

The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Feb 2016, 9:23 am

Sunflower, people who reject you barely know you and care about you- hence why they don't show any compassion; and yes I agree many women reject too heartlessly... even some do it harshly as if they got insulted, it's like they get too used to it and become desensitized at rejecting.

But the one you had been sleeping with, is someone you knew at intimate level - and I didn't become desensitized at that.

Peacesells
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21 Feb 2016, 9:39 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I don't agree with you, people can reject you even if they care for you, they just aren't in love. Guys can reject heartlessy too anyway. But yeah some people not only are desensitized, but they even feel pleasure or take advantage.

About these women you sleep with, what is intimate level? Did you know them for a long time? Do you see them outside of the sexual encounters? Are you friends?
And honestly even if they were, it is not your problem. You were honest and clear about the relationship from the beginning. It is good to finish the sexual relationship if they are feeling bad but don't behave as if you did something bad because you did not. This particular woman is even quite older than you so don't think of her as a kid who doesn't know what she's doing, she knew what she was doing and I am sorry that she feels bad but it's not your fault.

rdos
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21 Feb 2016, 10:21 am

Peacesells wrote:

rdos wrote:

It's very simple, because of loneliness and naivety.

Sounds more like desperation. That's an awful approach to relationships.

Peacesells wrote:

Quote:

There may be no good way to handle rejection, but there certainly are good ways to avoid rejections. All of those involve knowing more about people before developing feelings for them.

Yeah, but not easy if you develop feelings easily and don't know many people.

I also develop feelings easily. I can get a crush on somebody in just 30 minutes. However, I know my vulnerable point so I don't subject myself to situations where this is likely to happen before I know the girl well enough. A first date with a complete stranger is one of the worst scenarios that is likely to lead to a crush.

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