23 Jan 2017, 1:10 pm
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Sounds like someone I talked to on OKCupid for FAR too long years ago. She seemed interesting and we had many long talks. In fact, she seemed almost like a dream: smart, same age, good looking (from her pictures) and interested in the same thing I was. After what seemed like at least a month of talking, once I asked her to meet up she kept making up the most ridiculous excuses over and over, usually based on having to travel for work on short notice. I blamed myself for a long time for "pushing her away" when in reality, she was either never really that interested in meeting or couldn't handle a real flesh and blood relationship. She contacted me again weeks later like it was nothing and we did the same song and dance: everything was going great, I was having a ton of fun talking to her, she really opened up about lots of things and I was imagining all the fun we would no doubt have once we met and of course we never did: she flaked on our meeting after I cornered her (metaphorically) about finally meeting once and for all. I was so distraught over what a failure I was I almost called 911 when in reality it was most likely an issue she had LONG before she contacted me.
Like the OP I doubt she was a catfish or lied about who she was because she never asked for money or anything else but it won't lie that it still makes me scratch my head over and over: after all, SHE contacted ME both times and just threw me away without a word rather than talking her concerns over. So, in other words OP, I highly doubt you did anything wrong and she most likely never thought you were actually serious about coming across the world for her. You did what any reasonable, rational, sane person would do before embarking on such a journey.
Like the OP I doubt she was a catfish or lied about who she was because she never asked for money or anything else but it won't lie that it still makes me scratch my head over and over: after all, SHE contacted ME both times and just threw me away without a word rather than talking her concerns over. So, in other words OP, I highly doubt you did anything wrong and she most likely never thought you were actually serious about coming across the world for her. You did what any reasonable, rational, sane person would do before embarking on such a journey.
Interesting. I never thought that there were people out there looking for a relationship while they're actually not ready to handle one. I guess that was my case as well. She honestly wanted me, and I wanted her too, but our relationship demanded too much... things that are natural and necessary in a relationship, but she wasn't ready, and I pushed her too far. It is unfortunate that things turned out this way, but I'm starting to see that there was no other way. If we hadn't had this argument now, then we would've had it later.
I'm sorry you had similar experiences.
23 Jan 2017, 1:38 pm
AusWolf wrote:
It is unfortunate that things turned out this way, but I'm starting to see that there was no other way. If we hadn't had this argument now, then we would've had it later. I'm sorry you had similar experiences.
I'm sorry you had similar experiences.No sweat man, I am very happily married now so it is easier to look back now. Congrats on the insight: you have clearly learned and matured from this experience.
You are right: this is a time-bomb that would have torn your relationship apart even if you somehow met and even got married. How do I know? There is a woman who is basically a tenant in my workplace. She got married to her high school sweetheart of 12 years about a year ago. After getting married, they found out they were expecting a child. They are now getting divorced and I believe she moved back with her parents. Why? Because she never directly talked to him about his feelings on children and he ran away. In short, there is nothing you did wrong and you just plain weren't compatible, nothing more. That's why it's important to have these difficult conversations.
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Interesting. I never thought that there were people out there looking for a relationship while they're actually not ready to handle one.
I didn't either but I now know dating sites are full of them, both men and women. For example, my last relationship was with a nice, kind, intelligent woman who was a teacher. She had lots of friends, was very good looking and well liked and was just very polite in general. It also seemed like a dream: I soon introduced her to my parents and brother and they loved her. Suddenly, she tells me out of the blue three months after we started dating that she thought long and hard and was happy being single and decided to break it off (via text) That's what hurt the most: she couldn't even talk to me like an adult about how she was feeling or give me a chance to address her issues. I took a huge chance and spilled my heart to her and she just maintained that she wasn't interested in dating anyone and never talked to me again. Of course in hindsight the red flags were there all along (like how even as a teacher she was ALWAYS "busy" and it seemed to take hours to respond to a simple text even though it was summer and she practically slept with her phone) but I certainly didn't see them at the time. She did tell me on the first couple of dates she likes to take things slow but she was slower than a snail in mud.
The simple fact is she later bought a house with her best friend and they even posted a picture of them "intimately" holding hands (fingers interlaced) and I suspect the only reason she dated me was at the insistent of her second (married) best friend, so there was nothing I could have done but accept reality. I later met her ex-boyfriend and heard a very similar tale from him and we quickly became friends. I've heard someone say that dating sites are the equivalent of purgatory and house those not emotionally ready to date and I sadly have to agree.
Best of luck!
25 Jan 2017, 7:57 pm
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
AusWolf wrote:
It is unfortunate that things turned out this way, but I'm starting to see that there was no other way. If we hadn't had this argument now, then we would've had it later. I'm sorry you had similar experiences.
I'm sorry you had similar experiences.No sweat man, I am very happily married now so it is easier to look back now. Congrats on the insight: you have clearly learned and matured from this experience.
Thank you, although this maturation of mine feels bitter. A part of me wants to accept things for what they are, but there's a part that wants to claim my innocence (ignorance?) back and be happy again.
