It turns out that personality is important after all

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02 May 2007, 7:13 am

“Shyness” in itself is a personality also – I’ve always admired those quiet gentle souls who can assert themselves when it’s needed, but otherwise keep to themselves peacefully and quietly.

It’s a nice balance.

Kosmonaut
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02 May 2007, 7:14 am

What do you mean by 'have an actual life' ?

Danielismyname
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02 May 2007, 7:15 am

I think he means he's been in a coma....

:wink:

Eclair
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02 May 2007, 9:20 am

I am a woman and I do know what you are saying about the shallowness sometimes of women...I think it does happen in reverse though...a lot of women get treated like garbage the minute some bimbo walks in the room.

Incidentally, the most attractive man I ever met was considerably overweight, and I was pretty much in my prime. Intelligence gets me every time...but then again...I have AS!

beautifulspam
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02 May 2007, 9:31 am

Quote:

What do you mean by 'have an actual life'

?

A life, as in i've gone places and done things, I have a full time job, I'm going to school at night, I have friends I spend time with on the weekends, I have plans for the future, In conversation I can talk about actual experiences rather than only what i've read about in books (though what i've learned from books does enrich and deepen these experiences.)

You know, a life

Kosmonaut
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02 May 2007, 9:48 am

What did you have before that?

Kosmonaut
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02 May 2007, 9:53 am

I mean...
I don't need a job.
I'm too old to go to school.
I have no friends.
I do not care about the future.
When people talk to me about where they have been and what they did on holiday, i am just completely bored.
Your definition of life is not what i would use.

Like Danielismyname, i thought you may have just woken from coma.

Graelwyn
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02 May 2007, 4:00 pm

It is mostly personality for me.
I have never fallen for someone based on looks first.
However, I would be lying if I said that looks do not play a small part. It is important there is some physical attraction there, I feel.
It is difficult when you have fallen for someone but don't know what they look like which can tend to happen on the net at times. You are then left worrying about what your reaction will be if you meet and find the physical attraction is missing.
But then, some have told me that that can grow in time as you get used to a person's appearance.

shadexiii
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02 May 2007, 4:13 pm

Graelwyn wrote:

It is difficult when you have fallen for someone but don't know what they look like which can tend to happen on the net at times. You are then left worrying about what your reaction will be if you meet and find the physical attraction is missing.
But then, some have told me that that can grow in time as you get used to a person's appearance.

It is very true. That isn't to say that there aren't other risks involved. If your read on the person's personality is wrong, or incomplete, if that comes to light things can be very confusing, experiencing both sides of the coin for all aspects of the individual.

I still can't express what I mean with regards to this to any worthwhile degree, even though what I experienced occurred roughly four years ago. Guess I'm not as over it as I had told myself. Not sure if I ever will be.

Danielismyname
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02 May 2007, 8:10 pm

Kosmonaut wrote:

Like Danielismyname, i thought you may have just woken from coma.

Kosmonaut,

I think we're dealing with a "Social Walker"; they're those rare Aspies that partake in social situations and actually enjoy it! They don't melt into a puddle of quivering goo when they're in the light of society like the rest of us do....

:wink:

calandale
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02 May 2007, 9:21 pm

Graelwyn wrote:

It's a complete mix for me.
Every part is absolutely essential.
Looks, intellect, emotions, it all
has to mesh. I'm not sure that
'personality' means a thing to
me though. To me, that tends
to mean how they interact with
the normal person, and I couldn't
be bothered with that.

Todd489
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02 May 2007, 9:37 pm

beautifulspam wrote:

It turns out that personality is important after all

Aw, hell. Now I'm 100% screwed.

calandale
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02 May 2007, 9:56 pm

Todd489 wrote:

beautifulspam wrote:

It turns out that personality is important after all

Aw, hell. Now I'm 100% screwed.

Don't count on it. I've got a shot, without one.

jonathan79
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03 May 2007, 12:31 pm

Personality does count, but what is even more important is meeting the right people. It seems you have gotten lucky and met some good people. I have no such luck.

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Ragtime
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04 May 2007, 1:28 pm

shadexiii wrote:

beautifulspam wrote:

So...now that I have an actual life, have travelled, have an extra dimension to my life that wasn't there before, women are interested in me, for the first time in my life, without my having to initiate things.

And the heck of it is, I'm really overweight now. I never was before, but it turns out that fat + outgoing > fit + shy.

Personality matters.

Who'd have thought?

All I can think to ask is how old are you? (Generalization coming up, does not apply to all, just what seems to be the majority, so please take it as that) Women in their early twenties seem horribly superficial. Maybe where I'm located has a lot to do with that right now, or the crowds I tend to be around. Not sure.

No, you're absolutely right, that's pretty much the way it is everywhere. In fact, I'm dating a woman twice my age right now, and one thing I've found conspicuously missing in my new girlfriend is immaturity, vanity, and game-playing. Ahhhhh........ a breath of fresh air. Finally, I'm dating someone in my (mental) generation.

It's never worked out for me, the few budding relationships I've had with younger women -- they got nothin' in the noggin! No offense to the exceptions to the rule.

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beautifulspam
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04 May 2007, 8:59 pm

Quote:

LOL like a day walker? That's funny.

Not really. I'm still hopeless in social situations unless I *think* my way through them.

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