Men give no clues

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Ignotum
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20 Apr 2017, 5:05 pm

hurtloam wrote:

The thing is though there have been men who have seemed to very obviously like me, but never ask me out. It makes me think that I'm the one doing something wrong.

Like they'll get flustered when I talk to them or make a big thing of saying hello to me (I mean they say it over enthusiastically) or will be over enthusiastic about doing a little thing for me like handing me a thing I asked them to pass over to me like I asked for something more significant than a mug or a stapler.

Yep, what you mentioned is generally a sign of attraction, although whether you would want to follow through on it and start a conversation or something is totally up to you. And it can certainly be hard building up the confidence to do that or even go as far as asking them out or for their phone number, so nothing to feel guilty about. Even NT people have trouble doing that kinda stuff, and you're an aspie!

Also, I can certainly understand how signals like that, where most NT's would immediately understand the intention, can be hard for people like us to decipher. There are a slew of instances in my earlier days when women would be very obviously making a move towards me and I would have no idea why they acted in the way they did until thinking about it hours later!

The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Apr 2017, 5:51 pm

hurtloam wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

If he liked you back, it would be obvious and you wouldn't second-guess.

I wish you will experience this soon at least once, so you understand what I mean, it's hard to explain - but take my word for it.

Second-guessing = the other isn't into you.

I don't think I will. I'm just not the kind of girl that guys want. I only see little signs that are nothing really. It never goes anywhere.

I think that someone likes me now because of how he acts around me, but it won't come to anything. It never does.

That's the most common and oldest delusions for loners like is: reading too much into the little things; like your example of asking them to pass you the pass and they act over friendly.

But usually these things *are* nothing.

Friendly people are not necessarily your friends, nor admirers.

hurtloam
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20 Apr 2017, 11:08 pm

You really know how to kill a good feeling Boo

So no one has ever truly been attracted to me.

Great. I'm just an ugly potato.

See that's what I mean. There's no real clues. Just a vast wasteland of nothing.

I wish I wasn't such a loser than no one wants. Why can one guy like me? Just one. That's all.

Yeah, but if someone is consistently o t t about helping you with stupid little things then that's not nothing. It's a cluster of things that make me suspicious rather than a one off nice thing.

It's like your job here is to put people down Boo. You're very nasty sometimes

314pe
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21 Apr 2017, 12:18 am

hurtloam wrote:

So no one has ever truly been attracted to me.

Maybe someone was/is, but you didn't/don't notice because you're not attracted to him?

Ignotum
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21 Apr 2017, 12:23 am

hurtloam wrote:

I'm sure he didn't mean any harm. He probably thought you were distressed about this whole attraction thing and thought it best to try and persuade you that it wasn't a big deal. It certainly wasn't the right thing to say, but us aspies are pretty prone to misunderstanding and miscommunication at times!

Anyway, problems with self-loathing like what you're probably going through can be an absolute bi*** to deal with, but I'm positively sure that you're not all that bad. You are probably a very attractive, kind person who's just going through some tough times right now. I'll try and concentrate all my brain energy to send you a comforting telepathic hug!

ElabR8Aspie
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21 Apr 2017, 1:50 am

hurtloam wrote:

I've noticed men commenting that women only seem to give really subtle clues that men miss.

From a woman's perspective men seem to do the same. Why is it always me who has to make the first move. I always feel like I'm jumping blindly into the dark.

I'm always told to make it more obvious. But why can't the guy make it more obvious

I always find out that he was just being friendly and the attention didn't mean anything.

I personally prefer a woman to make the first 'direct' move.
When woman drop subtle clues and hints,i'm not 100% sure,if there interested or not.

And if i misread those subtle clues and hints,then i'd make a complete goose of myself.
I'm simply no good at reading other people.

So why can't women be more direct and say what they feel and mean?
Why p**** foot around?

If a woman said she liked me and i liked her in return,the rest is easy.

That's the biggest battle and hurdle,is the knowing of initial attraction between two people.

And for an aspie male,less effort,means the direct approach works best.

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rdos
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21 Apr 2017, 3:19 am

hurtloam wrote:

The thing is though there have been men who have seemed to very obviously like me, but never ask me out. It makes me think that I'm the one doing something wrong.

If I liked you, I would never ask you out. Not my style. You would know by my persistent interest, not by me making contact or asking for a date.

ElabR8Aspie
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21 Apr 2017, 3:36 am

rdos wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

The thing is though there have been men who have seemed to very obviously like me, but never ask me out. It makes me think that I'm the one doing something wrong.

If I liked you, I would never ask you out. Not my style. You would know by my persistent interest, not by me making contact or asking for a date.

Same and my sentiments exactly.

hurtloam
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21 Apr 2017, 1:09 pm

ElabR8Aspie wrote:

rdos wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

The thing is though there have been men who have seemed to very obviously like me, but never ask me out. It makes me think that I'm the one doing something wrong.

If I liked you, I would never ask you out. Not my style. You would know by my persistent interest, not by me making contact or asking for a date.

Same and my sentiments exactly.

Hmm the interest always dies. It's like I don't reciprocate in a normal and expected way. There's a flurry of extra-ness and then just back to normal

Ignotum
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21 Apr 2017, 1:38 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Hmm the interest always dies. It's like I don't reciprocate in a normal and expected way. There's a flurry of extra-ness and then just back to normal

Acting ab-normally certainly isn't a new thing to me and I'm sure many other people on this forum, no reason to feel down about it. Have you ever tried online dating or something like that? It might work out better for you.

I can see from this and a few other posts you made that you might be going through a bit of depression right now, hope you feel a bit better in the near future. I've go

ne through a few nihilistic phases recently and I know how it can feel sometimes to be in a constant cycle of self hatred. Maybe you need some more telepathic hugs? :mrgreen:

hurtloam
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21 Apr 2017, 3:45 pm

Ignotum wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Hmm the interest always dies. It's like I don't reciprocate in a normal and expected way. There's a flurry of extra-ness and then just back to normal

ne through a few nihilistic phases recently and I know how it can feel sometimes to be in a constant cycle of self hatred. Maybe you need some more telepathic hugs? :mrgreen:

Thanks. I actually don't really think there is anything wrong with me. I can't understand why men don't want to go out with me. But I'm the only common denominator her.

The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Apr 2017, 5:41 pm

hurtloam wrote:

I liked you, at least that my online impression which often as offline, like I liked you and would have asked you out for meetup if you were in proximity.... but you're in another continent, and you would have rejected me anyway because i am shorter than you and not blond and not of your faith :lol:

; but that's another story. So yeah, forget what I said - I am a logical person.

Quote:

Yeah, but if someone is consistently o t t about helping you with stupid little things then that's not nothing. It's a cluster of things that make me suspicious rather than a one off nice thing.

It's like your job here is to put people down Boo. You're very nasty sometimes

Because hoping on these little things lead to big disappointments and depression - it happened to me numerous times, when I was more naive, and I have seen it in others.
The frequency of things ....is important, but the surest signs are the frequent communications; check for guys who wants to talk/text to you all the time instead.

Helping women with little stupid things....is something men instinctively like to do it a lot btw, like for example if some attractive girl using some machine wrong in gym or finding a hard time to hold some weight, you will see 100 guys jumped im suddenly all want to help her :lol:

- it makes my eyes roll and want to throw up. And the girl would just smile and be like 'teehee thank you'; jeez.

And it doesn't really work to make those guys score in anything.

ZachGoodwin
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21 Apr 2017, 6:05 pm

So what? If men want to help someone then it's alright. It doesn't have to be oppositional and anti-establishment. It's also not like all those men are trying to get in the bed. We don't just wake up one day and think about sex, food, World of Warcraft, football, and beer nonstop. I can enjoy other things and be a bit different.

parabasis
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21 Apr 2017, 6:11 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:

World of Warcraft is still a thing? We really are in a rut as a species...

The_Face_of_Boo
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21 Apr 2017, 6:11 pm

ZachGoodwin wrote:

The men i am talking about never help guys or old women as enthusiastically, if ever.

parabasis
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21 Apr 2017, 6:36 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

ZachGoodwin wrote:

The men i am talking about never help guys or old women as enthusiastically, if ever.

Yeah, those guys weren't helpful just to be helpful, there were ulterior motives involved.

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