All the socialization tips thrown here don't really work...

Post Reply New Topic

No, but as I said, I'm pretty sure I could. My life is pretty full and structured right now, so I don't want to change anything. I do bump into them in the grocery store or at senior center events, and they are friendly when we meet.

I have a few other friends who I friendzoned (or they friendzoned me) back when I was dating, and I keep in touch by meeting up with them, with our current partners, a couple times a year. It takes effort to set these things up, but I feel you have to, if you don't want to be totally isolated.

Now I realize (given this is Love and Dating forum) you might be asking about romantic relationships, not platonic friends. I met my current spouse through online dating, after several abortive things with other people. So you really do have to just get out there.

I used to work at a gym (weight training only), and I can confirm that people do meet there and start dating. Seemed to be the young ones doing it mostly, but that could be because there are more single young people than single older people.

So look at it this way: Which item from these pairs of methods work better for meeting people, making friends, and having a meaningful relationship?

- Going out or staying home?
- Joining a group or staying alone?
- Getting involved or watching from the sidelines?
- Bathing or not bathing?
- Having a job or being unemployed?
- Having a place of your own or living with your parents?
- Learning to play an instrument or listening to someone else play an instrument?
- Ballroom dancing or dancing the 'barhang'?
- Losing weight or staying fat?
- Smiling or frowning?
- Listening attentively or talking incessantly?
- "Office Casual" or "Back-Yard Casual"?

Of course, the first in each pair will work more often than the second. HOWEVER, they must all be done consistently and in concert, and the desired results may take weeks, months, or even years.

Most people seem to want an instant fix -- a magic potion that instantly attracts the opposite sex, for example. They are not looking so much for Mr/Ms Right as they want the perfect Mr/Ms Right-Now.

"Love at first sight" is a myth. Love takes time.

Actually, with some frequency, romances start at work.

Though it's probably less common than it used to be.

I've had three girlfriends from my job.

Where I met my GF's

Pub
Friends sister
Pub
Party
Blind date
Lived upstairs from me

Hey that's not a bad idea, someone could start a thread for us to list where we met friends/partners/hookups. Might be able to see trends but it might also be a source for ideas, which is more important than looking for patterns, IMO.

Okay...
School Classroom
School Dance
Tastee-Freeze
Football Game
Morse Code Class
Catholic Mass
Convent Lunchroom
Physics Lab
Computer Lab
Soup Kitchen
College Dorm
Library
Grocery Store
Parking Lot
Student Union
AD&D Club
Camping/Forest Trail
Support Group
Dance Class
Church

Awesome!!

Was thinking maybe the list could be split by type of relationship. That is, did you make friends in church or find partners there? That sort of thing. Otherwise Boo will be coming back at everyone with his qualifying questions, trying to fit our answers into his "nah that example doesn't count" box

I've met the most people through sports clubs.
These are people I socialise with regularly outside of the club - for coffee, pub, parties, restaurants, travel, beach, visit each other at house, etc.
My current best friend I met at my cousin's funeral.
We just started talking afterwards, realised we had a lot in common and exchanged phone numbers.

Where I met my GF's

Pub - I fancied a girl in a shop for years but always thought she was out of my league , one night in a pub a mutual friend said she fancied me so it was a dream hook up for me , we lasted a while , planned to get married but I couldn't get it out of my head I was going to marry the first girl I slept with so I broke it it off , broke her heart

Friends sister - I was taking lots of drugs with a friend and would hang out at his house , got friendly with his sister , had a relationship but I had my first autistic burnout / breakdown and she couldn't cope so dumped me

Pub - Fancied a girl and chased her for months but she wasn't interested so it was just friends until she attempted suicide and only wanted to talk to me , not the best way to start a relationship but it worked for a while ( 6 years ).

Party - started talking to the birthday girl and she wanted to hook up as she was off to university in two weeks , so we had two weeks of fun , although she told me she loved me in the middle of sex which was a bit weird.

Blind date - Went to a rave with a friend and his girlfriend and they hooked me up with her sister , it didn't last long as I cheated on her with an ex ( I found out years later she was on the spectrum )

Lived upstairs from me - My current gf moved in upstairs from me and she was gorgeous but way out of my league ( lust at first sight ) , she kept calling at my door for sugar , toilet paper , fix her electrics etc I didn't take the hint , she had to spell it out to me how much she was interested in me , we are still together 17 years later.

Well, I am sure things were very different in their Jurassic time.

Even I recall the enourmous difference in my lifetime, between ~10+ years ago vs now.

These days literally everyone wants to be left alone.

- I never mentioned pubs, I am not much of a drinker. And it’s never been one of the “socialiaztion tips thrown here in WP”; actually users keep telling james to stop going to bars and pubs.
So both pub scenarios are not counted since I didn’t put pubs in that category.

- Sister’s friend: that’s like mutual friends; not counted.

- Party: You surely had mutual friends with the bday girl, surely you weren’t a total stranger who got invited there from nowhere, right? So it’s not counted

- Blind date: that’s a mutual friend scenario, not counted.

- Neighbors: not counted.

Your final post’s relevancy score: 0/6.

A friend of mine met her ex husband on a plane, does that count? They were seated next to each other. Random. Strangers. Got chatting. Got married.

I met my most recent partner at a Meetup group, does that count? Sat at his table, got chatting. Dated. I've had several dates with people from that Meetup group and I'm in my 30s. Also I introduced a friend to the Meetup group and he met his wife there. They did get to know each other for a while before dating, but my dates from there have been either after meeting only once, or just 2-3 times briefly.

No, the plane scenario is a mere luck thing, you don't hop on a plane for socialization and 'go on a plane' is not a socialization tip.

Your first Meetup scenario does count if there is really no mutual friend in that Meetup and you knew absolutely no one there when you first joined; same for your other Meetup examples which you gave no details about.

Your 2nd Meetup scenario does NOT count, as I said in my OP, the Mutual friend thing does work , it's actually the most effective way to acquire new friends - but I was clearly talking about the situation when loners join something yet know no one in that club/hobby/activity group, that's completely different.



Well, I guess that means you're very good looking.

I am 36 years old and I've been doing such things for maybe over 12 years or so.

So I am not the one to lecture me about the instant fix and rushing.

Btw, you probably don't know since you were away: I am in a relationship since last year.

Plane example probably doesn't fit for this thread but perhaps for the one where you doubted strangers chat each other up in public.

Yeah at the Meetup, I got dates by meeting people all by my lone self.

My friend who I took to the Meetup, he met his wife there. I didn't introduce them other than perhaps by name when she joined our table. I barely knew her. It's an event with 100+ people where we move around tables and mingle.

I'm not objectively "very good looking", I just managed to find a social activity where people who like my type are (and vice versa). That's the key.