My 20's were wasted

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I don't know how it is for others but I've noticed when I feel carefree, I feel happy without reason, I smile a lot and I don't know I just like the place, I like how I look, my new dress and I don't stress about meeting somebody, I don't stress about talking to somebody, do the small talk, I don't care who notices me, that's the mindset when I attract guys, that's when they come to chat me up.
I do think that's a lot to do with the unseen, your vibe, your body language, your toughts, your facial expression.
Unfortunately even if I'm in that rare mood, I always screw it up with saying something stupid.

It's a cliche but true that until you don't love yourself, nobody else will love you.

Well then I guess i'm not human by your definition.
I don't have any interest in seeking any form of companionship and am not sad about it either.

I don't know, I never felt like anything was "missing" in my life, so I really don't know how that feels.

SixthTitan wrote:

Life isn't always about dating, having sex, or getting hitched.
If you link your happiness that way then you'll never be happy in that sense.

I spent my 20s going to college, working, writing books, and preparing for retirement.
I don't regret any second of it, I don't need someone to make me happy.

My happiness is my own, and now that I am retired; I have the freedom to do whatever i want in life.
Somethings that people tend to forget is that they lose their sense of self when they are with a significant other, I've seen it countless times in real life. Why would I want to give that up? Life's just starting for me.

You also feel trapped and aren't able to do the many things you may want to do without consulting your other, suddenly everything you want to do has to be consulted and approved by someone else in a mutual agreement.

And what happens if you don't work out and start the proceedings for a divorce?
Unless you were married under a common law marriage: You have to forfeit your pay also called "Alimony" because even if you had a prenup the judge doesn't always acknowledge that. Until your would be gets remarried.

So, don't think of life that way, that you have to find someone quickly. You're just going to make yourself miserable, enjoy the other aspects of life.

Fly to the Artic, Climb a mountain, go hiking, see a movie, go sky diving.
The money you earn now is yours to do with whatever you want and you don't need to consult or ask someone else to go on vacation. Just go!

Hope this helps.

Marknis wrote:

I am almost 30 and I feel like my 20's were wasted. Instead of dating, having sex, and getting engaged like so many people I know around me did, I was deprived of those things and everything that I tried to do in order to get out of the rut ended in failure. I feel like I am damaged and malfunctioning but I can't be treated. Even if I do become confident, it will be too late because my empty past (Except for one real relationship that didn't last) will mark me as "strange" or even a serial killer in waiting.

Companionship is a very basic human need.

Just because you don't have it doesn't mean that most people don't.

It's not unnatural to feel something missing for its lack.

I feel the same way. Except I really don't care about the dating and sex part. Never graduated. Never got a job or my own place. Put in a home for chronically mentally ill people at 21. Sent from one home to another fir several years. Finally got kicked out for increasingly violent outbursts. Left alone to die in hospital a week before Christmas. Was diagnosed after the New Year.

If I had been diagnosed with Asperger's as a child or even a teenager, my life may have been different and maybe a lot better. I may be happier now, but I'm still depressed knowing I'll never get the past 20 of my life back, and i can't just go back in time and tell all those teachers and psychiatrists and staff that the way I was acting was not really my fault, There was a reason why I had such problems with coping and changes and being forced to act "normal". Not that they'd listen or believe me, anyway.

I'm on my own. There are practically no resources or therapies for adult aspies, all they give a crap about are the pwecious widdle childwen. So the pain, the nightmares, the feelings like I was nothing but a burden to my parents and everyone else, the flashbacks will continue to haunt me. FOREVER.

It's interesting how all the female replies are " you don't need a relationship I don't have one and I'm fine" and all the guys are " yep I get it"
Except maybe hurtloam and slw on here most females have gotten dates, male attention, and thus feel ok being temporarily out f a relationship. For a lot of us aspie men we've never had dates, relationships or female attention and never will. So no we won't be happy alone.

As for the one lady, some few minority of the population is happy alone avoiding all human contact. That's why there's hermits.

If this guy with no legs and no arms can get a beautiful wife then you have to stop making excuses. Oh I am an aspie, I'm hopeless etc.
If you want something, you have to work for it, you have to develop an attractive personality.
It's basically marketing. Know your market, what they want. And please don't start that women want money!
First of all you shouldn't want materialistic women even if they look like models. OH yeah, pardon me. For men model looks are more imporant... (of course everyone here or on other forums are exceptions )
I don't understand people. Seriously.
If you live in a place you are not happy, move! I know!! It's hard, very difficult but get some help. Some support. A friend who wants to change. Prepare yourself mentally, give yourself a year or so.
I always thought if you really want something you will do everything to make it happen, if not, you will have excuses.
I admit I'm obsessively seeking new impluses, I'm on the other end but I don't think there's such thing that you have no hope. Learnt helplessness yes.
1 years ago I was volunteering at an autism support service near me. Only low functioning autistic people. There were two brothers there, 25 and 27. One of them had psychosis too with self harming outbursts. Still he wanted to improve. Previously he had had outbursts every other days, serious injuries, sometimes he was chasing the staff with a knife, he was not let to go public. This year he graduated from a local college for people with learning disabilities, he even received some awards, and the brothers went on a holiday together with the supporting staff. That was a huge thing as both of them sticks to their routines!!
The point is that everyone can change!

I wouldn't but she did.