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Marriage isn't believable for me.

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RetroGamer87
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01 Oct 2017, 7:08 am

I won't knock it 'till I've tried it.


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magz
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01 Oct 2017, 7:28 am

There are women who I believe to be capable of being good single mothers. Maybe you are one of them, why not? I'm not.
And I like my marriage. But it was all about finding the right man for a freak that I am. And he believes he found the right woman for the freak he is :D So we founded a little nerdy freak family and share our struggles and happiness.

I saw the emotional toil of single motherhood that my aunt carries and... no, thank you. At least for me. It was no better than a mediocre marriage in her case.
But surely, never marry to someone you're not sure about just because of the pressure not to be single. That's one of the most stupid things one can do.


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MartynRich
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01 Oct 2017, 7:55 am

I think you’re all missing the point. I think the op is talking about single motherhood as a consequence of not wanting to marry. The bit about marriage is more important than the bit about kids.



magz
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01 Oct 2017, 9:01 am

MartynRich wrote:
I think you’re all missing the point. I think the op is talking about single motherhood as a consequence of not wanting to marry. The bit about marriage is more important than the bit about kids.

Wel, if I didn't marry, then I would like to have no kids. <- That's the third option.


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MartynRich
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01 Oct 2017, 10:43 am

Endless possibilities



rdos
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01 Oct 2017, 10:56 am

Good relationships are not work or energy drains. So, if a relationship is work, then you are incompatible.



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01 Oct 2017, 1:58 pm

rdos wrote:
Good relationships are not work or energy drains. So, if a relationship is work, then you are incompatible.


I have to disagree; even good relationships (romantical/sexual or not) can drain energy. From my experience I'd say not as fast and easyli as bad ones, but they do. I don't know about you of course, but no matter how much I like someone and care about them, having to be by their side 24/7 would be very draining. Not as much as the company of someone I can't get along with, but there'd still be a point where I'd have this huge urge to just be alone simply because I'm tired.



magz
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01 Oct 2017, 2:13 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
rdos wrote:
Good relationships are not work or energy drains. So, if a relationship is work, then you are incompatible.


I have to disagree; even good relationships (romantical/sexual or not) can drain energy. From my experience I'd say not as fast and easyli as bad ones, but they do. I don't know about you of course, but no matter how much I like someone and care about them, having to be by their side 24/7 would be very draining. Not as much as the company of someone I can't get along with, but there'd still be a point where I'd have this huge urge to just be alone simply because I'm tired.

The point is, if you need your time alone, in a good relationship you can arrange to have it.


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rdos
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01 Oct 2017, 2:44 pm

magz wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
rdos wrote:
Good relationships are not work or energy drains. So, if a relationship is work, then you are incompatible.


I have to disagree; even good relationships (romantical/sexual or not) can drain energy. From my experience I'd say not as fast and easyli as bad ones, but they do. I don't know about you of course, but no matter how much I like someone and care about them, having to be by their side 24/7 would be very draining. Not as much as the company of someone I can't get along with, but there'd still be a point where I'd have this huge urge to just be alone simply because I'm tired.

The point is, if you need your time alone, in a good relationship you can arrange to have it.


Exactly. When NDs are in good relationships, they have their time alone. Just because you are in a relationship and are living together, doesn't mean you need to socialize 24/7.



hurtloam
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01 Oct 2017, 2:54 pm

rdos wrote:
magz wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
rdos wrote:
Good relationships are not work or energy drains. So, if a relationship is work, then you are incompatible.


I have to disagree; even good relationships (romantical/sexual or not) can drain energy. From my experience I'd say not as fast and easyli as bad ones, but they do. I don't know about you of course, but no matter how much I like someone and care about them, having to be by their side 24/7 would be very draining. Not as much as the company of someone I can't get along with, but there'd still be a point where I'd have this huge urge to just be alone simply because I'm tired.

The point is, if you need your time alone, in a good relationship you can arrange to have it.


Exactly. When NDs are in good relationships, they have their time alone. Just because you are in a relationship and are living together, doesn't mean you need to socialize 24/7.


Yeah. This is true. I've got a friend who needs alone time and her husband is the same. She says one of the reasons they get along so well is that they can enjoy evenings together in the same house doing their own things. No talking just sitting reading or pottering about.



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01 Oct 2017, 4:58 pm

I wonder if the OP is ever going to come back to this topic...


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Fireblossom
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02 Oct 2017, 3:32 am

rdos wrote:
magz wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
rdos wrote:
Good relationships are not work or energy drains. So, if a relationship is work, then you are incompatible.


I have to disagree; even good relationships (romantical/sexual or not) can drain energy. From my experience I'd say not as fast and easyli as bad ones, but they do. I don't know about you of course, but no matter how much I like someone and care about them, having to be by their side 24/7 would be very draining. Not as much as the company of someone I can't get along with, but there'd still be a point where I'd have this huge urge to just be alone simply because I'm tired.

The point is, if you need your time alone, in a good relationship you can arrange to have it.


Exactly. When NDs are in good relationships, they have their time alone. Just because you are in a relationship and are living together, doesn't mean you need to socialize 24/7.


I see. I'm sorry, it seems I misunderstood.



314pe
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02 Oct 2017, 1:46 pm

magz wrote:
And I like my marriage. But it was all about finding the right man for a freak that I am. And he believes he found the right woman for the freak he is :D So we founded a little nerdy freak family and share our struggles and happiness.

Yes, thank you. It's a popular opinion on WP.net that you have to "fix" yourself before getting into a relationship, but I think that for a truly strong relationship we aspies need someone just as broken as we are.



hurtloam
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02 Oct 2017, 1:54 pm

314pe wrote:
magz wrote:
And I like my marriage. But it was all about finding the right man for a freak that I am. And he believes he found the right woman for the freak he is :D So we founded a little nerdy freak family and share our struggles and happiness.

Yes, thank you. It's a popular opinion on WP.net that you have to "fix" yourself before getting into a relationship, but I think that for a truly strong relationship we aspies need someone just as broken as we are.


They are extremely difficult to find though. Some of us won't find a match for that reason



RetroGamer87
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02 Oct 2017, 4:06 pm

314pe wrote:
It's a popular opinion on WP.net that you have to "fix" yourself before getting into a relationship, but I think that for a truly strong relationship we aspies need someone just as broken as we are.

Bad idea! I've been there! I've dated a broken girl. Her personality was lovely but her depression and my depression compounded each other.

She really needed a completely stable guy who could give her full emotional support. I was unable to provide that since I needed some emotional support myself and I really didn't understand what kind of support she needed.


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magz
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02 Oct 2017, 4:14 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
314pe wrote:
It's a popular opinion on WP.net that you have to "fix" yourself before getting into a relationship, but I think that for a truly strong relationship we aspies need someone just as broken as we are.

Bad idea! I've been there! I've dated a broken girl. Her personality was lovely but her depression and my depression compounded each other.

She really needed a completely stable guy who could give her full emotional support. I was unable to provide that since I needed some emotional support myself and I really didn't understand what kind of support she needed.

Well, we went throught this last year, we both developed depression and other mental health problems which amplified between us.
I found a really good therapist who helped.
I had a boyfriend with problems before and it wasn't really healthy with him, so I don't say it always works.
But depression can be treated, while being a freak - not exactly.


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