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cricketman123
Deinonychus
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11 Aug 2016, 5:05 pm

But i don't just want a friend. I want to find a special girl that i can take to meet my family. But why would any girl like me. I'm fat (i'm trying to lose weight) i have autism, I've never kissed a girl before. I keep trying to get my face better but no matter how hard i try my spots just won't go.

I mean look at me, why would anyone want to meet a man like me when they have somebody who is like my stepbro

http://picpaste.com/IMG_0875-mur5KxhD.JPG

http://picpaste.com/1-5xqWrMi7.jpg

http://picpaste.com/2-HwDQ0DQ6.jpg

I want to be the one that shows off his special girl to the family :( :( :(



WantToHaveALife
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11 Aug 2016, 6:11 pm

thats why it feels like damned if you do, damned if you don't, i hate it when people say stop looking because if you are a guy, you can't really stop looking because the vast majority of girls expect guys to pursue them



cricketman123
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12 Aug 2016, 1:37 am

What could be a step by step guide to do to find a gf. All my dream is is to find a girl, look after her, my family to meet her and to hopefully one day get married and have kids.

How do i make this happen if im 23 and only have friends that are guys. You say i should make friends that are girls but that really isn't the same thing. But anyway how do i make friends that are girls



Ishi2
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12 Aug 2016, 7:27 am

Don't compare yourself to your stepbrother. There are lots of women who would like you for who you are. I'm going through a lot of the same things you're going through (trying to lose weight/getting rid of acne/wondering if I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life because of where I live and the fact that I have a visual impairment and I'm not able to get out much). My point is there are lots of people going through and thinking the same things you are.

I also tried the online dating thing and it didn't work. The only people I ever had anything in common with eventually turned me down because we lived too far away. Not to mention people lie. They try to make themselves into something they're not, and I didn't like that. Be yourself and people will like you. PM me. I'd be glad to have someone to talk to myself.


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cricketman123
Deinonychus
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12 Aug 2016, 7:27 am

What else could i do? What could be my next step and how and when. Im 23 and getting old if i don't start soon i will run out of time



Ishi2
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12 Aug 2016, 9:50 am

First off, you're not old. I have to remind myself that same thing a lot because I occasionally entertain the train of thought "Boy, I'm 24 going on 25 and I have nothing to show for it. No major accomplishments and I'm still alone. Besides a lot of people in my family (on both my mom's and dad's side) have died in their 50s and if that's my fate, I'm halfway there." But the truth is people find love at different stages in life. I know a couple of people that didn't find true love until they were in their forties.

As for having kids, there's no such thing as MANopause. You men can have kids at any age.
My two half sisters are way ahead of me, and they're younger than I am. They both got pregnant at around the same time. I'm happy for them though and I don't feel inferior to them, and just because your brother has a girlfriend doesn't make him any more likeable than you are.. Get some confidence and don't give up. As I said before there are plenty of women who would like you for who you are.

Have a facebook? There are plenty of facebook groups out there for singles and people who share common interests. I don't use it myself, but it might be a good option for you.
Got any good night clubs around town? Go there and talk to people. Be friendly and confident and just say "Hi" to someone.

Community functions, volunteering, college, the library, online, etc. There are options out there. Just be yourself and never give up hope. You won't be alone forever.


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Pageognat
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12 Aug 2016, 11:59 am

First off, I notice a major problem in your thought process. You don't get a girlfriend because you want someone to show off to your family. Women aren't trophies you keep in a display case as proof of your masculinity. (I figured that out when I was 10 years younger than you.) You look for a girlfriend because, as a man, you are physically and mentally designed to enjoy life with a woman, and vice versa.

Also, this is an autism/Asperger's-based forum. Virtually all the people posting things here either have an autism spectrum disorder, have someone close to them on the spectrum, or otherwise know something about the spectrum. This is the worst possible place to be playing the "but I have autism" card. We know. Our advice to you is already factoring that in.

Lastly, what do you want us to tell you? The advice you've been receiving (go out and do things you already enjoy and allow yourself to meet people naturally) is really good advice for anyone. Go out to the movies or something with your guy friends or family and, when you see someone you like, try approaching them. (That's the hard part. It takes some practice, but it's worth it.)

Now, there is one thing you mentioned that does resonate with me: wanting a girlfriend and not just a friend. This I will admit, as an Aspie, is something I also have a really poor understanding of. As far as I can tell, when a guy approached a woman he doesn't know in public for any reason, she is assuming it's because he's attracted to her. That part does not need to be verbalized or indicated to her in any way. The girl is concerned with the man's personality over his appearance and she'd looking to see what kind of traits you posses (as far as I can gather, the traits that make a good boyfriend/husband to a woman are more similar to that of a friend than they are to girlfriend/wife to a man). (That was a very complicated sentence. Basically, women want to date someone who is like a friend to them, more than men do.)

Also, in the pictures you sent, you're not as ugly as you built yourself up to be. I've seen way uglier guys with gorgeous girls. The difference is that, when they want something they don't have, they don't go complaining about all the things stopping them; they better themselves as people however they can until they have it. And, if they never get it, the great part is that all their self-improvement remains anyway.

Also, please stop posting multiple times in a row. It's kind of annoying and you're just rephrasing the same information you've already told us. More replies will come as people with constructive thoughts to add stumble upon this topic. Also, people will be greatly discouraged from giving you advice if all you do is tell us your excuses for why you can't use their advice.

Best luck to you. You're not the only one who's been where you are now.


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alex
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12 Aug 2016, 12:06 pm

Why don't you try signing up for a dating site?


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cricketman123
Deinonychus
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12 Aug 2016, 5:01 pm

Because no girls ever reply to my messages on a dating site. And i keep trying to ask on here because i have never heard of a success story of a guy with autism who was my age and now has a wife/kids.



alex
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12 Aug 2016, 5:03 pm

There are plenty of WP members who have wives/kids and even more who have girlfriends or date. I certainly have had girlfriends and date quite a bit when I'm single.


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cricketman123
Deinonychus
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12 Aug 2016, 5:15 pm

Look, i know women are not trophy's and of course i want to be with a woman because i want to be happy. But my Stepbrother has a gf who he brings with him to my stepdad/mums home and when i visit my dad/my stepmum i have no one and am on my own.

And if i do approach a women they might think i've pervy because of the way i look as i think im just too ugly. I am trying so hard to lose my spots but they won't go away. Women will probably be scared off



Alexanderplatz
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12 Aug 2016, 6:59 pm

Honestly, try a dating site and stick at it. I've been on a few for two years and have contacted some people that didn't work out, but I just have to keep going, keeping on keeping on.



Ishi2
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12 Aug 2016, 9:36 pm

Girls won't think you're pervy just because you talk to them. You're not ugly and you won't scare women off. Also, NO ONE ON THE PLANET has perfect skin. Women are just fortunate enough to be able to hide it. Try some Proactiv, change soaps, or otherwise, just don't worry about it. There are plenty of us pizza-faces out here in the world. You can have standards, just don't be a Shallow Hal and make them so high that you reject women for the same reason you think they won't like you. No one is perfect. There are a lot of good people out there. A lot of women are a lot like you: scared to put themselves out there because they think no one will like them or they're not worth it (myself included).


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"I got to keep you on your toes. When you think I'll zig, I'll zag. Then when you think I'm gonna zag, I do zag, just to mess you up for the next time, when I might zig" - Lorelai Gilmore


Alexanderplatz
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12 Aug 2016, 9:57 pm

There's some stuff called Dead Sea Soap - it has a magic effect on skin

https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=dead+ ... d+sea+soap



cricketman123
Deinonychus
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13 Aug 2016, 2:00 am

So what, i just see a girl i like, go up to her and say hi. It can't be as easy as that



cricketman123
Deinonychus
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13 Aug 2016, 4:52 am

And if i do ever find a girl that i like how do i know if she is single. What is the time frame to ask. Who asks first?



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