Tinder Experiment from Medium

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Yea. I've come to think there are much better ways to meet people than tinder. If you are a lonely guy there are probably lonely girls out there. They just aren't the girls who go on dating apps. Nick007 managed to find someone. I also managed to find someone (though my circumstances are somewhat unique). You just destroy yourself when you become overly bitter from the online dating experience. It's horrible for most people.

The online "red-pill" stuff is absolutely toxic. There's an element of truth to it, but people here would have much better luck trying to find the rare exception to the rule than playing the dumb games and getting more depressed when even that doesn't work. Dwelling on the worst things will just send you into a black hole of despair. If you constantly think of the world in terms of being a superficial darwinistic horror show it will just eat your insides out. Just because there's an element of truth that applies to a lot of our society doesn't mean the real world isn't a bit more nuanced. If you aren't a completely unfeeling sociopath, focusing on negativity will only bring you down and make your life harder than it has to be. It only takes one person to change everything.

I disagree with the idea that the Tinder is creating a 'shallower trend' - Tinder is not creating anything new.

Even since the 'old generation' of online dating (The Old okcupid before it becomes tinder clone, POF...etc), average males always complained that they receive no replies. They simply didn't know how the first-stage screening going on (from thumbnail photos).

Tinder simply exposed what was always happening and it made it easier to quantify it in such experiments - the reality got exposed at least.

I never said it's just about Tinder. Online dating has always been shallow. You're selling a f*ing advertisement for yourself. Most women choose based on primary attraction (i.e. physical appearance and some superficial conveyance of what "type" of guy you are based on your profile). If you write a long description trying to create a better idea of what kind of person you actually are they won't have the patience to read it. Telling too much makes you boring because the reason they date is to learn about someone. Yet people who aren't immediately physically attractive don't get a date easily in the first place.

^ The vast majority of NTs who I know use online dating are doing it purely as a side distraction. It's something fun to do, to flirt, to find fast hook-ups, ect.

I don't know any one of them that takes that crap seriously. It's not the fault of NTs that some socially maladroit people are completely dependent on online dating.

Honestly, I think some men here could benefit from getting out more, and building social connections that aren't 100% reliant on the computer.

Stop being so reasonable, darnit.

Me too, but I'm not trying to date people.

Dating people usually goes better if you actively work on developing and improving actual social skills, and not just hoping the girl you matched with on Tinder doesn't mind your lack of eye-contact, or complete inability to hold an interesting conversation.

s**t! I just realised I posted in L&D

I am not even going to pretend than I can offer L&D advice - not my forte

I need to go back to the sarcastic section , also not my forte but I'm working on it.

I feel if the results were witched they’d be like year it’s true, but if you suggest lots of women or any women do something negative they get all defensive. Men don’t do this. If you say men mostly care about looks you won’t find many many who disagree or get defensive. Women have group defensive mentality, an attack on one is a attack on all. Men have a divided mentality, if yiu attack one man the rest will attack him to. We don’t defend Other men like women do to women. I don’t get it. Look lots of men are superficial about looks. I’m not but I won’t deny reality or get defensive. All my friends and guys I’ve known and a lot of guys I’ve seen online are superficial about women’s looks. They talk bad about slightly ugly or fat women. They talk about women’s waitat, butt, and boob size as to whether they’d date her. Society is superficial. Different is it’s changing, fat women are far more accepted now then 10 years ago. The stop fat shaming women movement is working.theres plus size models, plus size dolls, etc. we could do the same with poor low paid men. There’s more plus size movie characters too. We need to do more movies that pretray poor men as worthy and as the datable type then what we currently dare where it’s well off men and poor men are shown as losers.

But year it’s that group defensive mentality boo that why they won’t acknowledge such stats. Then here we aspies tend to think everyone new exactly like us. I use to think everyone abided by a moral code and was kind like me, I don’t anymore that was super naive of me, I also use to think men were all like me and didn’t choose women based on their looks first. But again I found out I’m rare and that was naive of me. Guys sit around talking about women’s ass to boob ratio or their waist size, I find such talk superficial and inappropriate. Not all guys to be clear. But most, those like me are rare. I’ve been told that too by women and men. Women seeem to see it as good, men see it as weakness. Men mock and tease me for it. So I don’t fit in with most men.

Do women spend their time exchanging pictures of nude women or women in bathing suits? Men do. I don’t even ask for them or send any. Then they talk about Howe they’d love to foundling them melons etc. you’ll be having a normal conversation bam nude women pics and sexual talk, or just random out of the blue from guys I haven’t talked to in days or weeks. Check out this hottie they say.
Not to say I don’t like looking at nude women, I look at porn alone in private, I don’t want to do it with other men and I don’t like demeaning women. I dont know if those women even posted those pictures of their own free will, that they send to me.
Doubly odd is they have daughters and would beat up men for doing what they do about their daughters, but have no respect for other people’s daughters. Do they just not see them as people anymore? I assume so.

Then we don't disagree.

You and me both.

I'm just here as a mod doing re-con.

FYI: I think women on dating sites are just as shallow as men.

Like I just said, I view online dating as an NT playground, nothing more.

Most people play NT games anywhere - online and in the 'real world'. Maybe one method is easier than the other for some NDs, but the way I see it, we have to find our own way of navigating the playground to find what we want, in just about any scenario, on- or off-line.

People who use online dating are real people, they exist in the world and you might be bumping into them in both places. Especially these days when online dating is so socially acceptable for NTs to do. So I think it stands to reason that there will be similarities in both landscapes in terms of having to rummage* through the same same sameness to find your match.

*proactively, with an idea of what you want and how best to find it.

Yes this matches my observations. I meet all of those criteria. That explains why I have a relatively easy time getting dates from dating apps.

What the table reminds me of is apes: most females attracted to the top same alpha males, and most want the alphiest they can get.

That explains the strange phenomena why many women on these apps remain single for long *decades* despite they’re (the apps) totally sausage fests.



You can deny it all you want, but this what the results show.

I think they should make mass polygamy in marriage legal for a more honest society.

That's how primary attraction works. I think secondary attraction is more egalitarian and tends to work out better in terms of leading to lasting relationships. The problem is internet dating sites cater to the former kind of attraction. Also, people these days lack the empathy and attention span to actually get to know others. Everything is about instant gratification.

You'd also think that people would want to be together for things like companionship and affection rather than pure sexual lust, if only our dumbass society would stop stigmatizing those former needs as "weakness". It's funny that the toxic masculinists and feminists now all agree that feeling as though you need a partner (of the opposite sex) is shameful and weak. It's a nice formula for making everyone hate each other while feeling sad and inadequate at the same time.