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Keeping options open?

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AngelRho
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02 Oct 2017, 6:51 am

hurtloam wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
There is nothing wrong with keeping your options open, because one person may not be right for you, or may not be interested.

The main thing is to not mess around with more than one person at the same time, though. Not only will this give people a bad impression of you, but it also can create conflicts.


Good advice. If you are seeing more than one person, but one of them thinks you are exclusive, they will get hurt.

Though I'll reckon not many of us here can get one person to go out with us, never mind several lol.

Why the hurry to become exclusive? Why does every first date have to either be the only date or lead to a relationship?



hurtloam
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02 Oct 2017, 7:35 am

AngelRho wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
There is nothing wrong with keeping your options open, because one person may not be right for you, or may not be interested.

The main thing is to not mess around with more than one person at the same time, though. Not only will this give people a bad impression of you, but it also can create conflicts.


Good advice. If you are seeing more than one person, but one of them thinks you are exclusive, they will get hurt.

Though I'll reckon not many of us here can get one person to go out with us, never mind several lol.

Why the hurry to become exclusive? Why does every first date have to either be the only date or lead to a relationship?


Oh I didn't mean the first date. You're right that would be kinda silly.



Closet Genious
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02 Oct 2017, 7:42 am

First date is a non issue.

My issue is when people start having sex with several people, that's just gross in my opinion.



AngelRho
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02 Oct 2017, 9:13 am

Closet Genious wrote:
First date is a non issue.

My issue is when people start having sex with several people, that's just gross in my opinion.

I'm with you on that. But I'm more looking for someone for whom intimacy early on is not an issue. As in not interested. I wouldn't date the kind of person who can view sex so casually, and I certainly wouldn't have sex with someone who's "just a friend." I've been FWB before, but at the same time I wasn't really seeing anyone even on a casual, friendly basis. I did have an ex-gf who knew just what strings to pull and buttons to push to distract me from the LDR I was in. The LDR was a bad situation, and having an ex who knew exactly how to get what she wanted from me didn't help.

The ex and I eventually got married. lol



that1weirdgrrrl
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02 Oct 2017, 11:15 am

AngelRho wrote:
I did have an ex-gf who knew just what strings to pull and buttons to push to distract me from the LDR I was in. The LDR was a bad situation, and having an ex who knew exactly how to get what she wanted from me didn't help.

The ex and I eventually got married. lol


Lol, It sounds like she knew how to get exactly what she wanted! I hope you two are on more even ground now!


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02 Oct 2017, 11:17 am

I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.



AngelRho
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02 Oct 2017, 11:43 am

hobojungle wrote:
I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.

I typically advise keeping options open and seeing several people in the context of ongoing friendships. To me, a date is just getting to know someone, nothing more.

One reason why I preach volume in dating is not everyone will accept a date with you when you offer. The other big reason is not every date will lead to a relationship. Beyond that, relationships are rarely permanent. Marriage is the exception rather than the rule.

What begins to happen is if you are hanging out with several people and remain uncommitted, some will accept a date with you more than others, and out of those there are ones you feel attracted to more than others. If you’ve gone a good 3 weeks or so and you haven’t dated anyone else, and same for your “friend,” you’re a couple whether you recognize that or not. Go ahead and take it to the next level.

Seeing other people shouldn’t take much energy because there’s no pressure in those kinds of relationships. Committed relationships with multiple persons is just insanity.



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02 Oct 2017, 12:13 pm

AngelRho wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.



Seeing other people shouldn’t take much energy because there’s no pressure in those kinds of relationships. Committed relationships with multiple persons is just insanity.


Results may vary. Much depends upon the individuals involved. In no way am I saying my approach is the way to go. In theory, I agree with you. In practice: human relationships are work to me. Sometimes work can be fulfilling, but it consumes energy nonetheless.



hurtloam
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02 Oct 2017, 12:16 pm

hobojungle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.



Seeing other people shouldn’t take much energy because there’s no pressure in those kinds of relationships. Committed relationships with multiple persons is just insanity.


Results may vary. Much depends upon the individuals involved. In no way am I saying my approach is the way to go. In theory, I agree with you. In practice: human relationships are work to me. Sometimes work can be fulfilling, but it consumes energy nonetheless.


I understand hobojungle. I find small talk draining. The anxiety of spending time with someone new. It's stressful.



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02 Oct 2017, 12:29 pm

hurtloam wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.



Seeing other people shouldn’t take much energy because there’s no pressure in those kinds of relationships. Committed relationships with multiple persons is just insanity.


Results may vary. Much depends upon the individuals involved. In no way am I saying my approach is the way to go. In theory, I agree with you. In practice: human relationships are work to me. Sometimes work can be fulfilling, but it consumes energy nonetheless.


I understand hobojungle. I find small talk draining. The anxiety of spending time with someone new. It's stressful.


It is indeed. And I agree that relationships are draining. It's like walking a tight rope, constantly having to maintain attraction, consistently doing well in bed, consistently making good money. And always being aware that if you fail at any of these for a period of time, she might either cheat(and not tell you) and feel justified doing so, or simply dump you.



hurtloam
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02 Oct 2017, 12:31 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.



Seeing other people shouldn’t take much energy because there’s no pressure in those kinds of relationships. Committed relationships with multiple persons is just insanity.


Results may vary. Much depends upon the individuals involved. In no way am I saying my approach is the way to go. In theory, I agree with you. In practice: human relationships are work to me. Sometimes work can be fulfilling, but it consumes energy nonetheless.


I understand hobojungle. I find small talk draining. The anxiety of spending time with someone new. It's stressful.


It is indeed. And I agree that relationships are draining. It's like walking a tight rope, constantly having to maintain attraction, consistently doing well in bed, consistently making good money. And always being aware that if you fail at any of these for a period of time, she might either cheat(and not tell you) and feel justified doing so, or simply dump you.


Yes I think it's even harder after a bad experience. A lot of wondering if you'll misstep again and get dropped for one silky thing. It's stressful.

I guess the right person won't be so exacting.



that1weirdgrrrl
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02 Oct 2017, 1:12 pm

hurtloam wrote:

I guess the right person won't be so exacting.


^^ this. In fact, if i would be dumped for one silly misstep, i think it's better if that happens sooner than later. I don't want to be with somebody so exacting .


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hobojungle
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02 Oct 2017, 1:33 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.



Seeing other people shouldn’t take much energy because there’s no pressure in those kinds of relationships. Committed relationships with multiple persons is just insanity.


Results may vary. Much depends upon the individuals involved. In no way am I saying my approach is the way to go. In theory, I agree with you. In practice: human relationships are work to me. Sometimes work can be fulfilling, but it consumes energy nonetheless.


I understand hobojungle. I find small talk draining. The anxiety of spending time with someone new. It's stressful.


It is indeed. And I agree that relationships are draining. It's like walking a tight rope, constantly having to maintain attraction, consistently doing well in bed, consistently making good money. And always being aware that if you fail at any of these for a period of time, she might either cheat(and not tell you) and feel justified doing so, or simply dump you.


It's a gamble.



AngelRho
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02 Oct 2017, 4:26 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.



Seeing other people shouldn’t take much energy because there’s no pressure in those kinds of relationships. Committed relationships with multiple persons is just insanity.


Results may vary. Much depends upon the individuals involved. In no way am I saying my approach is the way to go. In theory, I agree with you. In practice: human relationships are work to me. Sometimes work can be fulfilling, but it consumes energy nonetheless.


I understand hobojungle. I find small talk draining. The anxiety of spending time with someone new. It's stressful.


It is indeed. And I agree that relationships are draining. It's like walking a tight rope, constantly having to maintain attraction, consistently doing well in bed, consistently making good money. And always being aware that if you fail at any of these for a period of time, she might either cheat(and not tell you) and feel justified doing so, or simply dump you.


Yes I think it's even harder after a bad experience. A lot of wondering if you'll misstep again and get dropped for one silky thing. It's stressful.

I guess the right person won't be so exacting.

On the other hand, if a woman drops one silky thing, chances are high the guy will stay around. ;-)



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02 Oct 2017, 4:30 pm

AngelRho wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Closet Genious wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
hobojungle wrote:
I feel like I am only capable of one relationship at a time from the perspective of my very low energy. Relationships are work.



Seeing other people shouldn’t take much energy because there’s no pressure in those kinds of relationships. Committed relationships with multiple persons is just insanity.


Results may vary. Much depends upon the individuals involved. In no way am I saying my approach is the way to go. In theory, I agree with you. In practice: human relationships are work to me. Sometimes work can be fulfilling, but it consumes energy nonetheless.


I understand hobojungle. I find small talk draining. The anxiety of spending time with someone new. It's stressful.


It is indeed. And I agree that relationships are draining. It's like walking a tight rope, constantly having to maintain attraction, consistently doing well in bed, consistently making good money. And always being aware that if you fail at any of these for a period of time, she might either cheat(and not tell you) and feel justified doing so, or simply dump you.


Yes I think it's even harder after a bad experience. A lot of wondering if you'll misstep again and get dropped for one silky thing. It's stressful.

I guess the right person won't be so exacting.

On the other hand, if a woman drops one silky thing, chances are high the guy will stay around. ;-)


I lol'd



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02 Oct 2017, 4:53 pm

Lol i missed that typo.