Women As The Breadwinners

Post Reply New Topic

I don't know. Perhaps she doesn't enjoy doing those tasks.

You know what I would be doing? I would be doing all the household work that needed to get done and make sure a nice dinner was ready for you when you got home so you could relax and get prepared for your next day of work - especially if I had extra time on my hands. That would be my way of showing appreciation for all that you do for me by going to work and providing for me a roof over my head and food to eat and a chance to be able to study. That's why she should do those things for you, imo. It's not about if she likes to do them or not.

nurseangela, a reasonable husband can never dare to tell a non-working wife to cook for him or to clean his clothes..etc because it may be taken in the wrong way and be accused as sexist and macho (it may be taken as if he's telling her place is in kitcken or woman being man's maid. ...or reviving old sexist notions ...etc), even if logically it's a totally fair division of tasks between a working and non-working partners. He may trigger in her some old passed grudges inherited from pre-equality days.

As for you, you can easily demand a non-working husband to do all these stuff, and the whole female society would applaud for you; no one is gonna accuse you that you're reviving some old sexist notions, in the contrast, they would call you very progressive.

So if the housewife is too lazy to cook or to clean, the best thing a husband can do is to shut up about it, and order some pizza, or hires a maid for this if he can afford it.

I don't see why women make such a big deal of staying at home. If I were married I'd rather do home chores and care for the kids instead of working as a man. And it's a very important job aswell because you are responsible for the next generation and you can really mess things up if you don't do it properly. Kids need that quality time with someone who enjoys caring for them and doesn't complain about what kind of work they could've done if it weren't for them. I would however be at a disadventage as a male though since women are better equipped when it comes to caring for kids, making it common in most cultures that women stay at home.

My wife has long been the breadwinner in our house some 8 years now. I work fewer hours, but the extra money I pick up from time to time pays vastly more by the hour, so it's starting to even out. With more time on my hands, the stinky diapers, feeding, etc. all fell on me. But I doubled up on using that time also looking for ways to supplement our income. I kept busy. It's beginning to pay off!

Why I don't cook: actually, I DO cook, but only certain times and certain things. Before we got married, I used to cook all the time and I LOVED it. All kinds of pasta, meat dishes, any kind of gourmet burger you can imagine, meatloaf actually worth eating, creme brulee, all that.

Then we got married. First, she complained about my spaghetti. So I stopped making spaghetti. Then she complained that some of my meals took too long to prep and cook, so I stopped making those. And finally, she said that I got to cook all the time in MY kitchen, and this was HER kitchen. I didn't bother discussing the absurdity of this with her, I just accepted the fact my cooking days were over.

And that's why I don't cook anymore.

I'm limited to oatmeal, bread baking/pizza night, outdoor grilling, special occasions, and anything involving the electric pressure cooker.

I used to try to do housework. She complained that I "didn't do it right." And then when the house was a mess after I'd been taking care of the baby, she'd ask "What do you do all day?"

And then she complains about how she has to work all day and STILL has to take care of laundry, dishes, and kids, can't really rest at night, and still feels worn out on her way to work. Um...well, all I can say is I tried!

Overall we have a happy marriage. We have the usual ups and downs you can expect from any marriage. We disagree on things, I have to apologize for things beyond my control, I'm at the mercy of shifting moods, and all that. You can't get around that, not even in the best situations. By far, it doesn't remotely overshadow the joy, the laughter, the love, the companionship, the long rides, the vacations, the "family nights" when someone else cooks, the birthday parties, holidays, the awards days at school, the archery tournaments, the music, screaming at the top of our lungs whenever Journey is on the radio, slow dancing to "Wonderful Tonight," and all that. Just tuning out the noise and being together the way we were when we were dating.

Everything else is just sealing the foundation. I'd LIKE to feel more useful. Instead I end up just getting in the way and causing more misery than I would if I just leave things alone. Somehow I always end up paying for it in the end, because no one is going to end up taking the blame for their own part in creating this particular monster, the whole "Rho can't do anything right in the kitchen, can't do laundry, etc." thing. That's one of the few things I've just had to learn to tune out. Once I take more responsibility in the kitchen, I've taken over "her" kitchen. Once I start folding towels, I "didn't do it right." She will still complain. I will still be wrong. She will still be tired and stressed out either way. I'd always prefer being right to being happy. HOWEVER, it's THIS case I choose to make my only exception!