Confused by guy with AS

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He probably realizes that he has to be "up on his game" within his department. He probably uses up quite a bit of energy that way.

Love is a pretty heavy word.

Have you ever seen the movie "Adam?" It's not a perfect portrayal of Asperger's--but your friend seems similar to that guy in the movie.

I hope you are able to obtain at least some happiness from your association with this person.

Yes you might be right. He is extremely good at what he does though and he is by far 'the best' writer here so I think perhaps he feels validated and 'free' because of that in his department as well. People don't interact much with him. They treat him more like 'the boss' and stay clear of him and let him do his thing. When he makes jokes or initiates contact himself they seem to respond very positively and he becomes more frivolous. I hadn't considered that he might be doing it on purpose for work-related reasons though. Thanks for that

Thanks a lot for suggesting the film Adam, I will check it out!

Just a comment on the anger thing. I am not indicating he is angry but just though I would mention if he does get like that don't misinterpret and think its at you it could be at him self for not knowing what to do. I used to get like that when I was younger, well more anger and frustration.

Another suggestion as well. I would also say let him come to you, well for a little while anyway he seems a bit agitated at the moment. Make sure you speak & greet him though and smile without knowing him it's hard to say what social cues he does get.

Good luck

Hi ZD,
Thanks a lot for your kind comments! They make sense. Much appreciated!

At least, it comes naturally to me. If I would talk to her directly, all the mystery and excitement would disappear. It's like I'm on a treasure hunt, and somebody tells me where the treasure is hidden and robs me of the excitement to find it. Or if I have a complicated problem to solve, and somebody gives me the solution so I don't need to figure it out myself. Because once I start to talk to a girl, it becomes nothing more than talking to a new friend, and there is no way back to the observation phase once I have gotten verbal. Thus, I'll extend it as much as I can to maximize the enjoyment.

And I didn't stop doing this at 15. I could still do it if the opportunity presented.

Well, when people (often her friends) tried to rush it, it went all wrong. One time a friend demanded that I helped the girl jump up on a cabinet. I think she wanted me to do that because then I had to physically touch her, but it didn't work, and I couldn't do it and I left instead. On another occasion, with another girl, we were left alone in the library, but that didn't work either. I couldn't come up with anything to say. None of these things were pleasant either, rather were very stressful and uncomfortable, so I cannot see what's so exciting about that kind of thing. Lastly, there was the girl that seemed to be interested in me that tried to lift with me. I picked her up, asked her where she wanted to go, and then drove her there and dropped her off. I think you can guess she didn't do that more than once.

Yeah can't say I blame her....I'd be pretty pissed/upset and sad if that happened to me. Sounds like you gave her the impression you and her were going on a date and then just proceeded to drop her off and leave her which is really an a**hole move on your part.

But it was her idea to try to lift with me at the parking lot. I certainly didn't view it as a date, rather I was totally unaware of her intentions as it happened. It was long after it was over that I realized that she probably hoped for a date or at least some conversation before I dropped her off.

Just shows that such things simply won't work on me. I'll be totally unaware of why she does it, and I won't "get it" until long afterwards.

Hi rdos,
Thanks for taking the time to discuss your personal experiences. What you say sounds quite recognisable actually. I kind of 'see him' in what you write. I think the message here is to let things unfold slowly, be kind and patient and see how things go... Thanks for all the input! x

Are you in Cologne, Germany?