Rejection per Peanut Butter

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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04 Jul 2018, 3:40 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

Wow, it's worse than I thought! This is an epidemic! All these people taking an offhand remark about peanut butter and twisting it beyond recognition just to validate how offended they want to be.

Look, we all have social difficulties here, it's the one commonality to autism. If everyone else is recognizing that you gave an awkward answer maybe it's time to re-examine your behaviour and learn so you don't make a similar mistake on your next date with someone else. We're here to help, not to be offended and judge.

You said the wrong thing at the wrong time and she didn't react very well to it, it's not the end of the world. Just keep in mind in the future that women who are dating have to be very careful of their personal safety when it comes to meeting new guys, and don't mock their safety plans and preferences because most women who are dating have them due to some bad experiences they don't want to be reminded of or associate you with. Just be respectful of their safety and you shouldn't get any more reactions like the negative emotional reaction you got from this last woman.

ThisAdamGuy
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04 Jul 2018, 3:47 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

Wow, it's worse than I thought! This is an epidemic! All these people taking an offhand remark about peanut butter and twisting it beyond recognition just to validate how offended they want to be.

No, I feel 100% comfortable with the idea of never dating someone who is sensitive enough to be offended by peanut butter.

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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04 Jul 2018, 3:50 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

Wow, it's worse than I thought! This is an epidemic! All these people taking an offhand remark about peanut butter and twisting it beyond recognition just to validate how offended they want to be.

No, I feel 100% comfortable with the idea of never dating someone who is sensitive enough to be offended by peanut butter.

OK, well good luck with that.

SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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04 Jul 2018, 3:51 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

Many women will choose to first meet a new guy in a public place or a restaurant where there are lots of people. That way if things go sideways they can leave with less chance of being harassed or followed by the guy (they are less likely to do that when there are witnesses.)

Still is a risk if there is reason to believe someone is potentially dangerous.

Hypothetically a criminal who intended the worst could bring another person to act as a proxy pretending to be him while he remain anonymous. Though I personally will probably opt for meeting girl in public place because if they intended the worst they won't have the veil of anonymity as we'd be uni students. Hence if anything happens, our identities can easily be traced and confirmed

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

You said the wrong thing at the wrong time and she didn't react very well to it, it's not the end of the world. Just keep in mind in the future that women who are dating have to be very careful of their personal safety when it comes to meeting new guys, and don't mock their safety plans and preferences because most women who are dating have them due to some bad experiences they don't want to be reminded of or associate you with. Just be respectful of their safety and you shouldn't get any more reactions like the negative emotional reaction you got from this last woman.

I guess it's just my naivete but what are the dangers with sharing phone number? Not to argue but I'd like to get informed so that I might avoid potential dangers to myself.

I guessed that there might be reverse phone lookup but the sites I found on google look like scams. Only useful info that I got was phone number's area code which could easily be looked up elsewhere. One site claimed to be able to find name, address, etc I tried putting in a defunct old phone number. Then it asked me for credit card number so I was like obviously it's a scam.

Harassment via phone can be brought up to the police and they can definitely find who it is.

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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04 Jul 2018, 3:53 pm

SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

Most women wouldn't want to bother having to go to the police to get some guy to stop texting them who is harassing them, and the cops probably wouldn't do anything unless the guy is threatening violence and even then it's unlikely if you gave the guy your number in the first place that the cops would be willing to step in and do something about it. It's easier to prevent that sort of thing by only giving your phone number to people you know.

Skilpadde
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04 Jul 2018, 3:54 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

So when I asked her if she wanted to text and she said she preferred to meet in person before exchanging phone numbers, I replied "I prefer peanut butter over Nutella."

Apparently by saying "I prefer peanut butter" right after she had said something about her own preferences, I was insinuating that what she wants was no more important than peanut butter or Nutella. And furthermore, she didn't think she could date anyone who was so insensitive to his partner's wants and needs.

You even explain it yourself in your own post. You basically told her that her preference was irrelevant. I understand her reaction.
It had absolutely nothing to do with peanut butter at all.

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ThisAdamGuy
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04 Jul 2018, 3:56 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

Wow, it's worse than I thought! This is an epidemic! All these people taking an offhand remark about peanut butter and twisting it beyond recognition just to validate how offended they want to be.

No, I feel 100% comfortable with the idea of never dating someone who is sensitive enough to be offended by peanut butter.

OK, well good luck with that.

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ThisAdamGuy
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04 Jul 2018, 3:58 pm

Skilpadde wrote:

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

You even explain it yourself in your own post. You basically told her that her preference was irrelevant. I understand her reaction.
It had absolutely nothing to do with peanut butter at all.

No, SHE said that. I made a random comment about peanut butter because saying weird things at unexpected times is funny to me. Not my fault if she's that desperate to be offended.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2018, 3:59 pm

The funny thing that women I talked to gave up their facebook information and send me / accept friend request way before giving any phone information - sometimes they're like , "no, but you can have my fb". So Phone info = dangerous, but facebook/Instagram info = safe? Where is the logic in that?

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 04 Jul 2018, 4:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

ThisAdamGuy
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04 Jul 2018, 4:01 pm

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

Or you could, you know, block their number so they can't call or text you anymore. That's way easier than giving yourself a victim complex because of quote/unquote "harrasment."

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SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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04 Jul 2018, 4:20 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

Or you could, you know, block their number so they can't call or text you anymore.

That was my thought as well, and if they really cross lines like if someone said they will kill me or kidnap me I would go to the police. With blocked number they should not even have any knowledge that they were blocked.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

I guess because you can restrict privacy settings & block people? I'm wary of sharing facebook or instagram.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

Most women wouldn't want to bother having to go to the police to get some guy to stop texting them who is harassing them

That would just be the contingency in the case that danger became apparent. It should in theory be somewhat safer communicating as cell phone should be tied to someone's identity through the service provider and they'll have records of everything. Because of this what they say in text messages can incriminate them.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

the cops probably wouldn't do anything unless the guy is threatening violence and even then it's unlikely if you gave the guy your number in the first place that the cops would be willing to step in and do something about it. It's easier to prevent that sort of thing by only giving your phone number to people you know.

Really, that is surprising. I would expect them to shrug off report of just simply an annoying irritating guy but I wouldn't expect threats of violence to be ignored. I guess I didn't know either way but I just assumed they would want to arrest the guy if he made threats. If someone threatened my life but the police ignore me when I report it and then I was murdered wouldn't it be negligence on part of the police?

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ThisAdamGuy
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04 Jul 2018, 4:35 pm

SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:

Really, that is surprising. I would expect them to shrug off report of just simply an annoying irritating guy but I wouldn't expect threats of violence to be ignored.

It sounds surprising because it isn't true. If you go to the police because someone is threatening you, no matter how they're doing it or what gender you are, they will take action against whoever is threatening you. Saying otherwise is, again, just giving yourself a victim complex.

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SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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04 Jul 2018, 4:43 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

SSJ4_PrestonGarvey wrote:

Really, that is surprising. I would expect them to shrug off report of just simply an annoying irritating guy but I wouldn't expect threats of violence to be ignored.

That's in line with what I'd expect unless perhaps I lived somewhere with sky high crime, where maybe they'll tell me to join the club if I say I got threatened. Maybe Detroit or something?

I'd think it to be the kind of negligence they could lose their job for if people got murdered when they could have acted to prevent it, where it happened because they disregarded reports of threats.

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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04 Jul 2018, 4:46 pm

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

ThisAdamGuy wrote:

Wow, it's worse than I thought! This is an epidemic! All these people taking an offhand remark about peanut butter and twisting it beyond recognition just to validate how offended they want to be.

No, I feel 100% comfortable with the idea of never dating someone who is sensitive enough to be offended by peanut butter.

OK, well good luck with that. .

This is a support forum for people who have social difficulties. Most people who post here are looking for advice, especially in this particular section. Most of them appreciate feedback from women because it's women they are trying to date and getting a woman's perspective can be helpful. That was why I posted what I did.

TheSpectrum
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04 Jul 2018, 6:51 pm

AngelRho wrote:

I like turtles.

Agreed. It was probably an excuse.
She probably decided you weren't what she wanted prior to this exchange about preferences/peanut butter, OP.
It was but a convenient excuse because it cemented her opinion. You were both incompatible, and there's nothing to be gained by trying to rationalise it in a way that puts either person at fault.

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04 Jul 2018, 8:55 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:

AngelRho wrote:

I like turtles.

We were discussing turtles in a different thread. “I like turtles” is another way of saying “get lost.” She interpreted his response in a similar way. Even if that’s not what he meant, usually when people make such remarks that are so absurdly irrelevant, people will take it as a hint. You have to be very careful with what you say and try to stay in tune with how other people understand things.

In my experience, I always have this feeling that everyone can see into my mind and understand perfectly what I’m thinking at all times. So I’ll respond sometimes with something from conversations going on my head that’s connected with a real conversation, but nobody else is aware of the link between what they said and what I said. So I try very hard not to say something unless it directly follows what someone else has just said.

You might have meant well, but you unwittingly told someone to p¡$$ off. Just watch that in the future.

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