DrManhattan wrote:
Here's some advice from someone who spent a lot of time on online dating. I looked pretty good, my profile was interesting enough with some subtle humor, no negativity and lots of interests and activities and girls would even give me compliments about it. But I'd never get the right amount of attention from the women I desired. It was often as if I was the third or fourth choice when other dates would not work out for them. I have sent over 200 messages which eventually have resulted in about 12 dates (some would be girls taking the initiative). Some guys get a response 1 out of 3 and get a date in one out of 2 of the responders. They are the lucky ones on top of the pyramid and have an exciting dating life until they find a good match. For most people, like me, internet dating just takes way too much time and yields little result. Some mediocre types get lucky and think it's easy for everyone. So did I. I found my first (and only) girlfriend (11 years ago, we stayed together 2 years) via a dating site relatively easily. I just got really lucky.
I used to think internet dating was THE solution for me, because I hated going out and expected only the quieter, less hip, geeky people would be on those sites...boy was I wrong...it was always crawling with women that were way too different from me and all their profiles seemed similar...outgoing, superhappy with their jobs, they often pretended to have an absolutely fantastic life with no problems at all. I downdated with women I didn't find very attractive...didn't work out either. I thought I needed to adapt and become a more interesting person by going outside more, which I do now, dramatically so even and I also have a more exciting working life now.
But none of that has really changed things for me when it comes to internet dating success! Or succes outside of it, it's just hard to find somebody for me somehow, just read my other posts.
Sometimes I thought they only find you interesting if you are a succesful company owner that likes skydiving, with the body of a Greek god. It's not like that, but that's the feeling I got. The competition is VERY, VERY hard and most girls only aim for the cream of the crop, the absolutely stunning guys. You see, it can be rather superficial. No photo means no message. Also 9 times out of 10 a photo will look much better than the real life person...
Many girls don't like internet dating either, but for different reasons. They get little, or (only when pretty) a lot of boring and dumb messages and some get way too many and the abundance of choice paralyzes them sort of, or they cherry-pick to the max. They will often complain a good man is hard to find and a hard man is good to find.
In short, the realm of internet dating is mostly a desert and a jungle at the same time.
If you still want to try internet dating...aim for intelligence and go for a niche site. Not to offend you but since you mention Star Wars, for you I'd recommend Geek2Geek you will find more fans easily. Similar interests certainly don't guarantee a click but it's a start. Unfortunately I didn't find enough members in my region there. Just become a paid member for one month and pm as much as you can.
But I would try to get better, professional photo's and clothing. I also see acne and your doctor can help you with it. I received Benzac and it really helped a lot. Also working out 2/3 times a week in the gym, spinning helps losing lots of weight if you want to get thinner, or do something like Crossfit to gain some muscle too. Choose something you enjoy or you will not be able to keep doing it for long.
Dating itself is a rather forced and entrapping activity where nobody feels really happy and free, because there's a result that needs to be achieved, killing all spontaneity and creating ridiculous expectations. Try to avoid the dating angle. It's much more valuable to slowly build up things but our times have changed and there's little room for that anymore. Everything needs to be now and fast.
My advice is don't internet date except for only a little bit on the side. It's way more work to meet women that way. And it's not like all of them are all that interesting....so meet many more without the dating angle. In the US there must be more communities because there's the huge Comic Con, there's Trekkies and what not. Meetup.com is also an interesting way to meet people with similar interests and hopefully you can find some really nice groups there that are big and interesting enough.
I haven't had much experience dating outside internet dating but at least I'm meeting more interesting and attractive women every now and then. And not all of them ignore me entirely. I've been emailing with a beautiful and very intelligent woman that I've met on an activity I organised. This is something I recommend: organise stuff you find interesting that could attract smart women too. There are activity sites out there to meet new people where you can do that (hopefully not just Meetup).
Dating sites can be very good sometimes I certainly have never found them a desert. My friend who is morbidly obese is on PoF and since tweaking his profile has has plenty of attention
11 Jul 2016, 7:43 am
