Okay, there has been a lot of helpful stuff in here--more than I expected to get.
In answer to your questions, I am nonbinary and have a female body, and the person in question I know for a fact is okay with people like that (although that doesn't necessarily mean he'd be interested in me).
I am used to being the "pursuer" in sex, and I'm also used to pursuing people who are willing to have sex pretty quickly after meeting me. Usually it's fairly easy for me to come up with reasons to have the person be alone with me at my apartment, but with this guy it's not so easy. He's busy, and a lot of my "come hang out with me at my apartment" excuses involve things that look like larger time commitments...AND even if he does want to have sex with me, HE can't pursue seeing me alone without coming off as a big creep. I kind of have to stick to my pursuer role here because he's a little older and I'm Autistic so if he pursued me he might seem to be taking advantage of me. But I don't think I can use my ordinary tactics with this guy.
Also, coming off as creepy IS a big worry for me, because I seem to follow the male rules for seeming creepy rather than the female rules. I've scared males and females many times when I was younger and I don't want to do that. But I also don't want to seem needy because that's a big turnoff. I hate it when someone's making it so obvious that they want to f**k me that *I* can pick up on it, and I'm not interested in them, and they keep doing it.
This is the beginning of a friendship--a romantic relationship is something I'm probably not going to touch with this guy. I just want to be friends with him and have sex with him.
As for "hey, let's have sex"...in my experience with getting people to have sex with me, I've found that it's MUCH better to ask them in person, in the place where we would have sex. Asking in any other setting tends to shut down the possibility of the sex, because even if both people are interested, for some reason it never seems to happen. I know I can psych myself out after I know someone is interested in me.
Find out the reason I am so attracted to him...the reason I'm so attracted to him sexually is because of physical chemistry. He's a good, cool person and I'd like to be friends with him and stuff but that's not what my genitals care about. I'd be this sexually attracted to him if he were an a**hole.
The only other thing here is that I do NOT kiss (sensory issue combined with backstory issue makes it a never thing for me)...and I rarely touch people, so if I tried to hug him or something, especially in front of other people, it'd probably freak him out. One of the first things I do when I meet people is make sure they know not to touch me...that being said, since he DOES know I don't usually touch people, maybe if I did a less obtrusive touch, it'd show him that I was interested in him in some way? I'd be treating him differently from how I ordinarily treat people, and since he KNOWS I don't touch people and doesn't try to touch me (which makes me really happy) it might make him think.
21 Jun 2016, 8:11 am
