Maybe I am going to go :(

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I'm a cynic tonight.

Go ahead, end it.

Maybe he will never be able to meet your needs. Maybe on the other hand you are more needy.

In any case, both of you will just be frustrated - him with feeling insufficient and you with feeling unsatisfied.

I'm still dealing with this today in a 36 year long relationship.

Best that you both deal with the loss of a relationship now. He'll feel hopeless and you'll feel unwanted, but whatever. Life tends to suck regularly when someone is in a relationship with someone on the spectrum.

I don't know about him, but something like this would certainly make me question YOUR commitment to this relationship, and very much make me hesitant to call myself your boyfriend. Loyalty is typically a big thing with aspies. Even the suggestion would make me feel that I'm not enough for you, and you should consider him going along with it a sign of significant devotion to your desires on his part.

Also, did you tell him you don't want it to be open anymore?




Yet you tell your aspie significant other that you'd like to date other men for a while?




All the effort of dating other men while he works a demanding job, and then complaining when he does not see himself as exclusively yours? I think you need to start looking at this more from his point of view.




I'm sorry, what?

Ok definitely do not PLAN on being frustrated. I get pretty cynical but I think this boils down to talking.

Yes I did tell him this.

Prior to our 'open relationship' label he twice told me he couldn't give me what I wanted and didn't 'want a relationship'.




I'm sorry, what?[/quote]

Yeh he hardly ever calls or gets in touch.

I've just been evicted from my house I'm having a really sh***y time. I just wanted him to call me.

If he's already told you he does not want a relationship, I don't see what's left to talk about.

Re-read carefully, and you'll see why I was confused.

Because 'I don't want a relationship' is the biggest cop orut piece of crap I hear from the mouths of blokes.

I have a relationship with the woman in the corner shop.

The point is that you agree on what the terms and conditions of that relationship is.

I asked him to specify what he meant; he said that...

"I don't want to meet your parents and stuff."
(That's ok I'm not ready for that either)

And we talked about how when we used to date it was a bit too full on for both of us, I have a demanding job too. I'm an independent person I don't need someone around me 24/7.

He obviously does care about me even if his behaviour drives me ducking nuts at times.

He's not dating anybody else and last time we spoke told me he wasn't looking to leave the relationship.

Hmmm... Just trying to understand, why do you feel it's a cop out?

So, you basically feel that you're entitled to his affection regardless of his wishes, because his wishes don't count...?




By that metric, you and I have a relationship. I'm still not going to call and ask how you're doing, even if you tell me to.




Well, he says he doesn't want it at all , you're assuming it'll happen in due time ("when you're ready").
Maybe he also doesn't want the kind of relationship where he calls and asks you how you feel, regardless of you commanding him to do so. Maybe he's prepared to have you be "company and a shag", and no more? Maybe, in some small way, his wishes are actually somewhat relevant here?

Yeh I think that possibly is what he wants, which is why I'm thinking of leaving him. (That's the title of this thread by the way.)

Thanks for making me cry by the way

Maybe remember that you're dealing with real people who have feelings next time.

I've just been evicted from my house and I'm probably going to break up with someone I love.

Give me a break.

Because it's the terms and conditions of a relationship that are important.

In my experience "I don't want a relationship"= I want things on my terms all the time

Seeing as you just got evicted and are possibly about to make a hard decision, I'll just pass on too much of the blame with regards to you crying. In your own words; "give me a break". Someone on the internet saying things you don't like should rank rather low on things that concern you. If you want unconditional support, you should go to The Haven.

And you've considered the feelings of the man you talk about exactly zero times in your posts so far.


Believe what you will, but I'm not saying any of this to be mean-spirited or hurtful, but certain things need to be said with some sting. You are not the first woman who've come here seeking advice regarding their aspie partner, and many of them have thanked me profusely for my analysis and input, even when I've had to be harsh. I most often try to put myself in the position of the aspie man in question, because here's a shocker; I'm an aspie man! And if my partner not only suggested, but followed through with, dating other people while still wanting me around in some capacity, I'd be very cautious about agreeing to call myself her boyfriend. Ever. If she also demanded that I commit to her, tried to instruct me in how and when to express my affection and declared my opinion on whether or not I want to have a romantic relationship with someone invalid because her feelings are just more important...well, let's just say she wouldn't have to worry about breaking up with me.

Also, you've outlined that you have a relationship, it's just a question of laying down the terms and conditions. But you then go on to declare that his terms and conditions are invalid because they don't appeal to you ("company and a shag"), and he needs to give in to yours or else you'll break up with him.




Pot. Kettle. Black.

Haven't said what he wants is 'invalid' or 'wrong' it's just not what I want, it's fair that if you're not getting what you want from a relationship that you leave. That isn't being hypocritical.

The reason I asked him to call me 'commanding how and when he expresses affection', as you term it. Is because I am literally on the edge of a breakdown with this house situation. I'm AS too and this huge change at short notice has kicked the s**t out of me.

Right now I need just a lot of extra support -which I'm mostly getting from friends because I know he would find that too much. (How can you therefore suggest I have no consideration for him?)

Asking him to call me -we only talk two or three times a week- isn't a big ask.

He didn't call me or even text to explain he was too busy and so I , once again, felt let down.

I called him to arrange to meet up later this week, he had already booked himself up for the small amount of time he was back in town. Despite the fact weeks ago I asked him if we could spend this time together since I see him so infrequently. Failing to do this communicates to me the message that he isn't interested in spending time with me.

Also just because YOU are AS does not make you an authority on all men with AS.

"once you've met an aspie....you've met one aspie."