What is 'success' to you?

Post Reply New Topic

For me currently success would mean to be able to keep a dog. I would have to be independent enough, have enough space, money and perspective for future 10-15 years that I would be sure that I could keep it.

I'm far from it unfortunately.

To feel safe and content. It's all I want.

I guess there are varying degrees of success. Someone who can get dates may not be successful in turning those dates into something more, but they're more successful than someone who can't get dates at all.

I'd measure success by how well someone's sexual/romantic desires match up to their reality, or how small the discrepancy is between what they want sexually/romantically, and what they have or can get sexually/romantically. Likewise, the larger the discrepancy, the less successful I'd say someone is.

I think that's the only way you can really measure it, as there are people who only want to have casual sex and aren't too concerned about long-term relationships, whereas there are also people who aren't interested in casual sex but really want long-term relationships, and there are many in between.

I think this topic is about specifically romantic success, not general success.

Yeah I think some people have just answered the title rather than the whole post.

It's about romantic (love & dating) success and what people mean when they use the term 'success' to describe other people. E.g. if you say "why is that guy more successful than me?", what does that mean? What does 'success' mean in that context?

I think success means finding what you're looking for. If you only ever end up going on one date in your entire life, but that one date leads you to getting the kind of relationship you desire (be it casual, serious, marriage, whatever), that's success. Dating apps are supposed to help people get dates, and if nobody is contacting you or responding to your messages, obviously that's not success.

From my pure MALE perspective (because what I am gonna say is not very applicable to females), dating success is the ability for the male, while single, to constantly have.... SEVERAL dating prospects who want him and chasing him... and not only one- why? Because it’s only then the male can afford to REJECT and CHOOSE who to be his partner and not only going for the only option available.


I am sure that many males, like a lot, maybe more than half of them - go for a girl just because she is the only available option at the time (aka the only one who said ‘yes’ out of the hundreds of girls he asked out) and not because she is the best option *for him* - this is a no dating success

I don’t even know what it theoretically looks like to ask someone out and not be rejected. I know it must happen sometimes, but always out of my sight. My experience only contains examples in which either the girl or woman is too scared to give the boy or man the painful and embarrassing rejection he so very much seems to deserve, and thus must count as harassment, or she isn’t scared and her response makes it crystal clear not only how obvious it should have been to him he had no chance to impress her, but that he should have known, in fact, that he’s too pathetic and worthless to approach anyone of the opposite sex at all, and would be well advised to stop doing so if he knows what’s good for him.

I know women aren’t goddesses, but from my perspective they might as well be.

I will be dull and old-fashioned-Disney-like: true love.
But I don't mean a kiss from a prince and living happily ever after. I mean facing day-to-day struggle and still valuing and caring for each other.

You seem to imply day-to-day struggle tends to make you stop valuing or caring for your partner. Shouldn’t it be the other way round, i.e., the joy of being with them again is precisely what makes the struggle worthwhile?

Yes and no... This year will be the 10th aniversary of our marriage, 14th of the relationship and we've learned that both options happen. A simple and very real example – stress and overwork. You just don't have power to interact, enjoy your companion or show any care. It erodes the relationship. You need to face it, work on it, overcome it.
The point is, I think, enjoy the good and keep going through the bad.

I respectfully disagree. Pursuing several women to find one you can have a LTR with need not mean that a man has to settle. If that’s true, then everyone ultimately settles for less than he can have and much less than he deserves.

I didn’t settle. Nor did I ever have several gf’s. Especially not several chasing after me. I’m just fortunate that I got it right pretty close to the first try.

But, again, this isn’t a thread that begins with a clear definition of what success even is.

Typically self-absorbed answer. I consider someone successful in L&D if they have what I want. A long term relationship with someone that loves, appreciates, and accepts me for the person I am, faults and all, without annoying the s**t out of me. I don't see a lot of it about, to be honest, and when I do it's usually among the elderly.