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FoBAF (Fear of Being Alone Forever)

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Peacesells
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14 Aug 2018, 5:34 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Maybe, but probably I convinced myself of so because I know deep inside that no woman would consider me as a LT material.

I think you just like no strings attached relationships.



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14 Aug 2018, 8:34 am

I'm the dowager who has a maxim or poem for every occasion. For this thread, I have two:

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained"

and

"Faint heart never won fair lady"


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SZWell
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14 Aug 2018, 9:07 am

Peacesells wrote:
Why do people have to turn anything into an acronym nowadays, even if it doesn't make sense? (WDPHTTAIAANEIIDMS)
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I can say that I have ended up just like that, my serial fwb relationships (mostly with bored foreigners, bored single moms, divorced women or even married but 'separated', all of 33-40 age range...etc) won't last long, there was/is no potential for one to develop into a lifetime relationship and lately I no longer have the mental energy for the idea of marrying/LTR - yet I shouldn't be concerned about that because no woman would see me as a husband/LT material.

It's only a matter of (short) time that I 'll be too old and unattractive to fwb potentials and will end up alone.

As far as I remember, you've always been afraid and didn't seem to desire long term relationships much.


Acronyms have the power of anonymity to give random ideas mysterious and semantic power. My life now has new meaning thanks to OP

I think long-term relationship fear does weigh into the FoBAF lyfestyle but I wouldn't say it's exclusive to all FoBAF council. I both fear and want it, it's unveiled itself as a Sisyphean feat. I almost hope to be tricked into it and I'm also paranoid about the possibility- thinking that anyone whom should seek this for me has ulterior motives or even possibly undisclosed issues.


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Peacesells
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14 Aug 2018, 4:46 pm

SZWell wrote:
Acronyms have the power of anonymity to give random ideas mysterious and semantic power. My life now has new meaning thanks to OP

Acronyms abuse is objectively stupid and it ruins a conversation. I am hellish tired of people talking like SJ JRU IOSPE S JF, they should be severely punished by law. Also the one you coined here is particularly ugly.
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I think long-term relationship fear does weigh into the FoBAF lyfestyle but I wouldn't say it's exclusive to all FoBAF council. I both fear and want it, it's unveiled itself as a Sisyphean feat. I almost hope to be tricked into it and I'm also paranoid about the possibility- thinking that anyone whom should seek this for me has ulterior motives or even possibly undisclosed issues.

But ultimately I doubt most of the guys who fear being alone would avoid being in a relationship if they had the chance, so I don't think it really weights into it much in general.



SZWell
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15 Aug 2018, 5:53 am

Peacesells wrote:
SZWell wrote:
Acronyms have the power of anonymity to give random ideas mysterious and semantic power. My life now has new meaning thanks to OP

Acronyms abuse is objectively stupid and it ruins a conversation. I am hellish tired of people talking like SJ JRU IOSPE S JF, they should be severely punished by law. Also the one you coined here is particularly ugly.
Quote:
I think long-term relationship fear does weigh into the FoBAF lyfestyle but I wouldn't say it's exclusive to all FoBAF council. I both fear and want it, it's unveiled itself as a Sisyphean feat. I almost hope to be tricked into it and I'm also paranoid about the possibility- thinking that anyone whom should seek this for me has ulterior motives or even possibly undisclosed issues.

But ultimately I doubt most of the guys who fear being alone would avoid being in a relationship if they had the chance, so I don't think it really weights into it much in general.


Avoid, no. Fear, yes- failure could mean having your fears of maladaptiveness realized.

Also, us FoBAFer's aren't opposed to being called ugly- from time to time


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cberg
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15 Aug 2018, 5:56 am

FOBFA

I am fearful of big f*ng acronyms. I read code all the time and this feels like a linguistic box. Can we confine this to Urban Dictionary?


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Peacesells
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15 Aug 2018, 6:12 am

SZWell wrote:
Avoid, no. Fear, yes- failure could mean having your fears of maladaptiveness realized.

It's normal to be afraid of new things, and even if a relationship doesn't work out it doesn't mean that someone is not cut for relationships.
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Also, us FoBAFer's aren't opposed to being called ugly- from time to time

What the f**k is a FoBAFer? Bloody hell, man. I mean your acronym is particularly ugly.



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15 Aug 2018, 7:25 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
HighLlama wrote:
TheAllanMuir wrote:
So my no.1 fear is that I will end up a bitter old man who “could have found someone” I am on OkC, PoF, Tinder and it’s mirroring real life: I’m invisible or in more accurate terms I’m a haunting as I’m surrounded by ghosts. Simply put I’d like advice on if I should cut myself off from emotion.


Look at the quality of people on those sites, though. PoF should be called Plenty of Borderlines. Lots of profiles of women who call themselves princess, talk about how you can't judge their behavior because they've been hurt, then list all the things they expect you to do for them. Do you really want to be matched with those people?


The most normal women are found on Tinder honestly, but any average guy would rarely get significant matches, and the competition is too high hence they become too picky - literally a woman has just to swipe right to get any match t they desire.

Other apps, it's full of crazies.

The problem is most of the guys on Tinder are not so desirable so being able to swipe right and get a match doesn't help when all the choices are not ideal. And many people on tinder are looking for relationships instead of hookups and it's hard to tell which guys are looking for relationships.


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SZWell
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15 Aug 2018, 7:48 am

Peacesells wrote:
SZWell wrote:
Avoid, no. Fear, yes- failure could mean having your fears of maladaptiveness realized.

It's normal to be afraid of new things, and even if a relationship doesn't work out it doesn't mean that someone is not cut for relationships.
Quote:
Also, us FoBAFer's aren't opposed to being called ugly- from time to time

What the f**k is a FoBAFer? Bloody hell, man. I mean your acronym is particularly ugly.


you're 100% right, but it's a vicious cycle. Bracing yourself, after walking 30 miles, to find that the nearest gas station to you doesn't have gas puts you at a rather tough disposition. You might not actually be, but you'll feel like a lesser person on some scale. Soon the idea of relationships should seem silly or at least that's the idealization behind the somewhat ridiculous fear

I think we can scale back FoBAF to a healthy FBA, maybe. We'll have to talk it over in the next meeting. Although, the F at the end of FoBAF is intrinsically important to the very first F. What we can seek at an infinite capacity gives our lives meaning, can't actually run from it but we should hide well


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Peacesells
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15 Aug 2018, 8:03 am

alex wrote:
The problem is most of the guys on Tinder are not so desirable so being able to swipe right and get a match doesn't help when all the choices are not ideal. And many people on tinder are looking for relationships instead of hookups and it's hard to tell which guys are looking for relationships.

During my time on dating sites I've never had the impression that the girls were so much better material there. Also a lot of girls there do hookups and FWB relationships too without a problem.
SZWell wrote:
you're 100% right, but it's a vicious cycle. Bracing yourself, after walking 30 miles, to find that the nearest gas station to you doesn't have gas puts you at a rather tough disposition. You might not actually be, but you'll feel like a lesser person on some scale. Soon the idea of relationships should seem silly or at least that's the idealization behind the somewhat ridiculous fear

I think we can scale back FoBAF to a healthy FBA, maybe. We'll have to talk it over in the next meeting. Although, the F at the end of FoBAF is intrinsically important to the very first F. What we can seek at an infinite capacity gives our lives meaning, can't actually run from it but we should hide well

You are perfectly right, the point is to increase one's value until finding a relationship isn't like finding an oasis in the desert anymore. Also are you trying to f**k with me using all these acronyms?



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15 Aug 2018, 8:25 am

Peacesells wrote:
You are perfectly right, the point is to increase one's value until finding a relationship isn't like finding an oasis in the desert anymore. Also are you trying to f**k with me using all these acronyms?


I am actually, I was thinking about dubbing out The "FBAF" just to be more sanctimonious


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15 Aug 2018, 8:28 am

30 miles to a gas station is a pretty decent walk. I hope it was scenic.



SZWell
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15 Aug 2018, 10:23 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
30 miles to a gas station is a pretty decent walk. I hope it was scenic.


You're probably being literal but that's actually a great way to see the analogy. I suppose if it's going to be frantic, it midas whale be scenic, poetic and intrepid.


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kraftiekortie
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15 Aug 2018, 10:24 am

It's also excellent exercise----literally.

I wish I could walk along the jungles (or plains) of Africa for 30 miles.



SZWell
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15 Aug 2018, 10:55 am

I know what a NIMBY is but this article this morning threw me off with the term of YIMBY(How long has this been happening?)


https://www.citylab.com/equity/2018/08/ ... ys/567449/

Thanks for making this relevant OP.


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19 Aug 2018, 6:26 pm

I don't think you should cut yourself off. Cutting back on time spent on apps might help, though. Constantly comparing themselves to others and dealing with rejection or awkwardness can wear on someone's mental health.