Men don't know how they are

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If one party is an Aspie I think it is reasonable assume there was a misunderstanding of body language unless further details are provided.

Ok this is good. I can see I'm not the only one in the world dealing with this sort of thing. I think in the quite hours of the morning everything is magnified 100% and seems too big to handle.

I've calmed down now.

I once had a female coworker treat me nasty. She was friendly towards me at first and naturally I was friendly towards her, but that's how I try to treat everyone, with respect and kindness because that's how I myself would like to be treated.

I surmised that her attitude towards me changed because she thought I was flirting with her when in fact I had no romantic interest in her whatsoever. I thought to myself, she is not even my type and she was was already taken while I was married at the time. I still treated her with respect and kindness even though I was not afforded that same treatment, misunderstandings happen.

Your friend should rethink her theory, we are just as responsible for our actions as you are. In my coworkers mind, I must have been a real scumbag. I hope this was useful hurtloam. I hope your day has been better than your morning.

What exactly did this guy do that you interpreted as flirting? Do you know he was flirting with you or do you just suspect as much?

It's not really a double standard if there's no establishing body to invent rules. People are different everywhere, and people will interpret things differently or act in varying fashions with differing degrees of decorum.

The thing about relationships is that they change between each couple. No law is universal in that respect. You may possibly consider reassessing your social circle if you consider it a primary and valuable principle.

You said he was being charming and polite.

Being charming and polite doesn’t mean he’s interested, he may be charming and polite with his grandma too.

So I am confused about what you mean by charming.

It could very well be a misunderstanding between the parties involved. I have experienced a situation where I was accused by my friends of flirting with a woman at a social function, yet I was just trying to be nice and have a conversation with someone who initially asked me a question. You could call it one of my largest social blunders to date.

It all happened while I was in graduate school for my PhD. The university had a social gathering for all graduate school students at a local comedy club/night club. I showed up with three of my friends. Naturally, I found a spot to sit near a table as everyone started talking to each other on the dance floor area. I was not comfortable in introducing myself to others, so I wanted to sit this one out.

During the time I was there, a very attractive lady (way out of my league) asked me what my area of study was in. I responded with the basis for my research project at the time. She then asked me further questions about the materials and techniques that I was using in the project. Of course, I was more than happy to try to explain them to her, as I was shocked that someone outside my area of science might be interested in learning about what I was working on. We talked for over two hours total. Well, my friends were my ride home and they dropped by to tell me that they were about to leave. I excused myself from the nice lady and explained that I had to go. She responded that she understood and needed to find some friends that she had arrived with.

When we got to the car, my friends were pestering me about her. I explained that I was answering the questions that she had about my research project. That lead the the inevitable question on whether or not I got her phone number. When I told them "no", they responded with "WTF is wrong with you". They were all wanting to ask her for her phone number, but I had prevented them from doing so and they did not understand that I was just being nice to have a conversation with her. They said that she had been flirting with me the whole time and thought that I would eventually catch on. I never noticed that at all, I just thought she was interested in science for some reason. Later on, one of my friends asked around about her and found out she was single and was interested in me. However, by that time, she already had a new boyfriend. Oh, did I ever get a lot of guff from them for years about that one.

I never looked to her in the way that my friends did. She probably thought much the same way as HurtLoam. I had no clue what was going on in this situation. I knew that there was no chance that I would ever get a date with this beautiful woman, so why even try. Yes, my low self-esteem did rear its ugly head in this, but I also am terrible at understanding the art of flirting. It is one of my major downfalls. It just does not compute in my world.

Tell her "A man is not a lost puppy".

If you are going to be socializing as an adult it makes a lot of sense to learn how NTs flirt as a basic life skill. These days it may even be considered mandatory, with the concern about sexual harassment in the work place. Just like having to take cyber security courses.

It occurs to me that the "acceptable" dating pool for upper class women is actually quite small. Not many men have intelligence, social training, wealth, education, and a high paying job.

That actually depends. It does go beyond general politeness, but depending on the situation he may have percieved you as being particularly emotionally vulnerable, and touching the hand and marked eye contact is also a demonstration of emotional support.