A woman showed possible interest in me, and I got scared. :(

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I actually do agree. My point is when it comes to dating and relationships, if you manage to end up marrying a nice girl and you really do love her, it's selfish NOT to give her children. If she really loves you, she'll understand your fears and reservations and be willing to support you in that. You may need her to teach you how best you can support her or what to do in case there's an emergency and you have to take over with the kids. But basically all you have to remember is to keep things simple. Little Johnny falls and breaks his arm. She takes him to the ER, you put on an appropriate movie for the twins. Go to your man cave, play a video game, check on them every half hour. Let them have some popcorn or something (I'm an expert on stovetop popcorn).

Helping out with meals--the simple way to do it is open box, add water, simmer until done. Slightly more complicated but far superior way: Set electric pressure cooker to "brown." Add canola oil, onion powder, garlic powder. Add two cups of rice. Stir, toast for 5 minutes. Add can of tomato sauce, 4 cups of water, packet of taco seasoning. Stir. Add shredded chicken. Put on lid, steam on high pressure for 7 minutes. Quick release after timer goes off. Open lid, set heat to "simmer." Stir occasionally for another 5 min. Serve on soft tortillas. Put kids to bed early, get laid, because she's gonna love you for this.

All-purpose bread recipe, and I use this for everything: 3 cups bread flour, a generous sprinkling of salt (but not TOO much, and no, I never measure it), enough canola oil to make the flour seem a little moist, and a teaspoon of yeast. Stir in water a little at a time, be careful not to overdo it. Knead dough. Add flour if too sticky. If making rolls, which I do the most, use a measuring cup to make consistent portions. 1/4 cup will yield roughly 12 rolls. Add an extra cup of flour but keep yeast the same and you'll have two thick pizza crusts.

For pizza, use extra cup of bread flour, use 1 cup measuring cup to divide into 2 equal portions. I roll my dough out onto a pizza stone as a template and transfer one to a metal pan.

Bake on low rack at 450 for 5 minutes. Add a pasta sauce of your choice, mozzarella cheese, and pepperoni. Bake on top rack for 5 min. Repeat with second pizza. If you're slick about it, you can start the second pizza during the prep phase of the first one and they both come out roughly within 5 minutes of each other.

For rolls, let rise overnight, bake at 450 for 10 minutes. They freeze, so on a good day make a couple of batches at a time. Rise time is no different fresh or frozen (a good 8 hours).

What does this have to do with parenting? It's about making yourself invaluable to your wife while she devotes more time and energy to taking care of the kids for you. Also, rice, bread flour, oatmeal, peanut butter, and all sorts of canned goods are cheeeeeeeaaaaaaaap in bulk, so you grant your family a lot more spending power.

Oh...speaking of money... Our COMBINED income is less than $25k, so I have no idea where these hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on kids is coming from.

Read my lips (text?): I have no plans to have kids, ever! You said yourself that even if she "supports me" (notice the quotes), she'll still force to give her babies. And who cares how I feel, right? Contrary to what "society" wants from me, I want to live for more exciting pursuits than just pressing the snooze button on someone's biological alarm clock. And raising kids ain't it.

You just convinced me not to just be afraid of women 28 to 36, but to avoid them like the plague! At least romantically. I guess friendship is still OK.

Maybe I should do that vasectomy after all. The vodka is in the freezer, but where did I put those scissors?

There's only one way to find out what it's like and it's irreversible.You can't take your kids with you either What? How's it even possible to live on that? My salary is $55K per year (plus 1 or 2 thousand for my bonus) and I still feel like I'm poor. I can barely support one person (me) on $55K per year so how can you support multiple people on less than half that? How is that even possible?You don't have to do what society expects you to. You don't have to do what guys like rdos and AngelRho tell you to do. It's good that you won't let parenting duties get in the way of living your dreams.The peak age for wantig kids! Perhaps you should stick to dating women aged 18 to 25. It's possible to convince them to wait a decade or so. But what happens after a decade! Only if you're sexually active.

It's in no way selfish if you don't want to have children. There's no way I'm having any, and if I wind up with a woman who wants them, I will find a woman who doesn't. It's not THE RIGHT THING TO DO; it's something you can do if you want, and if you don't want any, you're not obligated to have any. What some people are saying here is ridiculous. And I don't care if evolution "meant" it to be some way; parenthood may be enjoyable for some and not at all for others.

Because they can get it in large variety? Something that beta males (your own reference) cannot. Conclusion: Beta males get more pleasure when being in a relationship than when pursuing casual sex.



Have you seen mine when I had a huge crush for 2.5 years? It was not once, but all the time.

They just don't like other people having priorities to them. They take it as a rejection of their values. It's like we're rejecting them.

So they try to convince us they're right even though us having kids would confer no benefit on them as they already have kids. They want us to have kids to validate their choice.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 04 Apr 2017, 10:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Not at all.



At least we have experience with having kids, so we know what we are talking about.

It would be bad for the kids to have them and regret them. People do that. Don't recommend it to people so casually.

Regarding the initial post, sounds like classic aspie overthinking to me. She wanted something, but there was only one way to find out what it was. All else is speculation.

It's like I said before. The only way to find out that I enjoy parenting is to have kids and that choice is irreversible.

In all kinds of things, if people want to feel certain that they made the right choice, they can compensate for that cognitive dissonance by trying to convince other people of the superiority of their choice. Take marriage, for example: people will mostly complain all the time about their spouses and their marriages, unless someone says they think it's better to stay single. Then, they have only praise to sing of marriage. It's pathetic.

I get you and I'm not here to argue about it. Look, it's not about what society dictates. I've worked my way to a respectably high position in what I do around here as a musician, but honestly I can't name a single person who'd so much as pee on me if I were on fire. So, no, society has no regard for me and I see no purpose in giving "society" any more power over my life than absolutely necessary.

The thing about a relationship is if you only exist for yourself, you don't have a relationship. If you can't care about what she wants, it won't work out.

I'm not trying to be confrontational. I just know how this works and I'm trying to help you understand. Denying your wife kids when she wants them is a mean thing to do. You're only thinking about yourself. I already have 3 and my wife is pestering me about #4. We don't have any money. We live in a small double-wide with barely enough room for the 5 of us, two boys sharing a room, and she wants ANOTHER one??? You mean I have to go through feedings, diapers, toilet training, teaching baby to walk, all over AGAIN???

But I'm getting old. Another day, another silver hair in what used to be a full head of jet black. She's not getting younger either. I managed to lose some 80 lbs. of post college dad bod, and I took up running. If I get lucky, I've got a good 20 years left to make this life count for something. I don't intend to spoil it because I'm too selfish to give my wife just one more. I love her more than life itself--and no, what I want DOESN'T matter because she is too important to me.

I'm dreading it. I'm scared. But I've been there before, and I remember what it was like when my wife and daughter both almost DIED. I remember my dreams being shattered, losing my home, and raising two kids out of a motel room.

So...PLEASE tell me ALL about how scared you are of having children, because compared to my experience it MUST be SO TERRIFYING for you...

Marriage and children aren't for everyone. I just disagree with certain skewed views of it.

I don't understand people who gripe about their spouses. Even if something bugs me, I keep my mouth shut about it around other people. Venting opens couples up for all sorts of trouble. Just don't do it. Always take your issues up with your partner and keep it private. Never trash your SO in front of others.

Well, then if some man knows that he doesn't want kids he should just marry a woman who doesn't want kids either. They do exist. Then he's not denying her anything.
It's only unfair if he lied to her. If both are honest from the beginning on there is no issue. They either are compatible or not and if they are not and not having kids is important to one of them and having kids is important to the other, they simply shouldn't get married.

You could make the same argument that it's selfish to want children when your partner doesn't. Regardless, it seems to me that the solution is simple; find a partner who shares the same views as you do. If you want kids, marry somebody else who wants them. Otherwise, find a person who isn't into kids.

I don't see trying to force incompatible world views together as a recipe for happiness. Better to find the right person.

Aspie1: I'm sorry if I'm being harsh. It's not up to me to dictate what you should do. If you don't want kids, you don't want kids. There are women out there who don't want kids, too, but they can be hard to find. And even if you do find them, there's no guarantee the relationship will work out. And even if it does, then you have to worry about her changing her mind the closer she gets to 40. The biological alarm clock is frightening for a lot of women, and then there's the lifetime of regret beyond that always wondering "What if?" The prospect of spending your life with that woman is much more depressing and miserable than just getting it over with.

My life experience on a personal level has been utterly horrible. People commit suicide over less than what I've been through. There were times that my wife and children were all I had to live for. The thing about children is they only know how to love. I remember being half passed out in the motel from tequila one afternoon when my oldest child crawled on top of me and took a nap. I was, like, I don't even need this crap anymore, and I never did it again. All the love I need is right here. It changes you, and it changes you in a way that you don't even care or even miss the person you used to be.

If you can't, then you can't, and I'm not going to pressure you about it. I'm just saying it's not nearly as bad as you imagine it to be. Because my life has sucked so bad for so long, these bright spots that are my children and everything we've been through together has made me very passionate about it. You can't know what that's like unless you've walked straight through hell and come out the other side...and walked right straight back through. Don't hold it against me if I'm outspoken about it! You do what you feel is best for you.

I've seen people have kids unplanned, get their lives in order, become more successful, and produce amazing adult offspring. If I had found myself in that position, I would have rearranged my priorities and gotten down to business. If you don't want kids, and they happen anyway, you have to make it work. Have to. I have no way of knowing what it would have cost, or how I could have benefited.

There will never be a way to know which would make a specific individual person happier, so we all just do the best we can with the information we have.

This topic may deserve it's own thread, though. All this talk of kids still strikes me as wildly unfounded speculation with regard to the initial post. Use a condom; get a vasectomy if you want. I don't see any reason to avoid having sex altogether, and it seems fairly certain that's all the woman at the club wanted for starters. People do tend to have conversations about this sort of thing before getting too attached, and a night of pleasure doesn't normally end in a lifelong committment if you take reasonable precautions.