Dating Site Disclosure

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^ Did you even read his original post, Boo? He doesn't have trouble getting dates, and he's happy to decrease the quantity to increase the quality.

Lucky I don't take the advice on the site personally, otherwise I could see it as tips to make it harder for women like me to find someone! I deliberately seek out the type of candor the OP is talking about, so to tell a man to hide his autism is to essentially tell him to hide from women like me. I.e. "You should only try to attract women who aren't like yellowtamarin."

He wouldn't be on a dating site in the first place if he really doesn't have trouble to get dates.

Online dates. And are you just skipping over every time someone mentions quality of dates?

You cannot find quality among null.

I'm a great catch, and I'd probably date him

I'll take the bait and explain.

That's a rather presumptuous comment to make, based on little evidence or understanding of context. I've met around 50 women over the past 4 years, not only from online either. Around half of those have gone beyond a second date. The superficiality and small talk is quite tiresome, I don't find casual relationships fulfilling, and I want something deeper and more meaningful. Disclosing a diagnosis or not, to find that, one is going to have to put up other filters.

My logistics are complicated at the moment; I currently live in the suburbs, because of London house prices, and it has also taken some time to readjust to life after marriage. This gives me a 3-hour round commute every day. This also means that staying our late for after-work events is difficult, as there is no transport for me to get home after midnight.

I could meet someone at work, but I am senior to around 4,700 people in an organisation of 5,000 (and also on the executive advisory board) so there is a matter of propriety to consider. My job role itself is also a high profile one; a failed relationship where false allegations could me made against me has the possibility of causing embarrassment to my organisation, or ending my career.

I'm in clubs and I volunteer, and I haven't come across anyone I'm attracted to strongly enough to consider making an approach (though some people from my running club have actually approached me, albeit via the dating site). There is also the impact to consider on my existing acquaintances in those.

I could go on and on, but online dating, at the end of the day, suits me as it is efficient. To go back to my original question, I've decided disclosure is the best thing for me. What I am more concerned about now is how I go about expressing that.

In my experience, it doesn't matter much. I've expressed it in various ways and haven't noticed a change in the types of people who contact me. I've outright said I'm autistic, I've said I process things "the aspie way" (and have then had people ask me if I'm diagnosed or not, out of interest). I don't think I've ever actually elaborated on it though, as I mention some of my quirks and traits elsewhere in my profile. I just put it out there bluntly, as that's my style. My suggestion would be to say it in whatever way sounds most like your voice.

Move to London then.

I've found my pocket of heaven, away from the city bustle and surrounded by nature. One has to weigh up priorities, and living here is more important than getting lots of dates or finding a partner. That's how I feel about the disclosure thing. Is it more important to get lots of dates, or to get good, meaningful dates? If jossman feels he will get better (though fewer) dates by disclosing, then I think it's well worth a try.

I don't believe you should disclose that at the first meeting/date but don't waste too much time in telling the other person. If they can't accept you because you're on the spectrum, than it wasn't meant to be in the first place