I met a really sweet girl. I feel guilty about dating her.

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Jesus Christ, man.....don't blow this!

You're overthinking this. You have a good chance for a decent relationship.

^^^^ What he said and everyone above! She probably seems sweet and innocent as you mentioned about her not dating in High School, so She probably hasnt been hurt in the ways you have of past.. I can understand and relate to the notion of a few trust issues. But You are both naturally relaxed around each other, you obviously find each other attractive, you both seem to share some interests. I only see presumptions on your behalf of her, like shes probably too young to settle down. lets not get too ahead of yourself here! lol.. Maybe she is looking for the right person and is not someone that likes to play the field over time, but views relationships as a meaningful thing and judging by what you said of her persona so far, i think she might be.. Just take it nice and slow, but natural as you can.. Jeeze, i envy you! dont blow it! lol Let the past stay in the past, this is another human being with their own unique identity, you cant compare, or you will always be comparing and therefore never finding love, dont fall into that trap! and try not to push her away, she seems a sweet and somewhat fragile young woman, treat her how you want to be treated and enjoy the journey!

No point worrying about where the relationship is going; there's no way to tell this early. Just enjoy her company and see what happens. All this threat level talk is a good analogy, but don't let it take over your thinking. It implies that she is an adversary, which she isn't at this point.
Also, if you are interested in pursuing a relationship with her at some point, I don't think you should see the escorts. If it does turn into something, she might be bothered by you're dating her and seeing prostitutes at the same time.

Yeah, that was my impression of her too. Perhaps that's why I felt so comfortable with her. I remember feeling the same way about a girl I met on a cruise once. Her appearance, demeanor, and even age were similar, although she had a darker, almost Gothic vibe, due to her sleeve tattoos (that I found sexy).

Going back to the "Two kinds of love" thread yet again, it seems like I have a good chance of finding the first kind of love here, the one based on shared fun and exploration. It's what I'm looking for. Unlike the second kind of love, based on deep intimacy and commitment, which I'm terrified of. But yeah, I realize I'm jumping too far ahead. I guess my mind forgot how to react to non-threatening women like her, causing my thoughts to spiral out of control. Especially considering that I met her on Tinder, where women tend to be "high-threat", although not so much in the commitment sense.

Not difficult at all. I don't even feel right about it to begin with; I was mostly fantasizing earlier. I'd have an easier time with that if her rating were Guarded or above, but not now.

I never see escorts while in a relationship. It's dishonest and disrespectful (to the girlfriend). And on a more mundane note, also redundant, if you catch my drift.

Well, I'm supposed to see her again in 2 days. (Unless she flakes out, of course.) Having started a thread about 30-something women, I decided to remind myself to be attracted to her for the right reasons. Namely, for her cute face, my preferred body type, and a fun, pleasant personality; that's the most "normal" reason, at least in the NT world. I might also be attracted to her for her lack of threat/danger to me; not the best reason, but for an aspie who's had some god-awfully unpleasant relationships, I guess it can be forgiven on my part.

I hope my attraction doesn't stem from her triggering my long-buried but awesome memories of playful interactions with 20-something women. Or worse, the idea of her being fun and spontaneous---she gives off that impression, but I don't know her well enough---which I can't seem to find in my own age group. But hey, she's an adult just like me, so who's to say I can't have at least one more date, and see how I feel about her.

At least I can say for sure that it's not about sex. I can get that from a similar-aged escort any time I want, with just an internet connection and public transit. It's the non-sexual elements I'm into here.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 25 May 2016, 11:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dude, stop thinking about it so much and forget about the escorts - you'll mess it up. This could be your chance at a decent relationship.

It is normal up to a point, however to this degree it is more in the anxiety disorder range.

Takes one to know one. I get it.

You can't know, predict, or control every situation.

Give it a go. Do other things in the mean time. Don't put people up on pedestals and don't write them off either.

Try not to overthink the second date. It's just a second date. If you have fun, invite her out for a third. Obsessing as you are might built this date with a girl you barely know into some huge, pressurized thing... that won't even be fun!

Well, I had a second date with her. It started off somewhat weirdly. I got off the train, and walked a few blocks to a
classy billiards place to see her. As I walked up to the bar counter, I saw my date sitting there with a slightly older girl that I didn't recognize. My date immediately introduced me: "Hi, Aspie1, this is ____." I was a little flabbergasted at first, but the friend had a peaceful, unassuming presence, that my fears dissipated. To be gentlemanly, I made sure to include the new girl in conversations. She said "good night" and left after about 10 minutes.

I drank a beer, and my date drank a Shirley Temple, and we hit the billiards tables. I teased her about the friend by asking: "So what did your bodyguard think of me?" (The "bodyguard" comment was meant to be in jest, especially considering that she had a smaller build.) The date went quite well, with a lot of affection being shown: holding hands, non-sexual touches, and pretend consolation hugs when she scratched. I don't know why I didn't try to kiss her at the end, although I probably should have. Maybe her friend being there spooked me a little bit, despite her being peaceful and unassuming. Plus, honestly, I'm on the fence about this girl to begin with. She was all over the place with the conversation topics, which reminds me of a girl I dated in 2009, who had bipolar disorder.

I thought it was really odd that she brought a friend on a date, even if the friend stayed for just 10 minutes. Is this normal nowadays, as far as young people's (21 to 27) dating is concerned? Am I just too old-fashioned for believing dating should be one-on-one? The friend seemed like a nice person, though, and you know what they say: you are the company you keep.

Still, a third date is in the works. We're going to a free outdoor dance lesson this Sunday afternoon. I hope she doesn't try to bring a friend again. (Despite that, her Low threat level has not changed.) But even if the romantic part falls through, I'm totally open to having her as a friend. Sex with her would be nice, no doubt, but I can get that from an, well... you know. A fun girl who likes to dance, on the other hand, is priceless. Especially considering that my female friends are both in LTR's now, and I don't see them often anymore.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 31 May 2016, 9:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She sounds much better than an escort.

It seems like you're making good progress.

I hope you're right. So far, I don't know her well enough to decide why I'm attracted to her. All my mind keeps going back to is "non-threatening". But like I said before, she's someone I'd be happy to have as a friend, if it doesn't work out romantically. (Sex: $300/hour. Fun friend: priceless.) After all, she told me she likes to dance.

Here's the ultimate test:

Take her down to a railroad crossing. See how she reacts.

If she starts talking about narrow-gauge or whatever, then you got your girl!

You know, there's a railroad museum not too far from me, although farther for her. Perhaps I'll suggest going there sometime, on one of the later dates. If she agrees and has a good time at the museum, we got a winner!

I suppose there is a minor downside to dating her. I'm involved in a non-competitive sports group that's mostly a 40+ crowd (men and women). If I barely scrape by in terms of fitting in, she'll really stick out if I bring her. But I'm sure she's laid back enough to let me go play sports with them alone. Not to mention I'm nowhere near that stage.

Aspie1, on whether it's wrong to be attracted by someone you find non-threatening, I would suggest that, on the contrary, it may show emotional growth. Adrenaline and fluttery feelings are very fun (or annoying) but more mature relationships often (not always, but often) start off with more of a mixture of comfort and attraction, like your reaction to the girl you're dating. Not saying it'll definitely last, but I think it's a good sign for your ability to choose in the future.

Oh, and the friend was there to 'vet' you. Maybe with the age difference, her friends just want to make sure you're a decent person.

Never thought of it that way, but you definitely have a point there.

You know what's ironic? The "threat" I worry about is her wanting to get serious (a.k.a. "mature"). I've seen my friends' relationships. The girlfriends are nice people (all age 32 or so), but man oh man, I'd die of boredom if I had to be in a relationship like theirs. My friends pretty much stopped going out, like they did in their single days, and their idea of weekend entertainment is all-couples dinner parties at best, or just staying home at worst.

While this girl may have limitations of her own, given her age 22, it's highly unlikely that she'll be anything like my friends' girlfriends. That's where the feeling of safety/lack of threat is coming from. If that's bad, oh well, I don't really care at this point. I want to have a relationship where I have fun, not bore myself silly just to keep my girlfriend.

The song "Enjoy the Ride" by Krewella pretty much illustrates my feelings toward this girl at this point.
If the video glitches, use this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97xnWVZYq_Q