How can people fall in love AFTER they start dating?

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There is no mention of normal sexuality in the OPs post, nor is there any assumption of attaching with sex, so I think we need to discard that aspect when answering it. Also, the OP stated that she thought it was strange to fall in love after dating and that this was not her experience. We cannot discard her (and others) experience by claiming it doesn't exist because it is not typical, can we?

To me, it seems like multiple people claim dating always works as expected and that the initial argument was wrong based on their own subjective experiences.

Thank you for sharing your plentiful thoughts on how I should have answered. The next time I consider speaking, I'll be sure n ask you what I should say.

Lastly... Because I'm not interested in going round n round on this with you and making the next few posts about you as well...

Unless something is explicitly said to the contrary, the normal has to be assumed.

I never really done the whole going out thing cuz all 3 of my relationships were long-distance & we met on forms. I was good friends with the 1st one & realized I loved her after she told me she loved me. We had no intention of entering a relationship before that. I entered relationships with the other two girls after chatting abit & I fell in love with them after we got closer. I guess I don't fall in love till I've gotten to know the person abit.

It's frequently the first two...for me.

Limerence (infatuated love Link) could be an explanation for instantly developing romantic feelings for another person. The longer lasting and more meaningful love might grow from this limerence.

Falling in love before you date is what NTs call "uber creepy".

If you find someone attractive and you know enough about them that makes you think you'd like a long-term romantic relationship with them, you ask them out. If they also find you attractive and feel the same they will agree.

At this point everything is mainly physical.

As the relationship progresses one of two things will happen...they will let down their guard and show aspects of their personality you don't like, and show themselves to be a person you don't want in your life so you end the relationship. Or you show yourself to be someone they don't like and they end it. Or you both feel you like each other enough that you want to continue and that might then turn into love.

Basically it's fine to date people you don't love, and it's fine to realise that things are mainly physical at the outset. Love is deeper and comes later and comes with time.

No, I'm demisexual. I also fall in love with someone because of their personality and hugability.



And how does one act on a blind date?

I know I'm "uber creepy", but I don't mind.



Thanks for the explanation, which appears to be correct. Taking this into account explains a lot of the problems NDs have when dating NTs, as well as occasional problems NTs have when dating NDs that have no crush on them.

For me (and at least, some other NDs), it works differently. The first step usually is eye-contact at a distance, and when I find somebody I fancy I'll try to meet them again for repeats. This will typically go on for months or longer, and in this process I will discover the personality traits of the girl, and if I find something I don't like, I will stop interacting with her. In this stage, I'm also physically blocked from approaching her (and therefore, I won't talk to her). At some point, I decide I know her well enough, and this is what turns off the approach block. I will then approach her, and this is basically when a relationship begins (at least that's what happened with wife). Dating has no role in this, and if one would try it, things will go really bad, because during the months of observation a crush will build-up, mostly by obsessing about the girl.

Last edited by rdos on 28 Mar 2016, 5:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't agree that falling in love before dating is "creepy."

One can fall in love with somebody "from afar," and not have a creepy bone in their body.

As long as they don't stalk that person.

But I want to be uber creepy with NTs.



There is a fine line between "seeking repeats" and "stalking", but I agree it's not wise to overdo it. I prefer it when it is done with some style and creativity.

I dunno about dating exactly, but if all you have are first impressions and mutual attractions then duh, it will take time to develop stronger feelings.

Remember not everyone starts off as friends, so there's not always the chance to completely dissect lives under a Miscroscope in order to determine compatibility.

That's not really love though, it's just infatuation.

True.

But it definitely feels like "love" to the one experiencing it.

Especially if it's an all-encompassing thing (even when some of what encompasses the feeling is not actually known to the person).

When it is combined with obsessive thoughts it turns into love.

I've never dated anyone that wasn't a friend first. That's the only time my sexual interest in someone decides to rear its head, when after becoming really close friends I start to get attracted.
Also, like you, I'm drawn to personality too.

I personally wouldn't be comfortable with a blind date. This is why I've never gone on one but, if i were to, I'd view it as an opportunity for a new friendship first.
Takes the pressure off the "date" thing then, frees me from having to think too far ahead regards the romantic potential of the guy, and allows me to relax and actually gauge if i could like the person first as, just friends.
So if this were me, I'd just "act" friendly. I'd be myself. I'd be like I am with any of my friends. Male or female.

Truthfully tho, I'd rather watch reality tv than go on a blind date

I've been on one blind date in my life. It was neutral--neither successful or unsuccessful.

I think love is the combination of infatuation, lust, and actual knowledge/respect of the other person.