SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:
ConcernedNtHusband wrote:
I wouldn't consider marrying someone until I'd lived with them for at least five. I didn't propose to my wife until we'd been living together for almost 7 years. This year will be our 5th year of marriage. Way too many marriages end in divorce, so being very cautious before making that kind of a commitment, especially with someone who wants children ASAP, is absolutely paramount. The last thing anyone should do is be irresponsible, get married too quickly and then drag children into a scenario that will more than likely wind up in custody battles and divorce.
This is cool to see. I feel similar and always wondered if I am considered to be at the other extreme wanting to wait at least 5 years. It takes me longer to get to know people well and also I am easily tricked so I want to make it more difficult if the girl has bad intentions. Part of waiting this way would be so that those specifically out there to exploit others would choose to move on.
Some of this may be cultural. Arranged marriages may not be uncommon in Turkey, so the idea of marrying quickly, whether wise or not, may be less strange there than in the UK or North America.
BTW my wife and I decided to get married about 2 months after we met, did in fact get married a year later, and have now been married over 32 years. So there's nothing wrong with getting married quickly if you know it's the right thing to do. Just not for everybody.
That's absolutely correct! If i was sure of my feelings and we instantly clicked, i might have considered marriage after a few months too! But this doesn't happen to everyone and others are right too when they say they should wait a few years. It changes depending on the circumstances and people involved. Also yes arranged marriages are common in some parts of the country but i belong to a more modern family with western values so it was strange for me too!
Btw i also talked to my therapist and she seems to agree that i made the right decision. The problem wasn't just that it was too early, it's that he's unemployed, isn't even looking for a job and talking about having children! He probably thought that since i studied law i'll eventually start working and take care of him too and that's really manipulative of him..
24 May 2018, 6:55 am
