Charming single guy after 30 = likely sociopath.

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They have to be told----because the media perpetuates the macho myth.

The myth that women like to be manhandled physically, and like to be emotionally dominated by men.

Yeah... I'm thinking the same...

This feels unfair to the people in the real world... like a "nice guy" entitlement argument... most people I've encountered irl that strike me as sociopathic are usually in relationships and always have been. The few people I've met that had little or no experience generally came off as unlucky at worst or uninterested. Conversations with NTs tend to follow that vein.

Not saying they don't think it is weird... but I don't think equating that to sociopathy is unfair to them and us.

All a part of Bible Belt brainwashing. Unfortunately, it's made quite a lot of women here think they should put up with it.

the thing about 'em is that, unlike the rest of us, they are capable of any kind of violence if it suits their needs, they don't have the same kinds of limits [ethical governors] the rest of us have. the ones I knew in the army definitely were capable of the big one.

That is certainly true. Really for sociopaths the only deterrents are the possibility of retaliation/revenge or prison/death sentence depending on where they live. In their minds no one else deserves to live they just haven't yet provided sufficient motivation to be killed and there may be a latent potential to be exploited for gain.

and the common statistic that they represent one out of every 20 people is a gross inaccuracy- depending on where you're at [military, business, gov't] it can be one out of every 4, with the other 2 having strong traits, that has been my experience in any case.

George Sodini was not a sociopath. Sociopaths are charasmatic and likable and not particularly likely to be virgins. Most are probably married or have been at some point, but the thing about people with cluster B personality disorders in general is their relationships are more likely to be unstable.
There is a particular type of sociopath who is not a murderer but who is a scam artist who preys on women (of course there are also female ones who prey on men) and if a good looking, charasmatic person is single in their 30s, like it or not, that is a red flag for anti social traits and a person is not wrong to approach with caution.

The OP of the thread which I suspect inspired this thread discovered the man in question was a recovering alcoholic. That is not something unconcerning in a relationship.

Let us also not pretend, as harmless as we are, that having an ASD is something that should be unconcerning in a relationship.

Look at all the women who marry men who have (or who they think have) an ASD who are beside themselves because they feel their partner does not meet their emotional needs or that their partner has become a burdensom adult child.

When asked "then why did you marry them?" They will inevitable list his positive traits as if they gave the negative ones no consideration at the time, or say "he wasn't like this until after the marriage" because he was masking.

Like it or not, the proportion of single people with traits or issues that would be concerning in a relationship are higher for the over the median age of marriage single demographic than the under the median age of marriage single demographic because the people who are most desirable and suitable for marriage and long term relationships get snatched up and kept and the ones who aren't (at least at the time) remain single, at least until a later date, or get thrown back in to the ocean.

Do you believe it's a destiny thing? Inherently bad person = destined to be single? Some of your statements appear to suggest you have ASD but others you made suggest attitudes common to NTs especially those without any mental illness or at least none that have been acknowledged. Namely that those with "severe"(as in easily identifiable) mental illnesses will remain lifelong singles and that's the natural order of the world so basically Social Darwinism. I would have to wonder if either you do not actually have ASD or haven't accepted that you have ASD. Not to accuse but I would like to understand where you're coming from and how you formed your beliefs. People often suggest "something wrong" or "something off," all I really care about is understanding what that "something" is and how I can try to fix it.

The idea for me is identifying the negative traits but more importantly how to work on them. I'm trying to be different by being open to change and being open to working on issues. I can see why some feel negatively about "our" people cause there's many who absolutely won't change and won't even acknowledge that they have any issues. But I think it would be eye opening for those saying change isn't possible to learn about various celebrities who came from disadvantaged backgrounds including mental health, abuse, poverty, etc but turned it around to become famous, incredibly talented, wealthy millionaires or even billionaires.

I had body issues but now have worked on it sufficiently so as to feel good about my physical body except for the aspects of style/fashion which I haven't put towards specific utility, it was always a "Later" thing as getting in shape is a long process though now I feel more ready that it is time to think about it. I have just begun to feel interested in the idea of dating(we can't feel this way when in deep depression)


I have known some alcoholics both recovering and not and it is almost always due to unpleasant feelings or memories they're trying to avoid/repress and their reaction when faced with a triggering situation will say a lot about them. Basically are they capable of handling that situation in a mature way or if they'll suddenly lash out at you which is what they'll do if they're really a drinker in secret who pretends to be "recovering".

The reality of recovering from an addiction is you need to undergo changes in attitude in order to retake control of your life. Recovering isn't possible if you keep the same mindsets and beliefs you had as a full blown alcoholic as the issue is due to an underlying issue which they try to cope with through drinking. There has to be a shift towards a balanced mindset whereby they will choose healthier ways to manage their emotions, basically gotta find ways to help control your emotions so they aren't in control of you.

It simply isn't possible in my mind to convincingly keep up a facade of being "recovering" when in reality are unrepentant and still in denial. I would not automatically reject a girl who is a recovering alcoholic but I will certainly have some questions that I am interested to see their responses. I would do so after observing numerous indicators of probable relapse or indicators that they aren't being honest/authentic. Basically stuff like if they're putting on a front all the time, hiding things, denial, bad attitude that clearly isn't going to change, not managing their emotions.


I feel this isn't a universal thing but rather more individual matters. I don't feel it is fair to say all ASD are man childs who will always ignore their partner's emotional needs all the time.

Is an ASD man still bad if they had these issues in the past but have put a lot of work into changing themselves for the better? Is it a shame that can't be purged? Are they never datable ever under any circumstances?


I would say the fault lies with the women for not vetting the men beforehand. It is your responsibility alone to make sure you are happy, except for cases of undue deceit(Note that ASD people are bad at lying). Too many people who get married without even really knowing each other then divorce later.

For myself I will take time to be sure I know her well and she knows me well, like that we'd actually have reason to think a marriage is going to work. I don't want to plan for eventual divorce, rather I want to plan for no divorce as in marrying someone to spend my life with.

Like I should know the girl for at least a couple years first, no marriage after 1 year or less or worse like a rushed wedding after several months. I see no reason to get married after only a couple months as that's not nearly enough time to really get to know her.

I don't know what you define as a "bad person" or "inherently bad" but by any definition I envision, I don't believe bad people are destine to be single. Rather I see it as a matter of probabilities. People with anti social or asocial traits are more likely to be single or have difficulty maintaining a relationship.



I was diagnosed with autism in the early 80s, Asperger's Syndrome in the mid 90s, and autism spectrum disorder shortly before the release of the DSM V.

I feel that the DSM IV criteria for Asperger's Syndrome most closely described and I used that criteria as a platform from which to launch my efforts to improve socially. I spent my late teens and much of my 20s and early 30s attempting to improve my social skills and social intelligence through various means and I am at the point where I can navigate most daily social interactions in an NT fashion, however I still struggle with more complex social relationships and situation. Additionally, I'm female and females on the spectrum have been noted for our "masking" ability, though I wasn't able to do this until fairly late in life compared to other females on the spectrum.

I fully accept that I have an ASD.




Most people have the capacity to learn and grow to some degree. For some reason, NTs seem to think people on the spectrum are incapable of this and often respond with doubt when they learn I have an ASD because I make eye contact, I can hold a basic conversation and adhere to certain rules of social etiquette, and often times, in their head, they think of those on the spectrum as socially awkward little boys, and I'm not a little boy.

I've been on this planet for 40 years. I don't lack the self insight and perceptiveness not to have figured a few things out by now. In fact I don't think people on the spectrum, even the non verbal ones, lack the level of self insight and self awareness that many NTs think they do but change can be very difficult, including the change of acting differently and interacting with the world differently, and I think this aversion to change is a big obstacle for many on the spectrum.

The first social skill I worked on was eye contact. I began to realize how absolutely important that appropriate eye contact was in American culture. If life were a video game, it would be a very high valued object that could be very easy to obtain so I practiced by making eye contact with photos.

I think I'm able to understand the human species fairly well these days, and the subject of evolutionary psychology, but I still have my short comings and struggles.



Many people on the spectrum are married and I imagine a number of them have healthy relationships. Most of the complaints of spouses on the spectrum come from women who's believe their husbands are on the spectrum, and some likely are. This illustrates a few things. 1. Men on the spectrum do get women who like them enough to marry them. 2. Being on the spectrum can be a source of difficulty in relationships. 3. Either women on the spectrum don't get married nearly as much, or their husbands don't care that they are on the spectrum, or men aren't as likely to take to the internet to complain about their spouses. Given the fact that support forums for spouses of people with borderline personality disorder are filled with men who's wives have BPD, I think women on the spectrum are just less likely to get married or having a female spouse on the spectrum is just less problematic for men. There is a third option.....the husbands of women on the spectrum, when they are unhappy with their wives, just leave and don't feel the need to seek support or counseling for it....women with BPD (and who are not on the spectrum) apparently can be very addicting and I think women on the spectrum (and who don't have BPD) are decidedly not. Maybe someday we will have more statistics about the romantic lives of women on the spectrum and if they have partners, how those partners feel about them.



I agree in instances where the women married men they thought they could "fix" and are frustrated that they can't change him.

The huge amount domestic violence incidents (by official statistics) perpetuated by husbands and boyfriends prove your reasoning there to be totally useless and false.

And you stated your prejudice against the guy before even knowing that he was a recovering alcoholic - the OP of the other thread revealed that much later.

Please clarify.



Yes I did. I don't see how you think this doesn't prove my point.

By 'sociopath' i meant anyone who may have violent traits, it may be the wrong word for it...but anyway:

The world is filled with boyfriends and married men with dangerous and violent traits: Violent, alcoholics, abusers....you name it and you know it; they're not a majority of course but they aren't so uncommon.

So your whole logic that a single guy who's single and above 30 is more likely to be dangerous is totally unfair, because, as you can see in official statistics, a lot of husbands/bfs are likely to be dangerous persons.

Yes, a single guy above 30 is more likely to have shortcomings in certain areas, such as income and social skills and even looks, I am not denying this, but he's not more likely to be a crazy or a dangerous person.




It proves that you had a prejudice.

I suppose it depends on how you define the word and how the concept is applied.

The Merriam Webster Dictionary (the standard dictionary for American English) defines the word as such...



If you had claimed definition 1, or 2a(2) or 2c, I would disagree. If you claimed 2a(1) and 2b with respect to 2a(1), then yes I would agree. In my case, I'm not walking around thinking all "Mr. Perfects" over 30 and who are single have something "wrong" with them. I am just cognisant of the fact that traits not conducive to forming or maintaining romantic relationships typically leave people single when those without such traits are not, so it's not unreasonable to question why an eligible seeming person is single at a point in their life when it seems they wouldn't be.

It's 2 a (1) : preconceived judgment


and too:

opinion (2) : an adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge.


Because your opinion is not formed on just grounds (lacking justice, fairness), not at all, because as I explained, marriageable men are as likely to be dangerous too.

If you mean traits such as poor social skills or poverty or lack of looks, then yeah I would agree.

But if you mean the dangerous traits I stated before (ie. violent, dangerous, abuser, alcoholic...etc), then I don't agree, because a lot of husbands/bfs do domestic violence and have such traits - and i have proved this with official numbers, not just with an idea out of my ass. Therefore thinking a single man is more likely to have those traits is not a fact - it it is prejudice based on unjust ideas. That's the whole point of this thread.

I disagree and believe my opinions were formed on just grounds, which I have already articulated.

I did not say that there are no men among married men with anti social or asocial traits and I am not speaking of merely dangerous traits but any trait that inhibits one's ability to form or maintain romantic relationships.

You will see if you read back that I did not say men with anti social or a social traits never married. I said they are more likely to be single after the average age of marriage than men without such traits, either as a result of never marrying or as a result of the marriage being unsuccessful.



I am speaking of the entire range of antisocial and asocial traits. However I would agree that of the antisocial traits among married men, domestic abuse may be the most prevalent and this may be for social and cultural factors that work to normalize such things (at least in some societies, though not so much western ones) and the fact that leaving a violent spouse is often the point in the relationship that the spouse who is being victimized is most likely to be killed, and the resources available to the victimized spouse are often not sufficient to properly protect them. In other words, women who are married to men who hit them are more likely to be trapped in the relationship, or at least feel trapped in it. The same goes for male domestic violence victims of course.