Long friendship with Aspie . . . I give up

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Missing the point...
Million bucks. What of it?
And isn't that exactly what AnnGables just said would result?

I am not missing the point. You are obviously incapable of empathizing with people on the spectrum and incapable of understanding our emotions and how our minds work no matter how much it is explained to you. Instead you choose to tell us how flawed and unemotional we are. Your input is not wanted here.

I have a question about what you said. It sounds like you do care deeply. But how did your sister know that you would sacrifice your life for her? How would she be able to know anything about how you felt about her? And I am not talking about subtleties like facial expressions or such, I'm asking if you said, ever, anything along the lines of "I love you and I'd do anything for you, please come to me if you need anything at all because I'd be there for you no matter what." I do not understand your last sentence....referring to not needing to say something that has no meaning. I think that is the whole point that is missed by a mile....allowing people a way to know those things is NOT meaningless. I do not understand how or why you think that your deep feelings for your sister don't matter, or that telling her about them doesn't matter to her. Obviously it did. If my friend ever cared about me, or if AnnGables friend ever cared about her, bottom line is that if it is not expressed, what is the difference if the feeling exists or not? Just because you feel it inside does not mean the other person can see it. It has to be let out. It just has to be. If it is not, the other person believes they mean nothing to you, and eventually they WILL walk away, as your sister did, as AnnGables might be about to do, as I keep trying to do but can't let go.....there's a lot of turmoil there all due to not communicating feelings, and perhaps even worse here, not thinking that feelings matter. Feelings matter. People matter. Making sure people know that they mean something to you matters. It matters a lot. Actually, it matters more than anything I can think of. That is why NTs and Aspies don't see eye to eye.

There is nothing cruel or bullying here. It's just hurt and pain over loving someone and being shoved away, only to be told that the feelings are there but they are some big secret that is unimportant. That is the mean and cruel part: not expressing feelings that really (might?) be there. It is not mean or cruel to express deep hurt over being on the other side of that. Because it does seem cold and heartless. SEEMS, not IS. This is a fact. This is how an NT sees it. If that is offensive to anyone, it's just honesty. This is how it feels on the other side of you. Does it not matter at all if someone is so hurt because they do not believe you have feelings that are claimed to be there? True: you can have real feelings that are never expressed. But having them means what, if they are not expressed? To the other person, I assure you, it is no different than if those feelings are not there at all. And if that is what it seems like on their end, they will always eventually walk away. And while in this nebulous place where they exist before they have the courage to do so, they are in extreme pain. And if that doesn't mean enough to do something about it, then yea, that's cold and heartless.

Last edited by imhere on 19 Nov 2017, 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You inability to empathize with us is so ironic here. Please stop coming to this forum to tell us all how robotic and wrong we all are for being autistic. You obviously can't understand that we have feelings (often powerful feelings) just because we express them differently, so stop trying. All you are doing is coming here and saying hurtful untrue things about autism because you can't understand. Just stop it, you are not helping anyone here including yourself. And maybe get some therapy to deal with your inability to empathize with people who are different from yourself, or your need for drama, or whatever reason you have fastened on to this poor autistic person in your life you can't understand that you say all these horrible things about. We aren't going to change, and neither is the autistic person you know, so just f*****g stop this. STOP.

Ignore kara...she is doing that self-righteous trolling crap. Don’t leave the forum.

AnnGables just said one word: Meurgh.


And then the apocalypse went in motion.

I know right! I came here to talk to the OP to see what the problem was, then it instantly became a warzone!

One thing I don't understand: this is supposed to be a friendship, right?

So what are these posts doing in the Love & Dating section?

I think you forgot the "IMHO"

Nothing much to contribute other than to say that I, for one, haven't had any problem with what I've read in the thread so far. I am interested to hear about how I might appear "from the other side", because I have inadvertently pushed people away many times without ever knowing how, and without the opportunity to discuss those events frankly with the people concerned. I don't feel that anyone has made a general accusation that autists are "robots", or are trying to bully autistic people; they're simply expressing the difficulties that a reluctance to discuss emotions can have on an NT/ASD relationship (or any relationship for that matter) - something which I know can happen from my own experience.

Look, For months I have been trying to understand. But every time the hard questions are asked, people just lash out and refuse to answer the questions. And it is not about expressing feelings differently, my questions were about expressing them at all. Someone says their deep feelings for their sister are unimportant, and I am curious why. Someone says they do have feelings, I am curious what that means to them and why they don't acknowledge that knowing that would be important to the person they have feelings for. But that circles back to the question about why the feelings are seen as unimportant in the first place. These are just questions. In no way is that an attack. In no way is it not emphasizing with you. It is asking questions. If I didn't care or emphasize, I would not care to ask. Most people don't. That's why it is so hard for aspies in the first place. Most people wouldn't even bother to ask--because if it appears you don't care about them, then they will not care about you and walk away. Do you know that most people don't even know what Asperger's is? That most people in this world have never even heard the word? So if people ignore you, it is likely because of the lack of feedback of feelings you give them, which is what most people interpret as not caring. And if someone perceives that you don't care about them, they are unlikely to care about you. But sometimes we mess up and we end up caring anyway. But if you do know what Aspergr's is, and you do know someone has it, and you care about them...you try so hard to understand so you can be a part of their lives, and so much of it hurts. So when someone actually wants to understand, and you lash out at them, what are you even doing?

Walk away.

This friendship causes you so much emotional pain. You give so much and it sounds like you get a little back, but it doesn't make up for all the output you give.

It'll hurt for a while, but you'll find a peace in time and you won't have this constant worry and pain anymore.

He'll be ok. Now you have to look after you.

QFT

I'm not basing what I said on this thread, this poster has made many previous negative and ignorant comments about autistic people in other threads.

Imhere made a good point.

How is someone meant to know you care if you don't tell them? If you don't bother to talk to them?

I am not trolling, I am just tired of reading negative crap about autistic people from this person. We don't need ignorant NTs coming here telling us how wrong we all are for being different from NTs and how we don't have any feelings like normal humans and how "hurtful and cruel" that is to NTs.