I'm very abusive and I hurt everyone

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I feel so much about killing my self but I'm afraid because of my mother

Do you think that there might have been something that they did that caused you to that way towards them?

The hell is a water fast? that sounds extremely unhealthy/dangerous I advise, you drink some damn water if you're still on this ridiculous 'fast' as I cannot stand by without even strongly advising you to drink water you will die if you try go to that long without water.


I mean seriously are you ok? you posted this two days ago and even a couple days is a dangerous amount of time to go without water.

he ignores me when he can't benefit from me, it seems. so i feel used and that's why i get angry, because it doesn't seem fair. he recently start this politics of only doing the things he wants to do even if it's wrong. i like him so much and i'm sad he is going to this way and don't see it as a mistake but i won't feel more sad that i was mean to him because at least i know i'm wrong.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_fasting

But is he right? I mean what he can be as inconsiderate and irresponsible as he wants, but somehow you're the one who is consistently 'wrong'? I mean the more I read this the more I am starting to think your 'meanness' is in retaliation to nasty behaviors of guys you've been in relationships with...rather than just no reason and you just wanting to manipulate people. I mean yeah if people aren't treating you right it is only natural to get fed up and act in ways to retaliate. Maybe try and find a relationship with some one you get along with better...I mean after perhaps ending this one. But yeah based on this it sounds like you've just been in incompatible relationships than that you 'abuse' partners. Unless of course you're leaving out stuff or toning down your mean-ness for posting here.

And he ignores you when you don't benefit him in what way? I hate to say it but if he ignores you aside from like sexual stuff than he's probably just leading you on...and will eventually either ghost you or cut your relationship off when he gets bored or moves on.

Also, has anyone else besides this'boyfriend' of yours told you you're abusive or implied it?

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 09 Apr 2017, 2:28 am, edited 2 times in total.

Ok then I guess I should be saying 'Eat some f***king Food'! you can't live on water alone for 40 days...still unhealthy and dangerous. I mean ok perhaps you could get away with a week but 40 days are you kidding me you cannot survive eating nothing for 40 days. Just do it for a week at most(even that seems stupidely risky though)...don't starve yourself to death.

All I can say is read up further on the topic. Fasting is inappropriate for some and excellent for others.

Regardless I think 40 days is too long to keep up a fast in which you only consume water and no food/nutrients? A more reasonable amount of time wouldn't be so bad... though I still don't get it, why torture yourself with hunger to 'worship god' or whatever for any length of time? but at least like a few days or a week would be a lot reasonable than 40 days .

Also though malnourishment can effect functioning, so people in jobs or careers where they are depended on and screwing up puts people at risk probably shouldn't fast since not eating can make you lightheaded and less rational and things like that. I know if I go too long without eating I feel like crap...so don't get people willingly doing it to themselves.

You quickly sided with the OP and started attacking the guy even though the OP is not giving any details.

What are the 'wrong' things the guy is doing? She didn't say what, she didn't give any examples.

I wouldn't take sides as long she's being so oblivious like this.

This point cannot be stressed enough. I read about a guy who took it to the level of literally going out in the wilderness and as best anyone can tell didn't make it past day 30. That wasn't really my whole point. The point was more about how taking some time for reflection, making some firm decisions, and devising ways of following through to change behavior. In my case, the level of extraneous noise was causing me to practically rage at kids...and it's not like administrators haven't noticed the issues with this particular group. So for me to calm them down, I've got to calm myself down first. And if that means I have to find some kind of accommodation, then that's what I'll do. I'm radically different from how I began, and my classroom is MUCH better for it.

For her to get along better with other people and not abuse them, I suggest she find out what the root of all the "noise" is that's setting her off and find ways to reduce it. For me it's literal noise and earplugs fixed it. I don't know the solution for her, no doubt there's something out there that can help. Stress ball? Chewing gum? Setting conversational boundaries? This isn't about me, so after this, let's stick with the topic.

...

Thanks for your concern, I do appreciate it. Now, I'm only going to explain this once... To clarify the fasting thing, I'm just fine. For me, it's a spiritual experience, nothing more or less. I'm not the first person to do it, nor is it even my first trip to the rodeo. I have ups and downs as you might expect. Last week about Wednesday afternoon through Friday I was so high on ketone I spent most of my free time cooking and cleaning up in the kitchen. I bottomed out by late Friday evening and have been battling nausea ever since. My lawn mower has been in the shop the last two weeks and I really need to cut grass except, well, right now I physically just can't do it. My son is helping me with that this weekend, and maybe I'll feel better tomorrow and can put in a couple of hours, finish up before it rains again. My plans on Tuesday are to finish as much meal prep as I can. Beginning Wednesday, my plans are to move around as little as possible for the final 7 days. I still have obligations, but the more I conserve energy, the more likely I can tough it out (which I'm convinced is more psychological than medical, since counting down the days coupled with a few negative effects can really wear you down).

Mentally, I'm always aware of the effects. I find I'm a lot sharper on ketone and wish this could last forever simply for that one benefit. On the down side, I noticed a few issues about three weeks ago with my hands and was able to get past it. Actually, I had to play a more mentally demanding arrangement this morning and executed the hardest passage live better than I ever did in practice--and I struggled with it even before fasting. I've only had two really bad nightmares so far since beginning. That will likely increase, and sleeping will be difficult as my electrolyte levels make it hard to breathe. Yes, that will also make my classroom performance difficult, BUT I only have to make it for two hours a day. This week will be easy because we're out for Maundy Thursday AND Good Friday, and then I only have three working days to go.

I'll begin recovery next Thursday. I know all about refeeding syndrome, sodium/potassium balance, and all that. I'll start with an all-liquid diet, move up to veggies, add some carbs (mainly rice), and work up to normal size portions. You can realistically eat normal food in tiny portions and be fine, just avoid excessive sodium. Eventually it will balance out on its own. I'm choosing to err on the side of safety by starting out with broth and gradually going to solids. I'll likely continue losing weight for a few days until the sodium rights itself and I begin retaining water.

Previously I had mostly good days, only really getting bad the last week. I began in mid December. Nights were bad because it was FREEKIN COLD! Taking water just drops my body temp even more and making me nuts. Thankfully it hasn't been so bad this time. Last time I almost passed out in front of 200-300 people. I've taken some practical steps to time my standing/sitting, so I've had no episodes like that.

Getting up in the morning to go to the bathroom is no fun, but my vision clears within a few seconds. It's in part dehydration, and that's one of the first things I fix every morning. If I put it off, I'm miserable all day long. I time drinking around my teaching schedule so I don't have little "emergencies." And when I'm able, I take in about a liter of water every hour. In practice, I get about 5 liters of water a day, more or less.

I don't suggest just anyone try this. I do firmly believe that everyone should (who is able) practice regular fasting for, like, one day maybe every week. Intermittent, or window fasting is also good, especially for someone showing early signs of diabetes. If you feel you want to do an extended fast, 21 days is not bad. You go long enough that you lose your appetite, but without the extreme weight loss of a 40-day marathon fast. Just be aware that anything longer than 5 days and you have to be aware of your sodium/potassium intake and start out with restricted portion sizes. Jack with sodium or potassium and you're a grand prize winner for cardiac arrest.

Any time you fast, I personally STRONGLY suggest that you do NOT do it for weight loss. For me, it's a faith thing--you can't walk on water if you don't step on the boat, and I've allowed food to become a distraction from things that matter most to me: being a good father, a good husband, a good teacher, a good friend, and being more Christlike in my behavior and all that I do. If you're going to fast, you need to back it up with something meaningful, because weight and fat are entirely superficial things you can deal with by diet and exercise. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to see it go! But, say, if you normally go for a cheeseburger and you choose to fast that day, buy the cheeseburger anyway and give it to a homeless person. And don't stop there, like, try to talk to them and get their story. I'm not talking about mentally ill people who will hurt you and need a different kind of help or drug addicts, but honest people down on their luck who just need a break and need to know someone cares. That's what it's all about--and the benefit to your waist-line is just a bonus.

Seriously, anybody here ever been without food so long you don't even feel hungry anymore? For some people out there, that's just another day in paradise. I can end this any time I choose. Don't feel bad for me. Feel bad for those who don't get a choice.

[/soapbox]

And for you GOT/ASOIAF fans out there, yeah, sometimes I do feel a little like Baylor the Blessed.

II didn't quickly do anything, and I still don't know what exactly to think..but since she said its because she feels used and that he ignores her when he can't benefit. It makes it look like it could be her boyfriend whos behaving more problematic...but yeah still wont be sure until they can provide a bit more detail about how he ignores her and what he does to make her feel used.

It's complicated – both times I post here I was really emotional, now I'm a bit calmer but it's still difficult to picture the situation. I don't believe I'm a saint and the guys are bad, but otherwise maybe I'm not all bad. None of the relationships were an official relationship, I think this add a lot to the mess and instability.

He admits he is wrong sometimes, but it's always full of excuses, he rarely ask sorry or show any will to change. When all the point of our relation was how he has hopes that I'll change and become someone better. This is very hard to me, he looks me down a lot, he is 7 years older, has obviously more things figured out, but I often feel really bad because it seems that he only sees my bad sides, but he often says that this is my fault because I only emphasize my bad sides.

When we start having sex it was a bit confusing, I wasn't much sure how much I wanted, but I was in a position I didn't felt comfortable in stoping him and I had already some feelings so I got attached to it, but he had mentioned that he wouldn't love me and he wouldn't want to have a relationship with me – I didn't understand that he meant that because he couldn't felt attracted to me, I thought it was more related to the fact that we live far away. He also showed me a lot of stuff or his ex-gf, and she is beautiful and he loved her and I got feeling even worst - I don't know if he had any purpose doing this.

Then we start to talk and travel to see each other and everything and we somehow end up in a relationship, although he would keep it and be nice to me he also made very clear that he didn't love me and I didn't fulfilled his expectations as a girlfriend. During this time, he also had meet his ex-gf and had sex with her and I felt really bad over this, specially because he had kind of lied to me (he told me he would host a friend, but didn't mention it was her). As we weren't in an official relationship, and it was also distance, I asked him to tell me if he was going to see or had sex with anyone, not because I wanted to control him but because I didn't want to worry about it, but then I just got suspicious and asked and he confirmed.

Things went more or less like this for 8 months, we were in a relationship but not much, we travelled to meet each other, it was obviously that I loved him and he didn't loved me back and we had a few discussions about it, I was going to move to even more far from him and I was very sad about it and he seemed much more neutral. When I moved, it was really difficult, because I was very sad that we didn't had any plans to see each other and he didn't seem to care, he said he would visit me some day but never really made any plan.

At this point things got really bad, we would discuss more frequently, and I started to point out more what I felt it was an unfair treatment. At some point, he seemed to like that I was more critical – I used to be too passive with him. But maybe I was too much critical... I don't know. The flaws I saw on him wasn't news, but I changed my attitude and it's here where I see an abusive behavior, I didn't criticize him because the critics were important, but I did because I want to affect him. I felt he looked me down and I wanted to put him down so he would se we were equals.

This is the general context, sorry it was too long.

The day I made this topic he told me that I was poisonous to him. I agree, I became really mean because I thought he was mean to me and I wanted to affect him. I don't think this is right. What happened that day it was the previously day I went to a very stressful situation – a guy try to steal me on the street, I didn't had anything so he got mad and hurt me with a knife – I spent the night on the police station and when I got home, I wanted to talk with him because I was feeling really bad and he was the only person who could comfort him, I sent him a message asking if we could talk (we hadn't talked for a week, which was a lot because we often talk daily) and he said me that he was busy but we could talk later, during the night I sent him a message asking if he would be able to talk that day still, and he sent me some message like "it's saturday night" – I felt really bad, and I start sending him many messages about he didn't have any more space for me in his life and everything else, and it escalated until I said bad stuff about him, and so on. This is a behavior I consider very wrong, I got a negative and reacted very badly and tried to affect him.

The bad thing I discovered about him after was that he has a girlfriend for weeks, and he didn't told me... and this was one of the reasons he wasn't talking much to me recently, and he had lied to me saying it was just work stuff and so on. Also, he told me that it was natural that he didn't gave me much more attention anymore because I wasn't a novelty anymore, and I felt so disposable, it hurts.

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Sorry, it's still too long.

The other guy I had something going on it was also a complicated situation. He had another confusing relationship, they would split and return very often, and the girl was really mean to me (mostly she would do cyberbullying, like posting pictures of me in some forum to people say how ugly I was and then send me a link) and he didn't anything. But it was her, not him, so I maybe should had direction my anger better? Again I start to be too critical, and I tried to push him out of his friends (because they were also friend to that girl), which again I think it wasn't a good behavior. He wasn't never directly bad to me, he was just omissive I think.



EDIT: I felt used mostly because whenever he is alone and need someone I ready to give him whatever he wants, and if I can't I often feel very guilty, and he clearly doesn't share the same view. Which maybe is normal, and I'm who shouldn't be so available.

It seems worst now he is very open about this idea that he only should do exactly what he wants. It's complicated, I did a lot of stuff that was out of my comfort zone and I still feel embarrassed about it, and he acts like I'm being too mean if I ask to talk.

Well to each their own but that does sound horrendous...I myself sometimes forget to eat and that's bad enough. I also find it very difficult to gain any weight or hold onto any. Like the instant I eat it gets absorbed and used up as energy...but sometimes I get side tracked and put off eating and if I wait till past the point of really feeling the hunger I start getting really grumpy and can't think or make decisions or might feel lightheaded so then I know I need to eat something right now.

Enough. Get some scientific knowledge of a subject before thinking your opinions should matter.

Science says you cannot live for 40 days without food without at least severely damaging yourself...I found a link that says victims of starvation have been found to survive up to 40 days, but likely only hanging on by a thread seems typically its more around 20 days.

You don't like my opinion that going 40 days with no food is a way of self harm that is dangerous, and something I advise against? Then don't read it, I'm not going to stop having that opinion which is once again certainly backed by plenty of science.