Does anybody here desire for intimacy?

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Wow, so many of us feel like this! It's... kind of sad, really.

I feel like that too. Lonely, and wanting intimacy and close relationships with people, but it's so hard, and when it seems like I'm getting there, I get a reminder that nope, I was never even close. Sigh.

I hold onto the hope that I will overcome this one day, though. I don't think I could just forget about it, it's pretty important to me. In fact, I think I would just kill myself if I ever realized it was never going to happen.

I honestly am very uncomfortable with the sort of intimacy found in romantic relationships. At this point in my life, I am very happy being single and have no desire to enter into another dating relationship.

I suppose intimacy might be nice.

I dunno though because I like the thought of intimacy but then in reality I can't stand the thought of anyone being in my space.

That's why I don't think asexuality is absolute. It's a preference, not a law or a rule.

Everyone has to be addressed individually, I think it's callous & absurd to suggest that shyness amounts to not loving someone.

I think the fact that so many of us are here inquiring really means that we actually do love, a lot; and that everyone, NTs too, share our frustration about communicating that, quite understandably. It's been going on for ages so this seems normal to me so I choose to see the positives here; knowing the challenges is just one tough part of the same essential reason for being. I don't expect love to be in any way easy but I do expect to involve myself.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

However we're not all so pessimistic about our ability to talk.

It's not easy but I still find myself able to connect with people. We don't ALL believe in some invisible wall determining our entire ability to speak (or not speak). There's no logical reason to assume anyone can't do something you haven't asked them about.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Honestly would any of us be on this forum if our very ability to relate to any of it were just a myth?

I'm pretty sure this is here to help us avert miscommunication.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I never said "all". I said someone I know (one person) shares the same view as will@rd. That's two people who seem to share the same viewpoint, not everyone. Honestly, it seems will@rd's view is very stereotypically Asperger's, almost like it's coming straight out of the literature. Likewise with the behavior of my friend, it seems he behaves stereotypically Asperger. That does not mean everyone does. That also does not mean that the stereotype defines anyone. For example, if someone said I throw like a girl, that would be a stereotype, but one that happens to be correct in my case, though it is not correct for many more.

I just wish I understood will@rd's viewpoint better....because it comes down to these fundamental questions for NTs: Do you care for us or do you not care for us? If we are absent from your present, do we matter enough for you to think about us or do we not matter enough for you to think about us? If you are silent, does it mean you still care but don't know what to do or does it mean you couldn't care less? Do you want to be close with us or do you not want to be close with us? Do you hide inside yourself because you don't know how to show you care, or do you hide inside yourself because you don't care?

None of the answers to the above questions can be generalized to any and all combinations of people, be it friends or intimate partners. But these questions are there regardless. How do we learn the answers to these questions? Finally knowing these things is part of intimacy. You can't be intimate with someone when you have no idea what the answers to these questions are...that would be one-sided, and the very anti-thesis of intimacy, which is a shared understanding between two people. And here's the kicker...if you asked these questions directly, will the answer come? (say, for example, if alexithymia is also present). Or if the answer is there, is it an answer born out of fear to face the difficult emotions, or is it accurate? (aspies or NTs alike will sometimes hide their own feelings from themselves if they don't think they should feel something.)

It's not very promising, though I wish with every fiber of my being there was a solution to connecting with my aspie friend. Two years later and I honestly can say I have no idea what he thinks about me or feels for me. Not even a clue, because his words, actions, and withdrawals are always conflicting with each other in different ways at different times. He pulls closer and then pushes away. Which is real? I have no idea. Honestly, I don't think he does either. And it hurts terribly.

I think your inquery made them nervous then. He'd have to be thinking of you simply to respond in any way.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Actually, cberg, I never made the inquiry in this case...never got that far yet. lol Always just being pushed away, which is, of course, in conflict with being pulled close. grrrrrrr Even so much as trying to talk about it gets me things like "you need to think less about me and more about you..." Of course, that follows something like "I feel closer to you than any other person..." maddening. completely maddening. I'd scream at him if I didn't love him so much!

This is why I think alexithymia may be present...I think he doesn't know what he thinks, and his feelings come out sometimes, but I think logic takes over and he does the "think with his head rather feel with his heart" thing, and logic is dictating he shouldn't feel anything for me because of a lot of logical reasons. But I could be completely wrong, and I have no idea which it is.

So the OPs post is a loaded question. Who am I to say? But perhaps some desire intimacy but don't know how, maybe some desire it but are afraid of it, and some don't want to have anything to do with it.

I think everyone's ideas on this fit in their own personal context & it's good to *find* time for discussion on or around these topics.

Sorry for rambling, twas a long day of proofreading on my part.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos