Could a guy (or girl) please help me out here?

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beakybird
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03 Nov 2016, 8:25 pm

He seems like a bit of a dick, but he could also just be really sarcastic.

I don't think it should be an auto reject, but a proceed with caution.

I'm really not sure if he's trying to say that he wants intelligent conversation with you, or if he thinks you're capable of it.

This was a little confusing to discern motives.



androbot01
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03 Nov 2016, 8:28 pm

Tell him to get stuffed. He's being an ass.



YippySkippy
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03 Nov 2016, 9:27 pm

He's a total azzhat.



CourtneyB
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04 Nov 2016, 12:26 pm

wilburforce wrote:
He's basically saying you're an airhead, or rather that you are intentionally sounding like an airhead (despite your intelligence.) Either way, he sounds like an arrogant condescending jackass. He is criticising you for doing what everyone does--for making small talk with people. Usually if you only talk about deep and thoughtful topics people get annoyed with you for being so "heavy" all the time, so you make an effort to be normal and talk about the weather and other non-substantial things like we're told we're supposed to, and still this guy complains. He just sounds like a jerk-wad who's trying to act superior. If he had a problem with your conversational abilities, he could have told you in a way that wasn't so rude and condescending.


This was my initial feeling. :| I almost felt like he was saying, "You're not the typical airhead, I've seen your intelligence, don't be those other annoying girls."...just in a harsh way. And that's what I try to do: lighten it up with some small talk. Sometimes he admits he has a crappy work day (like this day)...but I guess if it isn't a thoughtful, deep discussion he doesn't want to talk? And yes, he is very intelligent (SAT scores were through the roof). He usually isn't like this but maybe he was fed up that day. By the way, he is a military vet and his backstory is pretty heartbreaking; it absolutely doesn't excuse his salty attitude but it does help explain it.

Thank you for your insights and opinions, everyone I appreciate it. :heart:



Onyxaxe
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05 Nov 2016, 11:01 am

CourtneyB wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
He's basically saying you're an airhead, or rather that you are intentionally sounding like an airhead (despite your intelligence.) Either way, he sounds like an arrogant condescending jackass. He is criticising you for doing what everyone does--for making small talk with people. Usually if you only talk about deep and thoughtful topics people get annoyed with you for being so "heavy" all the time, so you make an effort to be normal and talk about the weather and other non-substantial things like we're told we're supposed to, and still this guy complains. He just sounds like a jerk-wad who's trying to act superior. If he had a problem with your conversational abilities, he could have told you in a way that wasn't so rude and condescending.


This was my initial feeling. :| I almost felt like he was saying, "You're not the typical airhead, I've seen your intelligence, don't be those other annoying girls."...just in a harsh way. And that's what I try to do: lighten it up with some small talk. Sometimes he admits he has a crappy work day (like this day)...but I guess if it isn't a thoughtful, deep discussion he doesn't want to talk? And yes, he is very intelligent (SAT scores were through the roof). He usually isn't like this but maybe he was fed up that day. By the way, he is a military vet and his backstory is pretty heartbreaking; it absolutely doesn't excuse his salty attitude but it does help explain it.

Thank you for your insights and opinions, everyone I appreciate it. :heart:


I think he's just crude. It could be a red flag, but I'm blunt like he is sometimes. I don't mean harm by it, on the contrary I don't like to waste time beating around the bush. What matters is how he made you feel when he said that. Not everyone should be subjected to that harshness continually. You're perception could be right as well. Me being a woman I can't completely write off that guys are demanding and quick to put girls down for being girls. I hope it was just a bad day.



The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Nov 2016, 1:13 pm

It takes two to tango. Does he ever try to navigate the discussion to include topics he actually wants to talk about?

Not having read the conversation up until this point, I don't really know the specifics of his criticisms, nor can I really understand whether his hints about the kind of conversation he wants are as obvious as he seems to believe they are.

In any case, this guy appears to be behaving unreasonably about the situation. If this kind of thing isn't an isolated incident I'd recommend leaving crazy town.



Onyxaxe
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06 Nov 2016, 10:18 am

somanyspoons wrote:
I would block this dude, just to keep myself from talking to him again. What an arse! Putting you down for not entertaining him enough with your thoughts? Really? And the reference to his mom just reeks of disdain.

There are plenty of fish in the instagram sea. Go find someone with manners and a sincere heart.



That's a very good point about the attitude towards his mother. Unless she was smacking him around like a handball growing up a guy shouldn't have that attitude towards his mother. That's usually a sign of someone with a low regard for women. They often turn out to be wifebeaters. Add to that the military background and such, statistically the odds are against you.



AnonymousAnonymous
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06 Nov 2016, 6:05 pm

He comes off as being a controlling a-hole who wants you to be like him. Proceed with caution.


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goldfish21
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13 Nov 2016, 5:24 pm

I disagree with the people putting him down in this thread.

While he was a bit blunt, it's valuable feedback. He's telling you your communications with him aren't of value and aren't interesting him. You've missed those social cues and he's cluing you in. Learn from it and change your communications with him, or don't change and realize he's not interested in communicating with you because you don't know *how* to communicate with him.

Either way, there's value in his response vs. him just not saying anything and hoping you'll eventually get the hint.


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PerfectlyDarkTails
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13 Nov 2016, 8:52 pm

I can hardly understand what is exactly going on here...


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feral botanist
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13 Nov 2016, 9:18 pm

vethysnia wrote:
Welp I was totally off then. He's kind of being an ass bag. LOL


I agree with this.

He sounds like an ass.

If he was really interested in you, then conversation is just an excuse to interact with you.



Bridgette77
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23 Nov 2016, 2:08 am

PerfectlyDarkTails wrote:
I can hardly understand what is exactly going on here...


Same here, but probably for different reasons... This is one of those moments, when I wish I had sight. Since this is a screen shot, I have no clue what's going on either. I'd love to know what the guy said, especially about his mother...



JBSnow
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07 Jun 2017, 2:02 pm

Run. I've been with chronically perturbed and grumpy men. They are honestly quite awful to be around on a daily basis. If you like torture, you could marry this guy and listen to his whining day in and day out about how the world owes him and why he's angry that you don't cook or fold socks like his mother does. Many other women passed over him for a reason. Don't feel sorry for the guy who is angry that his life didn't turn out like he wanted, it was probably due to him expecting everything to go his way with little to no effort on his part.