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Do I tell her I have autism?

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Sweetleaf
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15 Jul 2016, 4:59 pm

izzeme wrote:
tell her, there are too many traits to keep hidden forever...

do not tell it too soon though; my experience is that the 3rd or 4th (official) date is a good moment.
by then, you can be sure that the other person likes you (else you wouldn't have gotten that many dates), and that he/she has noticed some traits, but it is still ok to have some secrets held back at that points.

if you tell them too early, stereotypes might kick in, hurting your chances, but if you wait too long, the fact that you kept such a big secret will bite you when (not if) it comes out; this is why i prefer the 3rd or 4th date.
(this also applies to other social groups: the 3rd or 4th activity, be it a D&D evening, orchestra, acting class, what have you)


This is pretty much what I think as well....you don't want to actively hide the autism from her or pretend you don't have it, but I think it can be better to wait till you guys get to know each other better and you know she likes you. I know its not something I ever blurted out on the first date .


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amdedinboro
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15 Jul 2016, 8:43 pm

I think this is definitely an issue of doing what you feel is best when you feel it's best. I still hide my Asperger's from certain people in my life because, like you, I don't want to be treated differently in any way. But, the people who I have opened up to about it haven't really thought it was a big deal or acted any differently around me. And it could be a good idea if this is someone you want to be closer to to be honest with them about it. It may be just a matter of waiting for the right moment to tell her, as well. I think it's different for everyone. Either way, I wish you all the best :)



saxgeek
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15 Jul 2016, 10:12 pm

amdedinboro wrote:
I think this is definitely an issue of doing what you feel is best when you feel it's best. I still hide my Asperger's from certain people in my life because, like you, I don't want to be treated differently in any way. But, the people who I have opened up to about it haven't really thought it was a big deal or acted any differently around me. And it could be a good idea if this is someone you want to be closer to to be honest with them about it. It may be just a matter of waiting for the right moment to tell her, as well. I think it's different for everyone. Either way, I wish you all the best :)

I totally agree with this. I behave naturally most of the time, but I don't go around flaunting my Aspergers. I don't see a reason to tell most people about it, since most people don't even seem to know what it is, and like you said, it might make them treat you even more differently. However, I do think it's important to explain your condition and your difficulties to someone that you're really close to and let them understand what you face. If the person has a problem with it, then they're probably not someone you want to be around anyway, but most people who are worth it will make at least some effort to understand your problems and compensate in some way.