Will I have to become what I hate?

Post Reply New Topic

:D WP is quite encouraging to stay single.

Most relationships are fake. People faking to get what they want be it money/status or sex.

So I’d gladly be in a fake relationship.

I have a hard time not focusing on it because I see couples wherever I go and it makes me hate myself because I can't do the same. I've also read and heard stories from other guys who mentioned meeting girls at certain places after being unlucky with mainstream places but even if I go to places like coffee houses, arcades, anime or comic conventions, and music clubs, girls still avoid me. I hope I'll have a story that has a happy ending after struggling for so long but as the years go on, I feel like my life is going to get a Lovecraftian end where I either go completely insane or die in a terrible event.

I was thinking the same thing. As if life isn’t hard enough already without all that extra drama.

First of all, a question: *why* do you want a relationship? What is your personal reason for this?

The ones in WP who encourage me to stay singles are the married men - they often seem to be living a lie or compromising their dignity.

It happens. For some couples it's even obvious for almost strangers in real life. A few emotionally abusive women constantly put their husband down in public and the husband puts up with it.

"Few"? Honestly, are you sure it's just few? You just mentioned a very common thing that scares me of marriage.

"Few"? Honestly, are you sure it's just few? You just mentioned a very common thing that scares me of marriage.

Compromised dignity? Well, that just depends on what “dignity” is and how much it really means to you. I don’t feel I lost my dignity, but that’s more likely to not having it in the first place. But if I DID, then it really doesn’t matter at this point. There are other things actually worth caring about, and some esoteric notion of “dignity” just ain’t it.

Abusive women... that I cannot tolerate. Just NO. I put up with a horrible gf for a number of years before I have her the old heave-ho. Perpetual singlehood is preferable to the mess of ridicule and public smearing by someone who is supposed to love you. If that’s what you mean by compromised dignity, then no, don’t tolerate that. It shouldn’t even happen the FIRST time. Get out of that relationship QUICKLY.

I agree with you on the 2nd paragraph; luckily I haven’t experienced that kind of relationship, it would be an automatic breakup on spot for me.

First of all, a question: *why* do you want a relationship? What is your personal reason for this? I think analyzing this is important. Just something to think about.

Secondly, and I've said this once before in one of your other topics, is, well.... you know what, I'll pull a specific bit out of that quote there to help explain this:



This bit here. Your attitude. If you ever want to get anywhere, this has to change. I promise you this: Other people can see this in you. You perhaps (and probably many of us) cannot see it in others, but a great many of THEM can see it in YOU. To most people, that "woe is me" attitude is not seen as a good thing, and is often thusly avoided.

But also, the more you believe you will fail, the more you WILL fail. Alot of things work that way, and this is no exception.

Now, as for the bit about the various places you're going to, in order to meet girls.... keep in mind, these places you mention are typically not ABOUT meeting people for relationships. Conventions, for instance. Nobody goes to those specifically to look for romance. They just dont. They might go there with the hope of meeting new friends (while others are already there WITH their friends and arent that interested in meeting more), but they dont go there looking for romance... and are actually dramatically more likely to AVOID those that seem to be looking for that. Which is something you can actually hear, if you listen to people tell their tales of various things they've experienced at cons. Girls in particular will OFTEN talk about how some guy was hitting on them despite that they werent exactly at a con for that reason. It can happen to guys, too (have had it occur, yes it was bloody annoying).

It's the same with any other type of place: For the most part, the places in question are not ABOUT finding romance. A coffee house, for instance. Many people go to those, indeed, to get coffee... not to find someone. Again, meeting new friends *may* be part of the equation every now and then, but even that isnt something that you can just EXPECT to happen. It doesnt work that way, and it never will.

Dont go and try to interact with people with the extremely specific goal of romance. Interact with them... to interact with them. To meet them and see what they're like. If a friendship occurs? Hey, great. And if it goes further? Hey, even better. And if those dont happen? Oh well... there's plenty of other people to meet.

Honestly, even I have made numerous friends at cons... but I *never*, and I seriously do mean never, go seeking it out. Such a thought would never even occur to me. So when it happens, it just happens, and is always unexpected. And for most people, that's how it is for romance as well. They meet, by random chance (sometimes in really unexpected places), just happen to hit it off, and things go from there.


Seriously, I know someone IRL that has been going at this with the approach you're using, and he's been doing it for a REALLY long time. And... yeah. Let's just say it hasnt worked so well. As in, it hasnt worked whatsoever.

In short: Tone things down a little. Dont focus your entire existence on finding romance... that honestly wont actually accomplish anything, and may actually REDUCE your chances (because people may find it seriously annoying, and believe me, it often IS obvious to them even if you think you're hiding it well). In fact, most of the time, just try not to even think about it. Just interact with people. Whatever happens from there, happens. But it'll happen BECAUSE you're being genuine, in that case. Just being you, without the obsession over finding someone.

You cant let yourself get discouraged, or again, your chances will go to the same place your mood does: Straight down the drain. Just dont let it happen.

"Few"? Honestly, are you sure it's just few? You just mentioned a very common thing that scares me of marriage.