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NDs girls dating ND or NT

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PennyFri
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17 May 2016, 7:24 am

Lately, I think I'd go better with an ND guy for the long run. I seem to be more comfortable & natural with them. Some of them. Actually, I'm not sure anymore. I've majorly over thought this since I started writing this post and now I've confused myself :roll:

^I'll date anyone that can put up with this. NT, ND, whatever.



ZD
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17 May 2016, 7:30 am

PennyFri wrote:
Actually, I'm not sure anymore. I've majorly over thought this since I started writing this post and now I've confused myself :roll:

^I'll date anyone that can put up with this. NT, ND, whatever.


I have a tendency to over think these things as well your not alone :) in fact I think a lot of us do in here.


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PennyFri
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17 May 2016, 7:38 am

ZD wrote:
PennyFri wrote:
Actually, I'm not sure anymore. I've majorly over thought this since I started writing this post and now I've confused myself :roll:

^I'll date anyone that can put up with this. NT, ND, whatever.


I have a tendency to over think these things as well your not alone :) in fact I think a lot of us do in here.


Thanks, that's comforting to know :)



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17 May 2016, 7:39 am

Alliekit wrote:
May I ask do you believe that NT and ND relasionships don't work?


They can work if people put a lot of effort into them. Also, ND and NT aren't clean-cut concepts, and there are many people with a mixture of traits. There are also diagnosed autistics that doesn't have the ND relationship traits. So it's not as simple as "cannot work".

Alliekit wrote:
In your opinion so you belive NDs should stick to NDs and NTs stick to NTS?


I believe people shouldn't compromise so much on friendships and relationships, because nobody will thank them for putting down a lot of work on something that often won't work long-term anyway. The best approach if you are ND is to learn how to be natural first, and then learn to cope. That way you know what your natural preferences are, and what is just work and role-playing in order to fit in. This is especially important for relationships.

So, no, I don't think people should focus exclusively on their own neurotype, but they at a minimum need to know how their own neurotype work so they can detect and attract potential interest from like-minded.



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17 May 2016, 10:23 am

I don't think they should or shouldn't, depends on the ND girl and who she meets and how she gets on with them. I am not even sure if my boyfriend is NT or ND, and don't really care pretty sure he doesn't have any autism though as he does not seem to struggle with interacting with other people. Basically I am opposed to essentially pre-deciding who you'll date and searching for someone who fits that image...since I think that's a good way to miss out. You never know who you'll meet or how you'll get along so why limit ones self to a specific neurotype of person?


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17 May 2016, 10:33 am

rdos wrote:
Wow, I hinted that maybe ND girls would increase their success by being more natural and learning to detect NDs, and now everybody just goes crazy. :roll:

I think the major problem with aspies is not so much that they fail in social situations, but rather that they can be misled so easily and then refuse to reconsider their positions using rational thought. We've heard this many times before: Aspies are rational human beings that are not controlled by emotions. Wrong. Aspies are incredibly irrational in the dating context, because they know their method doesn't work, yet they refuse to try something better. Because somebody, be it friends, parents, teachers or somebody else, have told them how (NTs) form relationship with sex and dating, so that's how it works. For everybody. Period. The fact that it doesn't work for them is just something temporary that could be fixed. With the strong will typical of aspies they will still succeed in the end, because it's just a big number game anyway. So they continue in the same old tracks until they die.

Besides, there is not much human variation in personality traits that cannot be linked to neurodiversity. 70% of human diversity is linked to neurodiversity. So people that claim they will meet an NT with some "odd" traits they fancy are just fooling themselves. These traits are very likely ND traits, which of course could be part of some NTs, but that are much easier found in NDs.

I'm also not denying that complementary traits is a good thing. It's just that complementary relationship traits is not. So you can in fact get together with somebody with complementary traits even if you prefer only people that work like NDs in the relationship area. This even seems to be rather common too.


Dating and sex worked for me and I'm not NT....when are you going to learn just because a different approach works better for you doesn't mean dating and sex don't work for anyone on the spectrum. Staring at someone till they stare back and continuing this game for ages until something finally clicks doesn't sound like something 'better' when it comes to finding relationships.

And where did you get that 70% of human diversity is linked to neurodiversity? Sounds like something you just pulled out of your ass rather than an actual researched fact. There isn't a specific way that NDs 'work' in relationships.


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17 May 2016, 11:48 am

rdos wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
You Hinted! You constantly go on and on about it. We've got the point where we're all like just shut the hell up already!


Wrong. I've said this many times to guys before, and there has been nobody screaming at me. This time, I suggested that girls would "wise up", and I suppose that isn't as popular. Still, I don't think ND girls are all without problems in dating, and many of them end up in abusive relationships. Ending up in abusive relationships is typically an effect of ignoring red-flags, and NDs seeking NTs is a *huge* red-flag.


Wise up about what? That you're method is right and whatever they've been doing to pursue relationships must be wrong if its not the approach you use? Also why would someone being NT be a red flag that they are abusive? Also what is to say they couldn't get in a relationship with an abusive ND person?


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17 May 2016, 12:19 pm

I have this crazy idea - how about we date who we're attracted to? :P

(I think i accidentally hit report instead of reply to somebody, sorry!)


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17 May 2016, 12:26 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
I have this crazy idea - how about we date who we're attracted to? :P

(I think i accidentally hit report instead of reply to somebody, sorry!)


That seems like a good idea, though its best if you're attracted to personality as well as their looks.


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17 May 2016, 12:42 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
TheSpectrum wrote:
I have this crazy idea - how about we date who we're attracted to? :P

(I think i accidentally hit report instead of reply to somebody, sorry!)


That seems like a good idea, though its best if you're attracted to personality as well as their looks.

Well, I never specified on anything. Either or both.


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17 May 2016, 1:08 pm

It would be quite difficult if I wanted to date a man with the same neurological profile as mine. My disorder at this level of severity is hyper rare, we're maybe a few dozens or at best hundreds on dozens of millions in my country, and I met only one in my life (both on Internet and IRL, he's the only person like me I know). It was great, intellectually speaking. We talked about computer science all day long and completed each other's reasonings at the speed of light. Like the perfect potential coworkers, you could say. Intellectual chemistry doesn't necessarily mean emotional chemistry, and the two relationships I've had have been with someone who suffered from brain damage (not a great choice as we were incompatible), and a NT man who does complete me emotionally and it's wonderful to not feel lonely anymore. Not all NTs have the same sensitivity, there are a few who are absolutely compatible, yes they exist !

Stargazer43 wrote:
I don't think that anyone should be reduced to a "ND" or "NT" label. There are plenty of unique people out there, and if you pass up someone because of some silly preconceived notion like that, then you might end up losing a perfectly good match. People who are both ND and NT encompass an entire spectrum, full of just about every personality type imaginable.


This.



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17 May 2016, 3:09 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Dating and sex worked for me and I'm not NT....when are you going to learn just because a different approach works better for you doesn't mean dating and sex don't work for anyone on the spectrum.


Never claimed it did. ND and NT are spectrums, and as such there is no way that works for everybody.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Staring at someone till they stare back and continuing this game for ages until something finally clicks doesn't sound like something 'better' when it comes to finding relationships.


There are other ways to do it. That's just an example. People need to think for themselves and come up with working strategies. The strategies that work for me doesn't need to work for others, but that doesn't mean dating is better for them.

Sweetleaf wrote:
And where did you get that 70% of human diversity is linked to neurodiversity? Sounds like something you just pulled out of your ass rather than an actual researched fact.


It's part of my 2013 paper published in Sage Open. The ND and NT factors explain about 70% of the variance for a set of diverse items.

Sweetleaf wrote:
There isn't a specific way that NDs 'work' in relationships.


At least there are particular features that are tightly linked to each others.



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17 May 2016, 3:16 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also why would someone being NT be a red flag that they are abusive?


Statistics. Many ND-NT relationships go bad, and a particular problem for ND women is that they get used and abused. It's a fact that ND women have more abusive relationships than NT women.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also what is to say they couldn't get in a relationship with an abusive ND person?


Not if you use my method. Abusive people won't pass it. :mrgreen:



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17 May 2016, 3:37 pm

rdos wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Dating and sex worked for me and I'm not NT....when are you going to learn just because a different approach works better for you doesn't mean dating and sex don't work for anyone on the spectrum.


Never claimed it did. ND and NT are spectrums, and as such there is no way that works for everybody.


Yes and there isn't a specific neurotypical or neurodiverse way of going about it.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Staring at someone till they stare back and continuing this game for ages until something finally clicks doesn't sound like something 'better' when it comes to finding relationships.


rdos wrote:
There are other ways to do it. That's just an example. People need to think for themselves and come up with working strategies. The strategies that work for me doesn't need to work for others, but that doesn't mean dating is better for them.

It doesn't mean dating can't be better though, not sure why you seem so against the idea of people meeting up and spending time together or going on 'dates' to get to know each other and decide if they want to be a couple that way. Or why you think its specifically a neurotypical thing.

Sweetleaf wrote:
And where did you get that 70% of human diversity is linked to neurodiversity? Sounds like something you just pulled out of your ass rather than an actual researched fact.


rdos wrote:
It's part of my 2013 paper published in Sage Open. The ND and NT factors explain about 70% of the variance for a set of diverse items.


That doesn't really prove anything, without ND people there would still be tons of diversity in the world, different neurologies are just one more thing that adds to human diversity. Also what credentials does your paper have, surely you had to cite the source.

Sweetleaf wrote:
There isn't a specific way that NDs 'work' in relationships.


rdos wrote:
At least there are particular features that are tightly linked to each others.


Such as?


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17 May 2016, 3:44 pm

rdos wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Also why would someone being NT be a red flag that they are abusive?


Statistics. Many ND-NT relationships go bad, and a particular problem for ND women is that they get used and abused. It's a fact that ND women have more abusive relationships than NT women.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also what is to say they couldn't get in a relationship with an abusive ND person?


Not if you use my method. Abusive people won't pass it. :mrgreen:


Even so there are abusive ND males a ND woman could become involved with.

Also, claims like 'abusive people can't pass my method' are a dangerous mindset...plenty of people who have thought they had the perfect method of filtering out abusers have gotten in abusive relationships. It would not be that hard for an abusive male to notice a female looking at him adoringly, do the same back till she gradually becomes more comfortable right up until he's able to make his move...same with an abusive woman playing along with a guy that way.


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17 May 2016, 3:54 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
rdos wrote:
Never claimed it did. ND and NT are spectrums, and as such there is no way that works for everybody.


Yes and there isn't a specific neurotypical or neurodiverse way of going about it.


That doesn't follow. Just because people tend to have mixed traits doesn't mean there isn't specific ways linked to ND and NT neurotype.

Sweetleaf wrote:
It doesn't mean dating can't be better though, not sure why you seem so against the idea of people meeting up and spending time together or going on 'dates' to get to know each other and decide if they want to be a couple that way. Or why you think its specifically a neurotypical thing.


I've written a lot about this here, but I can't sum it up in a simple way (because it is a complex issue). For one thing, wanting to get to know a potential partner through observation rather than conversation has a huge correlation to the ND neurotype, and it is in direct conflict with dating. Another thing is how the bonding process works in NDs, which makes dating a high-risk behavior since dating seldom leads to a relationship but easily to an infatuation for NDs.

Sweetleaf wrote:
That doesn't really prove anything, without ND people there would still be tons of diversity in the world, different neurologies are just one more thing that adds to human diversity. Also what credentials does your paper have, surely you had to cite the source.


The paper is the source. Besides, it makes no sense that humans would have more diversity in personality traits than other animal species, and it makes absolutely no sense that humans have a huge variation in courtship and relationship preferences. However, once traits are grouped by neurotype, instead of thought to be part of human universals, humans in fact, have no other variation in courtship and relationship preferences and similar variation in personality traits as other species.