Online dating messages

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A lot of women just reply on dating sies out of politeness. Also it’s really easy to lose interest in other people in regards to dating site replies. I’ve done it to guys, and they do it back. It’s not personal, people just don’t care enough.

Tell the women there first to write properly before lecturing on the men, when they reply they always reply with something : Hi lol how r u? hehe

Honestly, no one I know chats with proper language, regardless of language , except me (I try my best in english here though).

Surprisingly, I find the Tinder users chat more properly (language wise) than the Okc gals.

I do kind of get the feeling that that is the case, a lot of the time.

I'm not just talking about dating sites, BTW, or even strictly females. I get it everywhere: Facebook, message boards...even this message board >_<

I did briefly post at a board where people were able to vote your comments up or down...I had a few that surprisingly got voted up, but it hurts pretty bad to see some of them voted down =| So I left =)

Half the time I don’t reply to private messages here, it’s all about engaging on the boards. I think the problem is most people just enjoy casual interaction online, they are not really trying to make friends, or half the time, get dates. I had about 210 tinder matches and most of the time they stopped replying or I did.

Because people aren’t serious.

Everyone ignores me on Facebook too, btw. It’s an aspie thing struggling to forge strong social connections.

You have to trust me. You’re not scaring them off. You’ve done nothing out of line, unlike yours truly, I’m embarrassed to say. They just weren’t really interested at the start. The game was over from the get go.

I did those 3 things before sending any message on a dating site & I never gotten more than one message from any woman who I messaged. I probably did have some punctuation & spelling mistakes that I didn't realize due to my dyslexia but I don't think that was the issue considering how many mistakes I've noticed on LOTS of women's profiles.

The grammar of course was just one suggestion I was making - the point is if she stopped messaging you and didn't say why, then you don't know why, so it's best not to make assumptions like "it must be because I told her I don't have a car" etc. etc. Checking up on how you presented yourself in the message is one suggestion of something else to consider rather than making an assumption and basing future negative thoughts about yourself and your dating prospects around such assumptions.

I think this is a good advice, but sometimes there isn't really a rational reason why someone stopped answering. Maybe the person got busy, maybe she is having a hard personal time and don't feel like doing small talk, maybe she decided she don't want to date anymore. Online dating shouldn't be a measure of your personal value, and I feel so sad to see some nice people here feeling down because of it.

Exactly, there's so many possible reasons (or lack of reason) why that last message didn't get a reply. Grammar or conversation style is at least something tangible that can be played around with to see if different methods get different results.

I know I have a pretty blunt style of writing, and it probably puts plenty of people off. I don't know that for sure though, just as I don't know if it's something else instead like my looks or employment status. But I think it's only worth focusing on the things that can be changed (if you want to change) rather than dwelling on the more disheartening possibilities which might not even be true.

I do PM from time to time, but none of it has really ended in ghosting.

Mostly it's when people post in a thread, or start a thread...but I kind of get the feeling that a lot of people here don't use the "View Your Posts" page, and so they never find out that they have replies. I've gotten used to it.


Yeah, there's that, too. Plus, Facebook's algorithms make it virtually impossible to reach anyone unless you spam like crazy. And I can't bring myself to do that.

But for one example, this is the second year in a row where I've sent my best friend a PM, asking if he had any plans for St. Patricks (his favorite holiday). It's almost like my ISP is blacklisting me. But I'll ask people in person, and they say "Oh yeah, I saw that..."


Well that doesn't sound very encouraging =)

If you keep scaring all the boys away, you're going to grow up to be a crazy old spinster!

It might not be encouraging, but it’s the truth. You haven’t done anything.

Average looking guys who seem kind of boring, people on dating sites just ignore because they’re a dime a dozen.

The guy hasn’t done anything. They just fail to stand out. Girls usually spend a split second on tinder before they swipe left. If your photo, age or job don’t stand out, they don’t bother. If you can’t stand out with those 3 things, then tinder is not for you. Find an avenue where people get to know you, like a forum.

You’re much more likely to get real engagement on a place like this.

I get more attention here than from anyone I know in real life. It’s about engagement. If all you do is moan about yourself, you’re not really engaging. I try to contribute to the thread and talk to people, not at them about myself.

You sound like the sort of person I would like to be friends with.

And utilise the features of dating sites that do let you express yourself more. OkCupid behaves a lot like Tinder now, but you can still fill out your profile if you want to, so the women who want to get to know you a bit, can.

But yeah, I've got an online forum to thank for my longest and best relationship so far. It had a chat room feature which I don't think this site has, so we actually got to know each other's conversation style and personality a fair bit through group chat. I'm better at that than than trying to be friendly in the threads here, as I'm always afraid of going off topic so I tend to just stick to a more formal approach. Which is maybe why I hardly ever get PMs

I feel like I'm going way off topic here actually but it's my thread so meh

Tinder now for online dating is like FB for social media.

It already ate the whole market.

Tinder is the first dating app where you see types of people on it who never used any online dating before, I stumble on a lot of people I know who are social and I am sure have never ever touched any dating app before, this never happened on other apps (seeing people on them i know irl). It succeeded to make online dating mainstream.

Okc is just a small loser insect now, trying to imitate desperately (with some stupid tweaks) the giant Tinder with its last update. It will not survive long.


Why Tinder succeded so much and why Okcupid is failing so miserably now?
Because Tinder succeeded to focus on what really matter: looks and instantous first impression, just like the real life.

While Okcupid focused on the verbose descriptions and well composed first messages.... it created a delusion in males there that the best strategy is reading the women’s profiles well and compose an extraordinary first message that shows they read the profile, also it creared this delusion in the women there hence why they keep expressing “read my profile well” in their bios.
But in reality, what really goes from the female side is that they screen quickly the thumbnail photos of the many many many messages they receive in their inbox and eliminate the ones they find unattractive unconsciously and immediately, the male’s profile and first message are only secondary really, and the matcch % is another totally stupid aspect they had; if he is unattractive looking no words or matching % would compensate that, let alone if he has no job.
Tinder focused on the first aspect and that saves a lot of time from both genders.

Also okcupid profiles and first messages tend to be waaaaaay sculpted either via peer reviewing or even by himself since he has a lot of time to do research and to perfect it. It is like the CV and first time message is like a cover letter; they don’t really reflect the person’s real persona nor his real linguistic skills.

While instant messaging is much closer to real life conversation, you don’t have the time of the world to peer-review, edit and sculpt every message before sending.

Tinder’s main mean of communication is instant messaging, while okcupid is messaging in email fashion - Okc had optional instant messaging before, a failed feature that it was always turned off by most women because they would literally receive hundreds of messages per minute if they don’t do so since anyone in the world could instant message them.

In other terms, Tinder is more “real” while Okc is more fake.

Also Tinder succeeded to put women in control of their inbox, you only receive messages from matches and that makes a big difference. Okc changed to this strategy in its last version but it’s too late for them.

I never used Tinder, it wasn't around or at least popular when I was using dating sites. I'm sure I did NOT stand out in a good way on them due to having few/boring interests & being disabled & on benefits or working low wage jobs when I was working. My income was fairly high for a couple years when I was working thou because I worked alot of overtime when I was allowed. I was a workaholic due to being depressed, lonely & having nothing else going for me in life, & also my work ethic & sense of loyalty. Anyways I met my current girlfriend & both my exes on forums. I moaned aLOT about myself at times, OK LOTS of times but I also tried to engage in threads & contribute to the community in ways other than just complaining about myself. It worked for me but took the rite women to be interested & I was single for about 8 years between my 1stt & 2nd girlfriend.

Tinder is more mainstream and suits more people (more people are primarily superficial than primarily sapiosexual, for example).
I didn't think OkC was ever designed for the mainstream. It has always attracted outlying groups. First nerds/geeks, then hippies/vegans, more recently it became more mainstream but now it seems to attract the genderfluid and polyamorous. Those are my very generalised observations anyway.
I've had more "real" experiences using OkC than Tinder because it's more my style and has had a higher ratio of neurodiverse people. Most people would have more "real" experiences using Tinder because it's most people's style and has a higher ratio of normal people in it.

Tinder is for hookups. Not relationships. It doesn’t paint a real picture of a person. Using it for anything except it’s intended purpose will likely result in failure, unless you get lucky.

OH PLEAASEE STOP repeating the same myth over and over and over and over again!!

Did you ever take a look at the women's profiles on tinder, did you? 90% of them say they're there for serious relationships and NOT for hookups.