Should I stay or should I go?

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Extra bit of advice if the root problem really is the open arrangement:

Depending on how you've discussed the open relationship thing with him in the past, I think your main challenge is actually convincing him that you're suddenly okay with a closed one, which I myself am quite skeptical about judging from your posts here. And I predict he is going to be skeptical too.

You should emphasize the point that he is enough for you, and that he can trust you and feel safe, and hopefully have your intentions in line with that aswell.

Could you possibly help him take advantage of the open aspect of the relationship? Maybe it could work then, it's not going to work unless it works for both of you.

Thanks for all the support everyone. I've had my head in knots.



I suppose the best way around this one is to be honest with him and explain that it is a compromise- but one I'm willing to make if it means I get to keep him and he is happy in our relationship. (?????) Maybe?? Maybe not???

I can't LIE.
But it is the truth that I'd rather have him than anybody else.

I've actually been making him a fabric dead bird as a joke. You know how like cats bring in dead stuff when they love you? Yeah kind of like that.... also I've been reading loads of books on ways of communicating when one or both partners have AS and been applying those to our relationship. It has been working things are better. We still have our grumbles but they don't turn into full-blown arguments and shut-downs anymore. Result.

But yeah. Haven't told him about the books, or the dead bird, or that I love him. :/

I did tell him he's the best at cuddles and I keep telling him I miss him and want to spend time with him.



I dunno I'm starting to think we have enough communication issues as it is since we are both AS. Obviously one needs a lot of communication in an open relationship to make it work. Maybe its a for the future thing but in addition at the moment I have a load of personal issues such as.... impending homeless-ness
I have enough on my plate. My initial reaction is: no! just no lets keep it simple please.

He's said in the past 'he doesn't want a relationship' which is total BS because we have one- a relationship can be whatever the f**k two people want. I still don't understand wtf he really means exactly by this. (He said "I don't want to meet your parents and stuff.")

...

A few weeks ago I discovered he was still using online dating sites, despite the fact we've been seeing each other for 6 months now. I'm not convinced by monogamy anyway but I asked him to change his status to 'in an open relationship' and weeks later he has not, yet he is still using these sites. >:(
I found this out today and I'm very upset and angry.

I hope it is mostly that he's not ok with an open relationship and it isn't because he isn't into me.

The first time we went out he was so so so into me, so its really odd how much the dynamic has changed since.

I'm seeing him tomorrow evening so we can talk then.

I disagree with Chronos, open relationships are very much long term for the most part as they depend on personal appreciation rather than social standing. I normally feel much the same as OP no matter the fact I'm generally just studying rather than meeting anyone. I have no idea what Facebook publically says about me & I hope it's not a sore point.

Its true that it opens up my options to get some of the things I need but might be missing...

...I'd pick him over an open relationship any day.

So basically if I'm missing him I'm missing a lot.

(Friends are better than casual sex anyway.)

I didn't say open relationships couldn't be long term, but I don't think this relationship has the makings of an open relationship. He said he didn't want to be in a relationship (with her), and went behind her back to find another one.

For what it's worth all my relationships are equally strange at least & I'm thankful beyond words I'm not an absolute loner.

I'd say the tricky magical part is chilling out long enough to acquire routines. Websites are only websites, from what you've said I still mostly doubt this guy's dumped you.