How can I tell her I don't just want to be friends?

Post Reply New Topic

Clean it up!

I did.

All under the carpet!

I'd find it far more comfortable to be friends with someone first, and then have the friendship develop further into a romantic relationship. Do girls you've barely met expect you to just hit it off into romance right then and there instead of being friends and getting to know each other first?

Ironically my ex would've loved that. She complained I didn't romance her enough.

Honestly I don't mind cornball stuff, I just don't want to scare her away.

Following Outriders Advice I amped up the flirting a bit. She acted a bit more shy but she still wants to see me. I think she got it but she didn't give me a straight answer.

I told her I was shy with girls and she said I wasn't. She said I was a ladies man. I'm not, really. She said the reason I got bad grades in high school was because I spent too much time with girls. That's seriously not the reason lol.

Anyway, I invited her to my apartment on an unspecified date. She said she'd come. Good sign.

The reason why I didn't try anything was because she's fresh off the boat Chinese and I read on some website that Chinese girls are very conservative. Like you wait six months before your first kiss and then they slap you.

I sort of feel like we don't quite get each other culturally. Sometimes I can't understand her because her English isn't that great.

Kraftiekortie you are like a man straight out of a romance novel. Your wife must be a lucky lady to have such a romantic. I wish some of that old behavior of courting was still around.

My boyfriend did a similar thing and bought me a promise ring as a symbol of our relationship. Im no sure if it's a bit to forward for someone not in a relaionship however.

This is so dejà vu for me: Why Asian girls always think I am a ladies man?

It's the same with me, hearded this like dozens of times and it's always coming from a girl from far east. As if it's some pick up line they learned it from their schools.

Anyway when a girl tells you that it means that she finds you very hot. lol

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 10 Jul 2016, 5:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

Be very careful though that she isn't really after the green card.

Test the waters.

There's nothing wrong with her being after the "green card"--if she has a sincere regard for the guy, and doesn't grow cold once she receives the "green card."

But, if this one doesn't succeed, why don't you go for an Aussie chick? There are some who are "straight" who are Asian.

If she continues to feel romance and love for the guy after the green card, and the guy feels the same way, then I'd say we have a successful relationship in this instance.

That's the risk, though, with such motives. It can break people's hearts because it's too much of a business transaction.

I dunno, but a barely understandable english level would be a total turn off for me.

My senior coworker is married to a Chinese lady who's significatly younger than him (he's around 60 and she's around 40 at most) - her English is very bad though, he claims that he can understand her but I saw them speaking and keeps asking her to repeat,
he barely understands her.

I really don't understand how those two get married with that much lack of verbal communication. My mind couldn't
digest it.

The Asian girls I dated spoke really good English or/and French or/and Arabic, even better than mine - I avoid those who can't speak it well because verbal communication is important, even for pure sexual flings (it is so important for understanding consenting things too, no?).

Well, can't you "get to know someone" while already being romantic with them? Otherwise, I'd feel like a girl is using me to feel romanced (with candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach, etc.) but is giving nothing is return.

I agree with this one the most. You're not being a jerk. All you're doing is stating what your goals and intentions are; as long as you're respectful about it, it's just honesty on your part. Just be clear and unwavering about it. It's the fair thing to do, to yourself and to her.

Also, ask yourself what she brings to the table as a friend. Do you two both like the same games? Are you on the same sports league? Can she do a skill you find admirable? Has she been a genuinely good friend to you? If those things outweigh the hurt of her not liking you, don't write off the notion of being friends. One of my coolest female friends started off with unmet dating goals, although my interest in her wasn't that strong in the first place.

Correct.Ya know, she doesn't have to be Asian. There's some very pretty white girls out there. Not to mention this part aboriginal girl I've been chasing for a while.

I know I often get obsessed with an idea like "asian girls" and if people think I have a one track mind, it's probably because I sometimes talk like I do.

Such is the nature of obsession. It can be destructive or constructive. It can be a waste of time and money or a way to channel energy into a useful project. It fades overtime before it either resurges or gets replaced by a completely different obsession.

Yeah, it's kind of a turn off. Even if she has a cute
accent. I've met other girls who had cute accents but I could actually
understand them.

Her grammar is very good but her pronunciation is wrong. At first I
thought it was strange that an English liturature major would be
unable to speak English. When I asked her about it, she said her major
was all reading, no speaking.

That explains why her English grammar is perfect but her pronunciation
is terrible. True there are foreign people at work who speak excellent
English but they've been here for 3 or 4 years. I'm sure it would be
the same for this girl if she stayed.

Anyway she told me to correct her if she ever said anything wrong. So
far I've had to tell her that "police station" is not pronounced like
"playstation".

Also I think she may have low self-esteem (like a lot of the girls I've spoken to (and a lot of guys I've spoken to)). She says she's fat when she only weights 46 kg. She has an underweight BMI. I tell her she's not fat.

I tell her I'm fat. I weight more than double what she does. She says I'm fit, not fat.


She doesn't like me saying her age in public. She says she doesn't want people to know she's old. I tell her that 25 is not old.

I think we can be our own worst critics and she's no exception.

25 is NOT old....by any standard! Just wait till she turns 55--like me! She'll think she's absolutely elderly!

That's what I tried to tell her!

That definitely changes things. I mean that I don't think you can assume from her behavior (as many have) that you've been friendzoned. The bad news is, I couldn't tell you what to assume.

Asian society is based on different principles than western, for example not losing face, family honor, etc. Whereas ours society is primarily based on the Christian religion for example the Golden Rule.

One thing that occurs to me is, her self-deprecation and complimenting you are expected courtship behavior in China. She is probably confused when you don't accept a compliment such as being told you're a ladies man. Also she may not appreciate the connotations of the term for an English speaker. You should probably smile and accept all her compliments.

Also I believe in that in East Asia public displays of affection are considered inappropriate, although in crowded cities couples may make out in a public park, but nobody looks.

Etiquette is very formalized in Asian countries.

On the other hand, I would say that unless she is hideous, that at age 25 she has probably already had more than one boyfriend, given the male/female ratio in China.

There may be an accepted etiquette in China for showing willingness to have sex, and she may be confused that you haven't already done whatever that is. Just a guess. Perhaps Google can help.

In the meantime, if she still wants to hang out with you, I don't think you should give up (if you haven't already)

I just Googled "modern courtship etiquette in china" and found a long list of articles.

You should probably read all of these in detail.