09 Oct 2016, 9:09 am
^ Have you ever felt that women didn't give you much of a chance? As in, they think you're uninterested, and give up pretty soon? That is my experience, or at least how I feel, but I'm curious to know if yours is similar.
OK, I can see your reply to mine now as I'm composing this. Yes, absolutely yes. I need the obvious, and directness, and the man to take the lead as well as me, if that makes sense. No hints. Maybe a buildup first, but then that's how the process works. If I'm definitely interested in someone they won't scare me away.
Your post is interesting. I mean, some are attracted to people who have more needs because they feel they want that person to become reliant on them a bit, esp. if they appear independent. I think that's why some men are drawn to me. I have anger problems too, and when I explain to someone that something irrational makes me angry, they immediately view me in a negative light and see me as a "bad" person, rather than seeing it as me looking at myself and admitting that yes, something I do on an everyday basis is irrational. I don't choose to act angry, and I often feel guilty and ashamed afterwards if I lash out verbally. I'm not physically violent, and even then, I don't necessarily look down on those who are. My ex hurt people physically, though not women, and it didn't bother me. In fact, it drew me to him a bit cos he really doesn't care if he beats up someone for being obnoxious. 
Some of his stories made me laugh, my sense of humour is a little dark like that.
09 Oct 2016, 9:19 am
09 Oct 2016, 9:22 am
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09 Oct 2016, 9:34 am
09 Oct 2016, 9:38 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,452
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
09 Oct 2016, 9:39 am
09 Oct 2016, 9:41 am
09 Oct 2016, 9:41 am
09 Oct 2016, 9:56 am
In my personal, albeit animalistic and minority opinion, a man should have the capacity for violence. Not be violent people, but have that side that can be tapped into when its called for. I dont believe you should be in a situation, as a man, where you allow your woman to be dishonored or even threatened without dealing with the situation swiftly. And with as much violence as is appropriate. And maybe a little more just to teach a little respect.
Yes, all of that ^. Especially the bit about maybe a little more just to teach a little respect. That's hot.
09 Oct 2016, 11:51 am
OK, I can see your reply to mine now as I'm composing this. Yes, absolutely yes. I need the obvious, and directness, and the man to take the lead as well as me, if that makes sense. No hints. Maybe a buildup first, but then that's how the process works. If I'm definitely interested in someone they won't scare me away.
Your post is interesting. I mean, some are attracted to people who have more needs because they feel they want that person to become reliant on them a bit, esp. if they appear independent. I think that's why some men are drawn to me. I have anger problems too, and when I explain to someone that something irrational makes me angry, they immediately view me in a negative light and see me as a "bad" person, rather than seeing it as me looking at myself and admitting that yes, something I do on an everyday basis is irrational. I don't choose to act angry, and I often feel guilty and ashamed afterwards if I lash out verbally. I'm not physically violent, and even then, I don't necessarily look down on those who are. My ex hurt people physically, though not women, and it didn't bother me. In fact, it drew me to him a bit cos he really doesn't care if he beats up someone for being obnoxious.
Some of his stories made me laugh, my sense of humour is a little dark like that.Thing is I have very little dating experience. I was with the same woman for 12 years. And the one right before that for 5. That's more or less my entire adult life.
However being married to a timid woman who required a lot of reassurances and chasing after (which is funny because in some ways she was very not timid) taught me what I know in this area. Which in some ways is more valuable because I had to work on it with the same person over a prolonged period of time. However it's limited in it's value now because it was only one individuals mind.
Your last paragraph sort of just connected some dots for me. I've always been drawn to the 'damaged' ones. I always have had a desire to be someone's hero as cliche as that may sound. Only issue with that is if you're someone's hero and f**k that up, you really f**k up. As I learned. You even slightly further damage a damaged one that trusted you, even accidentally, they'll never be able to forgive you no matter how hard they try to. At least that's my experiences.
But I do have a need to feel needed. To be 'wanted' yes, but also 'needed'. I desperately need someone who isn't afraid to admit-- once there was a legitimate connection, that they 'need' me. In 12 years my ex could never admit she did, probably because she evidently did not. I think you can need an individual yet not be needy overall. I can be needy of one person, but not needy of anyone else.
09 Oct 2016, 11:52 am
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,452
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
09 Oct 2016, 11:54 am
In other term, what smudge is saying that it's ok, and even a plus, for a man to be violent toward other men- but not toward women or her.
In other term, she was one of those high school girls who would cheer for bullies. 
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 09 Oct 2016, 11:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
09 Oct 2016, 11:55 am
In my personal, albeit animalistic and minority opinion, a man should have the capacity for violence. Not be violent people, but have that side that can be tapped into when its called for. I dont believe you should be in a situation, as a man, where you allow your woman to be dishonored or even threatened without dealing with the situation swiftly. And with as much violence as is appropriate. And maybe a little more just to teach a little respect.
Yes, all of that ^. Especially the bit about maybe a little more just to teach a little respect. That's hot.
I always thought it's something a woman should like. Some really don't. At all. Some think it's actually a despicable thing. I'm guessing of course until said women have men who don't do this, then have to be embarrassed or offended when their 'nice guy' bf sits around and watches. So they get to get hurt or endangered instead of some stranger. Logical. I bet many of those women in that situation wished they had a man with balls in their life (again).
09 Oct 2016, 11:59 am
In other term, she was one of those high school girls who would cheer for bullies.
I don't think that's what she meant. I don't want to speak for her, but I know how I mean it when I say the things I do. Actually, picking on those weaker is also despicable. I actually think showing the bully what's up is the manly thing to do... not pile on.
I bet she was the type of high school girl who cheered for the kid who someone thought they could bully then got their asses absolutely kicked by the weird guy... just a guess...
It's about standing up for one's self, and the honor and respect of one's circle. If you respect me there's never a reason to be violent. If you don't, I will not tolerate your disrespect. So what's the answer?
And I will formally apologize for hijacking this thread and now leave that as my last off topic entry....
...as you were...
09 Oct 2016, 12:16 pm
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