Something girls do(or say) that doesn't make sense

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I think for most NTs as well, the initial "attraction" is nonverbal. Verbal communication didn't evolve as a way to get a partner, but to communicate things with people you already know. Today's dating is just a grim experiment that really doesn't come natural to anybody.

What I mean when I say rejection isn't part of ND courtship is that rejection requires you to check for interest verbally, and conversation is not part of ND courtship, so the usual rejection is not possible. Instead, what happens is that the girl / guy won't play along so you are being ignored, not rejected. Alternatively, they play along a single time just for the fun of it, but then won't participate in repeats, which means they find you interesting but not so much that they want to play along more seriously.

Being ignored feels a lot better (at least to me) than being rejected, even if it is basically the same thing. Besides, being ignored is also the typical "rejection" among NTs, because they too can detect non-interest and then won't let it go to outright verbal rejection.

So, I don't think NTs learn to become experts on handling rejection. They improve their skills in detecting non-interest, which NDs should do as well.

This conversation seems much more interesting than the early posts. I haven't done the completely non-verbal mutual seduction, but I have seen it happen and heard stories from others.

At less extreme points on that scale, I do feel like words can get in the way even though I have to keep talking to maintain a certain level of reassurance. I try to stay completely honest and completely positive in my communication, although obviously anyone needs to consider their safety when getting intimate with someone without knowing them well. Part of it is coming up with clever ways to assure mutual enthusiastic consent in words that improve the mood, rather than spoiling it.

I have, and it is the best experiences I ever had. Especially when it is mutual, otherwise it can go really wrong.



While it might be hard to imagine, it is perfectly possible to get to know somebody without talking. It just takes a lot more time and effort, but it is certainly possible. The pro is that once you have put down that effort, you truly know them, and not just the image they want to share, which can be very misleading.

Also, to talk fast and fluently is a weak point for many NDs/Aspies, so I don't see why they would want to get rejected because of their poor verbal abilities. I certainly wouldn't want that.

To some extent, I tend to like things because I find them difficult.

I was in an Aspie/Aspie, longterm relationship that had been, for the most part, non-verbal and it was easy and fluid and always content. It often could feel as though we were one person in 2 different bodies, because we understood each other so profoundly. We expressed ourselves through our actions, and rarely ever through words. I felt immensely compatibe with him and loved by him, and I never felt that our thoughts or feelings weren't in sync. We made each other happy. We got off on that. We were always surprising one another in special ways, for instance, we would have breakfast together on Saturday mornings and one morning he told me he had a surprise for me. He had planned and executed a ride in a small airplane and it was incredible. He once had me come by, and told me to sit down and put a scarf over my eyes while he set up his surprise. He brought out an incredibly beautiful drawing of the special place we would sit at night and watch the city lights shimmer over the ocean, and he made pin holes in every single light that was part of our view and taped a string of lights to the back of it, so they shown through. He is gone, but, I have these gifts that remind me of him/us. We could sit, or drive for hours without speaking a word and simply be content in each other's presence, just thinking, or, listening to music or staring out a window, or doing our own thing. Honestly, rdos is quite right.

Great to hear that others have experienced this too. Sometimes it feels like nobody can relate to it, even if some people should based on issues researched in Aspie Quiz.