A cool man’s advice regarding ghosting

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Pickup artist. Probably unwelcome approacher. Pretty-sure unwanted advancer. Pain undoubted in the ass. Also, pua is Portuguese for ‘spike’, ‘thorn’ or ‘sting’, and púa is the same in Spanish. They must feel like a spike in the rear end. The last thing you want if you seek any mutually beneficial relationship with a woman is to be one.

Pickup Artist. Sketchy dating practices that embraces the objectification of women.

It’s based on at least a smidgeon of truth rooted in psychology. Highly self-referential, with references to such things as “game,” high-value vs. low value, negging, etc.

It gets confusing, because guys get the impression that nice guy = incel wuss, jerk=alpha=gets laid. Rather than fostering positive LTR’s, guys look at PUA techniques as merely a way to get sex.

What I find attractive about PUA is how it attempts to reduce love and dating into quantifiable terms. There’s not a single man or woman who can’t benefit from assessing relationships that way. I also like the fact that PUA attempts to inspire men to be more confident. This reaches much farther than romantic relationships and has potential for a wide variety of HR.

My thing is, I have my own technique for this that I find more satisfactory, especially given that guys who are usually awkward socially need something more basic to start from.

It’s easy to view PUA’s the way spiderpig does because of how they tend to succeed. The problem, though, is something PUA’s themselves will often point out: women play these very same games, too. That’s not an attack on women. I’m not saying anyone is doing anything wrong.

But women often do dump guys and leave them wondering what went wrong, or they’ll ghost which, to me, is the absolute worst experience you can have when dating. It’s just a brutal way to dump someone. Besides that, girls want to have sex with men they find exciting, and they will test you in all sorts of flirty ways to see if you are bold enough to take them home.

The thing people overlook about these particular women is they are actually LOOKING for this to happen. If these women weren’t “on the prowl,” your best PUA wouldn’t stand a chance. Women do as much if not more of the choosing in these scenarios. While it appears that the PUA is manipulating a woman, the fact is she wouldn’t be there if she didn’t want to be. PUA literature codifies these encounters and attempts to translate the language of these encounters.

The psychology of it really is impressive. If you want to break into dating and relationships, it’s not a bad idea to look at what PUA’s are saying and try to unpack it.

Personally, I prefer the oldies-but-goldies of HR literature. 7 Habits, How to Win Friends And Influence People, 48 Laws of Power, the Art of War, and the Bible.

OIC.

I don't think he is cool, and his advice is not either. His way of getting back at a girl is not fair either, and also completely useless given that he recommends to move on after possibly having instilled some doubt. Completely worthless.

I guess your friends are getting taken/married, so they are stopping to invite the single ones.

It's a sad fact, not only the single people lack companionship of a SO, but they also lose companionship of friends.

Yeah, the same started with me around your age exactly.

Most of them have been taken/married for quite some time, I don't think that's it. I know if/when we hang out in person, everything is cool, but online I just get no replies, ever. Even if I invite people to a get-together at my house, nobody will say anything, but they still show up.

Also, I think a lot of my friends don't know yet that I'm single...but then again, my brother knew way before I did (and told everyone), so maybe I'm wrong.

As long you are never publicly seen with a girlfriend, then people will always assume you're single.

People assume I am a single, because my affair relationship is mostly secret, and we agreed to keep it secret. Because the fwb/affair nature of this relationship would just cause uproar/lectures/headache/shaming among my extended family and people I know, and I don't want to deal with such BS. People here are very marriage-oriented, like when they see a new relationship announced they are quickly like 'so when are you gonna make it official?' (aka engagement), there's no relationship just for the sake of fun/companionship in their dictionary.

What I am trying to say, that friends still treat me as a single and they don't invite me when there's all-couples outing, which are most of the outings now.

People should give others the fr don to ghost them if they want.

On the other hand, in some cases, ghosting is mean to the other person, for example, if your parents ghosted you as a child.

Why do people 'ghost'?

Contempt and/or Disgust ... the other person may simply be repulsive, irritating, or both.

Fear of Confrontation ... that final conversation in which you tell the other person that you never want to see them again may provoke that other person to violence.

Fear of Entrapment ... the other person may use guilt-tripping to coerce you into staying.

Fear of Humiliation ... the other person may have already given you a thorough recitation of all of your (alleged) faults, and you just don't want to go through that again.

Fear of Justice ... you know that you've done something wrong, and you don't want to face up to it.

Fear of Manipulation ... the other person may try to talk you into doing something you don't want to do.

There may be more, but each of these are real reasons for never wanting to have contact with the other person ever again -- sometimes, ghosting is justified.

I just can’t agree. If everything seems to be going great in a relationship, not even the slightest indication anything is wrong, you’ve been together for a long time, and I mean longer than three months, or really longer than three weeks if you aren’t to the really serious stage, or you’ve had sex... It is just plain WRONG to play head games with someone and ghost them.

You don’t even really have to explain anything. Just: I dun wanna be in this no more. It’s over. Bye. Short, simple, to the point and you get the job done. Maybe not tactfully, or with any finesse, but at least your ex knows where you all stand. Ghosting leaves you hanging wondering if the ex is ok, or if she’s being held for ransom by Bill and Hillary in their dungeon underneath the Clinton Crime Family Library and Massage Parlor.

If she talks bad about your mom, gossips, disses your friends, is abusive, is psychotic, then by all means, ghost her. If you go out on ONE DATE and you’re just not feeling it, ghost her. If you feel your life is in danger being around him or trying to leave, it he threatens you, and I don’t care how long you’ve been together, ghost him. That’s understandable.

As your SOP and MO for dumping someone? You’re a p!$$ poor excuse for a human being. Start thinking about someone besides yourself for a change.

As long as we live in a world where women have to be afraid that a guy might shoot or stab them for saying no, women are going to keep ghosting and guys will just have to either learn to live with it or find a way to stop men being so violent when they get rejected.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/usa ... h/8147003/

Not even a slightest indication? Oh come on! Being blind in a relationship is NOT an excuse. It takes two to start a relationship and two to ruin it.

And I am sorry but I have no idea what SOP and MO mean. And not really sure if you're calling me a poor excuse of human being? You quoted my post.
Doesn't matter anyway. As I said I ghosted two"friends" after years of trying to make it right.

Actually I just gotta love how men whine about women ghosting them. Eff them sensitive soul, I guess it's all good when they lie and promise everything to get into your pants and when they succeed that's when they disappear. Oh sorry, I forgot, that's called one night stand, not ghosting.
Ehhh whatever. You guys just carry on.

Ghosting is just as likely to cause a guy to shoot or stabe then too.ghosting is same as saying now just more mean.

Also women can get violent when rejected too. Women can stalk too.

If someone’s crazy enough to kill someone else for rejecting them ghosting then won’t change that.

I'm alright with PUA, even though I personally see it as strange. I just don't believe what PUA guys do to themselves or another individual woman is neither mine or whole society's damn business. I think we need to live and let be.

It wasn’t a personal attack. I’m just referring specifically to the kind of girl whose dumping MO is ghosting.

SOP = standard operating procedure
MO = Modus Operandi

And yes, if you’re the kind of girl who believes treating men as less than dirt is appropriate behavior, I can’t help but have a low opinion of you.

Ghosting after as many as 2-3 dates, meh, who cares. That just saves someone the embarrassment of a confrontation they don’t really want. I get that.

Ghosting because he’s hating on your parents/friends/etc. Perfectly understandable.

Ghosting because he’s making threats against you, or has even actually physically hurt you, nothing at all wrong with that.

If you really do believe he’ll come after you if you try to break up with him, ghost away.

I just happen to feel a habitual ghoster isn’t worth my time. And I mean out of HABIT. As in you think it’s ok to be in a long relationship in which nothing is wrong, just for WHATEVER reason, you just up and leave... Look, you’re just not feeling it anymore after 4 months. Fine. But actually do a long term partner the courtesy of an actual breakup. Now, if he just won’t go away, or wants to work it out, then just go no-contact. Again, you said all you need to say, the relationship has no future, and he’s harassing you. Fade him out and don’t look back. Messing with someone’s head and not even telling them you’re breaking up with them is just cold.

I’m just not a fan of ONS. The problem with ghosting those is, and I don’t care who it is, man or woman, sex is deeply personal and intimate. If you have an understanding and you’ll never see each other again, whatever. Just be there in the morning is all I’m saying. Don’t do the walk of shame, and don’t force anyone else to do it.

I mean...ghosting is your business. There’s no law against it. There’s nothing stopping you from doing it. But under normal circumstances it’s just a mean thing to do. I don’t like dating mean girls. Luckily I don’t have to.

Ghosting friends? Same guidelines apply. If they’re heinous people, you don’t owe them an explanation and they don’t deserve it.

Lastly, I’m male and all I have is a male perspective to speak from. I’m well aware of what other guys do. I don’t think that’s right, either. If you want to complain about what men do, be my guest, but I can’t speak from a woman’s perspective because I’m not one. With regard to men just getting into a woman’s pants being justified as ONS/NSA and not ghosting, well...guys can be transparent and up front with their intentions and as long as they have a sexy delivery, girls will probaly still engage in ONS/NSA fully knowing what they’re getting into. I’d say the same thing for guys. Be there in the morning. Treat her to breakfast. Take her home or back to her car or whatever and don’t make her do the walk of shame. She knows it’s over and you won’t call her later. But if you’re going to take it that far, at least be a decent enough guy to follow through. If one night is all it will ever be, at least be classy about it. You owe her that much at least.