It will not work...it can't work..

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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Jun 2016, 7:26 am

naturalplastic wrote:
Sounds like your head is pulling one way and your heart the other way in this relationship. If so then I can understand the problem.

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Maybe the two of you could take a course together in comparative religion at some local college (and make a contract to both keep open minds).

Strike a deal with her. You agree to be open minded to religion in general, if she agrees to be open minded to religions other than Islam.



I am open minded to religions....except to Islam.

Islam doesn't leave any room to be liked.

Anyone who fully understands Islam either becomes extremist/terrorism or atheist/converted-to-other-religion, there's no room in between. Moderate muslims, who are the majority of Muslims, aren't fully knowledgeable of Islam or they're in deep denial.



Instead of being an atheist dating a mainstream muslim, you both might end up adopting something in between. A liberal creed with kinship to Islam,but not mainstream Islam, maybe like the Bahai faith, or Unitarianism, or both end up exploring Sufi based Islam (which I get the impression is a more mellow version of Islam). Could be the start of an interesting journey. Just a crazy thought.


I do not think this is possible from either of us.

Not saying that it is possible for me, later in life, to start believing in something.

But surely it won't be Islam.

I hardly suspect she will ever explore other paths.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jun 2016, 7:49 am

All the girls/women I've gone out with have been religious in some sense--mostly Christian.

There's this woman at work who dresses in mild Islamic garb (no veil). She's Iranian. She's the most beautiful creature :D . If I were not married, I'd make a go for her.

For the most part, my religious girlfriends have respected my atheism. Maybe a couple tried (mildly) to put some religion into me.

There was this GUY who tried, really hard, to get me to "try" to believe in God. He wasn't gay. He just believed in God and wanted others to believe in Him, too.



Outrider
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20 Jun 2016, 8:09 am

I'll admit, Indian women with their traditional type dresses, and muslim women with their Hijab and such, are absolutely beautiful.

I'm not sure what to say, Boo.

It seems you already have an answer, but I advise you do something else - let things happen naturally and see where they go.

If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Jun 2016, 8:44 am

Outrider wrote:
It seems you already have an answer



What's the answer.

Why everyone assume I have an answer? :lol:

Ok, the title was more of a rant, but I really don't have an answer.

For one, I know for sure that she is only girl who likes me for real.
And second, I am really not seeing any more opportunities in the future, I am mid 34 already. I may have to way another 34 years to find someone who likes me that much.



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20 Jun 2016, 8:47 am

Ask yourself this: Are you just desperate, or actually falling in love?

We think you have the answer because you did come across as very against the idea of being with her while still conflicted.

The whole "I'm starting to fall for her/this is starting to become a thing, but I don't WANT it to be, it will never work out."



Alliekit
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20 Jun 2016, 10:24 am

The thing is that you can't change yourself for other people. Especially when you feel so strongly about your beliefs.

If she can accept your beliefs and you can accept hers then it could work but you would both have to agree to not force the other person to follow your beliefs and compromise.

She sounds like a nice girl who hopes you may still deep down still believe in Islam. But she doesn't sound like she is forcing you to change.



androbot01
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20 Jun 2016, 10:41 am

If you are interested in pursuing this girl, I think you should challenge her beliefs regarding Islam. Either you can agree to disagree, one of you will change, or the relationship will end.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jun 2016, 10:45 am

I wouldn't directly challenge one's beliefs. They're based on "faith," rather than objective facts.

As long as she knows that you don't believe what she believes in, and is willing to pursue the relationship, I don't see the problem.



androbot01
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20 Jun 2016, 10:54 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wouldn't directly challenge one's beliefs. They're based on "faith," rather than objective facts.

All the more reason to challenge them.



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20 Jun 2016, 11:34 am

Is it normal within your culture to have short relationships with girls that you are not serious about? Would you still be friends afterwards?



kraftiekortie
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20 Jun 2016, 1:38 pm

I've met many people who find a belief in a Supreme Being to be what "holds them together."

I'm not going to torment somebody by challenging their faith. I only give my opinion pertaining to my own "faith," which is of an atheistic nature.

Just like I've learned not to challenge people on their sadness too much. Even though I only get situationally sad, usually, with some occasional sadness with no apparent immediate cause.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Jun 2016, 1:42 pm

Quote:
Is it normal within your culture to have short relationships with girls that you are not serious about? Would you still be friends afterwards?


Among Christians the bf/gf thing is very normal.
Among Muslims and Druzes (except the higer class) ; not much so, young people still date, but girls in those communities pretty much insisting to turn things formal the soonest possible (to meet the parents, to engage... etc).
She is one of those latters; she is not pushing things (yet she drops hints which I pretend not getting), but she's devoutly Sunni.
She doesn't view ISIS as real muslims at all but she does have some strict ideas, for instance she does think of Shia (my parent's religion) as not much of real musims.
I did debate her on this once, explaining her that the three Shiite schools are recognized by Al Azhar's Grand Imams as ones of the 8 major schools of islam, as well by KSA, hence why Shias are allowed to do do pilgrimage in Mecca.



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20 Jun 2016, 1:53 pm

What are you going to do? Can you talk with her openly?



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Jun 2016, 2:03 pm

She is my best friend; so cutting contact with her is out of the question.
We didn't bring up the subject of a serious relationship; but here we are, still... going out togother just the two of us on like every weekend. She is still very obviously interested and getting more fond of me.

When I think of telling her, I keep thinking more of the
"Don't open a door you won't be able to close" - Egyptian proverb.

I wonder if I did already open it.



kraftiekortie
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20 Jun 2016, 2:14 pm

She knows your beliefs. If you're best friends, you probably mentioned every atheistic thing about you.

Yet she's still interested. Maybe she has progressive ideas pertaining to religion--who knows?

Her parents are probably not so progressive, though.



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20 Jun 2016, 2:19 pm

Here we have plenty of Catholics who show up for the 35 minute mass every week, but do not actually live a life in sync with the religion, could you live similarly? How would it work out having a wife and possibly children that hold different views/values to you?