Parents won't quit bugging me about dating/getting married?
One of the things that really bugs me is how he's all but guaranteeing I'll get married someday. "Just about everyone does, Adam," he keeps telling me. The idea that I might be one of the ones who doesn't seems completely lost on him. It's like, he's making promises on something he has absolutely no authority or ability to keep. Do I want someone to love me? Absolutely. I practically obsess about it sometimes. but I know there's too many things wrong with me for any woman with any sort of standards to accept me as the one they'll spend the rest of their lives with. Why isn't my dad able to see that? I don't like talking bad about him, but he's got absolutely no problem pointing out all my other flaws and things I do wrong, so why is it thing one particular thing that he suddenly becomes my own personal cheerleader?
And for the record, my brother (technically half brother) adopted six culturally diverse kids before having one of his own. But he also lives in Florida, and we live in Arkansas, so he's lucky to get to see them every other year.
He also makes six figures teaching as a professor at a university, runs a foster care agency in his spare time, plays in a band, his wife could pass as a supermodel, and he himself looks like a male model. I think I definitely got the short end of the stick in the "cool" genes
Last edited by ThisAdamGuy on 06 Sep 2016, 9:44 am, edited 2 times in total.
Jacoby
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Indeed, just about everyone does, which means everyone does except those who don’t.
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lostonearth35
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With me being 33 and childfree (not the same as childless), almost my entire family has given up on asking me about marriage/children, let alone convincing me to actually go through with that. The only family member who still does this is my grandmother. Her heart is in the right place, but man oh man, she goes about it totally the wrong way! Every single time.
For instance, she talks about the "beauty of love", while telling me that in a long-term relationship, my interest don't matter at all (!), only "feelings" matter. Which effectively scares me out of ever entering a romantic relationship of any kind. After all, why would I be dumb enough to engage in something where I'll be subhuman? I tried to explain that to her, but as an elderly person deeply set in her ways, she didn't understand what I was talking about.
Needless to say, with "beauty of love" like that, my single lifestyle seems even more desirable in comparison.
Sweetleaf
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Wouldn't making up an imaginary girlfriend to convince your family or friends you have one when you really don't also cause some chronic stress.
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When he is telling you you are going to get married eventually because everyone does - don't fight it. The more you fight it now, the more you will feel like you were in the wrong if it actually happens and the more your dad's happy face will hurt.
I was like "I will never get a boyfriend or girlfriend because I don't want one" when I was 18 and "It's impossible for me to get a boyfriend nor girlfriend" when I was 23. Currently I am like "I will get a boyfriend or girlfriend if I happen to met a right person" and I am not dealing very well with the fact I was wrong when I was 18 and I actually dated a guy before and tried to date a girl and introducing them to my father was embarrassing like hell because of his "I knew it" attitude.


Oh I am so sorry to have made you feel sad. I hated it when I wore it at 6yo and have absolutely no use for it since. Mothers do foolish and sentimental things, so I put it in that category but I always knew we'd throw it out. I yanked it off my head when I walked out the door of the church, thinking we were finished. But no! I had to put the blame fool *agonizing* thing back on for Uncle John to take pictures. It was the pointy ends of the headband that stuck so hard into my head, just above my ears, that I still joke that I'm a dummy because it pierced my brain. I'm kidding, but it's to give you an idea of how much I loathe it. It was very pretty and I was in agony. Smile!
The unfulfilled dream was Mom's but she didn't nag. Me and Sis are both in our 60s. The next generation is all boys. Throwing out the veil was a moment of gratification.
We do have a baptismal dress (unisex) made by my Grandmother in 1914 and worn by all the babies ever since.
1) Those granddaughters quite possibly want marriage, rather than a person to love/marry; BIG difference.
2) She knows too little about my interests, at least nothing she can relate to, and won't match me with a compatible lady.
3) She believes that my passions/interests/hobbies in a relationship don't matter, only "feelings" do.
4) She will evaluate my blind dates on their willingness to get married quickly, rather than on their compatibility with me.
5) She is not aware of today's discriminatory divorce laws, that will ruin a man both financially and emotionally.
6) I am not attracted to the type of home-oriented, "wholesome" type of woman she wants me to marry.
7) There's the issue of Red Pill/MGTOW that someone from the Silent Generation won't understand.
So in the end, it becomes a moral dilemma of standing my ground and looking like a stubborn Millennial, and surrendering to my grandmother's wishes and sacrificing my happiness. So far, I'm sticking with the former.
Anyway, yeah, it depresses me. A lot. I've never been good at letting comments roll off my back, as people say. Anyone know how to, you know, NOT be depressed by people constantly pointing out how single you are? Or a (polite, non-family-tearing-apart) way to make them stop?
Could it be that he doesn't so much care whether or not you are dating anyone, or get married, but that perhaps he is wondering if you are gay and is trying to prompt you to come out to him?
I doubt it. When parents do that, it's usually because they want grand kids.
Nobody asks me about that either. However, don't worry about what they think, just try to look for someone yourself. Even if they don't ask you about whether you'll find a girlfriend, you can still ask them advice.
Anyway, yeah, it depresses me. A lot. I've never been good at letting comments roll off my back, as people say. Anyone know how to, you know, NOT be depressed by people constantly pointing out how single you are? Or a (polite, non-family-tearing-apart) way to make them stop?
Your dad a baby boomer? Their generation had the unusual marker of having more women than men as compared to Gen x or millenials. I get the same thing.
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