Girl I recently had sex with is not returning my texts

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Joined: 14 Nov 2016
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31 Mar 2017, 12:12 am

DancingCorpse wrote:

If you had no prior attachment or investment between you except the one date and that particular period of time, there is not really any reason to feel harshly aggrieved if a person does not find much more ground they wish to walk upon when the connection was not rooted and anchored as such even though it plunged into the intensity of sexual territory. Whilst you feel there ought to be more, she may not believe it constitutes any further discussion. She may have a pattern of behaving like this with people she takes a shine to or she may not and be confused, upset or indifferent. That is not to say you did anything wrong or were not a worthwhile experience, it's not the deepest exchange of love though and does not really follow an expected course. Communication is important if she decides to respond but again it's not really the same arena as a relationship where one can except a degree of give and take, maybe it will develop into something who knows.

Yeah she told me she was busy. She ashtrays took a long time responding to my texts and said she had anxiety. I swear I attract some girls with anxiety and all that, we make out and even go as far as sex and then poof she's gone. I really need to Work on knowing how to prevent all this.

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I'm finally coming to terms with the Aspergers identity but am now needing help with how to navigate it.

ND score: 131/200
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Says I'm Aspie...

Please don't type of paragraphs in response to my questions or replies because that will overwhelm my mind and make me not want to read your responses.

rdos
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31 Mar 2017, 1:52 am

HenryGramer wrote:

I think a good start is to avoid having sex with them. If you have sex early on, chances are the girl will think it is an ONS, and nothing more. Next, you probably should try to move slower, as this will filter out girls that only are playing around. If both of you put some effort into it before you go dating, chances are bigger you both take it seriously, and then the potential for a better outcome (= a relationship) increases.

As for the sex advice given, I don't think any of it has any validity if you are pursuing a relationship. It only makes sense if you want to pursue ONS.

HenryGramer
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31 Mar 2017, 3:41 am

rdos wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

For sure. It's so hard to know when I'm moving fast or slow. All I know is wait 3 months/5 dates before having sex.

rdos
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31 Mar 2017, 5:02 am

HenryGramer wrote:

All I know is wait 3 months/5 dates before having sex.

That's NT rules. Doesn't apply for NDs.

HenryGramer
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31 Mar 2017, 5:12 am

rdos wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

All I know is wait 3 months/5 dates before having sex.

That's NT rules. Doesn't apply for NDs.

But I'm not getting anywhere with all these dates I'm going on. Listen, I think it's best that I wait and even though I want sex right away, the "relationship" thing to do is to make a girl wait 5 dates and then have sex. In the meantime, I'll just masturbate to her while I am getting to know her.

rdos
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31 Mar 2017, 6:23 am

HenryGramer wrote:

rdos wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

All I know is wait 3 months/5 dates before having sex.

That's NT rules. Doesn't apply for NDs.

I think you need a lot more patience. Also, there are no set rules for when to have sex or what to do after X dates. Not even for NTs. It is not even necessary to use dating as a method to meet potential partners. Just do what feels right, and try to meet NDs instead of NTs.

AngelRho
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31 Mar 2017, 10:45 am

rdos wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

rdos wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

All I know is wait 3 months/5 dates before having sex.

That's NT rules. Doesn't apply for NDs.

That's an extremely restrictive dating pool, though. At least with the path he's on he's getting somewhere.

I have nothing against dating ND girls...if you can find them. Henry has a good thing going. He just needs some trial/error experience to get it all straight.

Henry, next chance I get I'll fill you in on what you need to do next. Since you're a "rules" guy, you probably won't have any trouble with this. I've got a busy weekend ahead. I'm taking an elderly lady out to hear a Mennonite choir tonight and then tomorrow afternoon I'm having "the talk" with my oldest. He's been having girl trouble 3 years running and stuff almost got real with one of his classmates. And that's just the tip of the iceberg with the girls in his class. So it's time to drop the truth on him about what those two cats were really doing in our driveway last week! lol

HenryGramer
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31 Mar 2017, 12:34 pm

AngelRho wrote:

rdos wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

rdos wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

All I know is wait 3 months/5 dates before having sex.

That's NT rules. Doesn't apply for NDs.

Thanks yo. Any type of guidelines of what's appropriate with anything dating-wise. Anyway, I gotta focus on music and market myself. It's gonna take a while until I land another date. It's hard to talk to women in public anywhere unless they're giving me a touch or 2, but even then that's once in a great while and that might be coming off too strong.

rdos
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31 Mar 2017, 1:05 pm

AngelRho wrote:

That's an extremely restrictive dating pool, though.

The size of the dating pool is typically a non-issue. The typical issue is that it is too big so people need to do comprehensive checklists to make it smaller. IMO, NDs shouldn't use check-lists, but instead, they should improve the quality of their dating pool by removing NTs. After all, in this area, quality is everything and quantity don't matter.

AngelRho wrote:

At least with the path he's on he's getting somewhere.

He is? Which path? The path to zero confidence, perhaps?

AngelRho wrote:

He just needs some trial/error experience to get it all straight.

Not really. Learning how to master NT dating will only set him up to the path of failure. It won't help him in getting suitable partners.

AngelRho
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31 Mar 2017, 6:09 pm

rdos wrote:

AngelRho wrote:

That's an extremely restrictive dating pool, though.

AngelRho wrote:

At least with the path he's on he's getting somewhere.

He is? Which path? The path to zero confidence, perhaps?

AngelRho wrote:

He just needs some trial/error experience to get it all straight.

Not really. Learning how to master NT dating will only set him up to the path of failure. It won't help him in getting suitable partners.

Dude landed a ONS. 'Nuff said. The only time that happened to me my gf's best friend got dumped by her fiancé. She was sick of being a virgin, my gf felt bad for her, was willing, and I was happy to oblige. It was good. And when it was over she was done with me. We're all still friends.

Henry's hitting that right out of the chute. I choose not to interfere. It's working for him. Leave him alone.

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01 Apr 2017, 9:55 pm

HenryGramer wrote:

AngelRho wrote:

Out of curiosity, how did things go over the phone?

More important, though, congrats. You just got used by a girl!

Girls and guys really aren't that much different. We all just want sex (and you're fooling yourself if you disagree). Women don't have the overt reputation of just using men to scratch an itch, but there are those who do. You found one. You got used. She's moving on. So should you.

She texted me back and told me I'm too busy. It was probably due to the bad sex. Seriously, how do you known if the sex was good or not.

Also, I was the one that initiated all the texts. What does that mean? When I texted her, she replied in long sentences. I thought that meant interest. Man I gotta be careful...

You had sex with a girl, and it appears to have been casual, no string attached. You are the envy of slightly less than half the adult male population at the moment. I would leave said girl to her busy-ness.

ShadowProphet
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02 Apr 2017, 3:00 pm

HenryGramer wrote:

I want sex right away, the "relationship" thing to do is to make a girl wait 5 dates and then have sex. In the meantime, I'll just masturbate to her while I am getting to know her.

I laughed out loud to this comment.

You're a savage man.

HenryGramer
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02 Apr 2017, 5:27 pm

ShadowProphet wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

I want sex right away, the "relationship" thing to do is to make a girl wait 5 dates and then have sex. In the meantime, I'll just masturbate to her while I am getting to know her.

I laughed out loud to this comment.

You're a savage man.

Listen I'm desperate for solutions to keep a girl around for at least a year for it to count as a relationship. Of course I hate being single and have been using other sources to keep me pre-occupied. It's tough to keep a girl around and even keep her interested in me. Dating still is confusing and I have a hard time detecting pacing in dating and red flags.

Chronos
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02 Apr 2017, 11:41 pm

HenryGramer wrote:

ShadowProphet wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

I want sex right away, the "relationship" thing to do is to make a girl wait 5 dates and then have sex. In the meantime, I'll just masturbate to her while I am getting to know her.

I laughed out loud to this comment.

You're a savage man.

Do you just want a relationship to say you had one, or are you really looking for someone to form a bond with and potentially marry?

HenryGramer
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02 Apr 2017, 11:54 pm

Chronos wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

ShadowProphet wrote:

HenryGramer wrote:

I want sex right away, the "relationship" thing to do is to make a girl wait 5 dates and then have sex. In the meantime, I'll just masturbate to her while I am getting to know her.

I laughed out loud to this comment.

You're a savage man.

Do you just want a relationship to say you had one, or are you really looking for someone to form a bond with and potentially marry?

Bonding. Anything to keep a person around in my life that I can always have sex with and do things together with.

rdos
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03 Apr 2017, 2:07 am

HenryGramer wrote:

Bonding. Anything to keep a person around in my life that I can always have sex with and do things together with.

I still think you have strange priorities. I would never aim at bonding with somebody just to get a guarantee of regular sex. You have to realise that even people in relationships are not always into sex, so a relationship is not a guarantee of sex whenever you want it. With such requirements, you will be an easy target for blackmail.

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