Will I always be told "I have a boyfriend."?

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In your case, the obsession with it is self-destructive. The main reason you get rejected (based on things you said) is you lack persistence in forming casual, ongoing relationships. You don’t have a lot of girls you’re in regular contact with. If you want a gf, you’re gonna have to insert yourself in the scene. Can’t get a coffee date? Fine. Start hanging out at the coffee place anyway. Smile and greet people who come in. It’s weird at first, but over time you get used to it and people get used to seeing you. It takes time, but they’ll eventually engage you in conversation.

I got into running. Meet people all the time. Got into fitness (lifting, cardio). Met lots of people. Got involved in the local Catholic school. Made LOTS of friends. That even got me a day job after I thought I was unemployable. Made even more friends, and now I’m getting some side money doing odd jobs for the Catholic church related to their mass music, working closely with their cantor (music director).

I’m interested in politics and thought about breaking into it at the local level. Not sure I’m quite brave enough for that yet, but imagine door-to-door campaigning, polling, focus groups, attending school board, county, and city council meetings... Or joining civic groups like Rotary. Or invite-only social clubs (I’ve had more than one person offer to get me into the Yacht Club). Or fraternities like Freemasons. Getting involved in activism, fundraising, etc.

When you get in the HABIT of those things, making friends and maintaining those relationships gets easier.

You’re already on the right track. Unitarians put a bad taste in my mouth, but so what? I dated a U/U girl who was very nice. Wonderful person. Regardless of how old people are there, you’re forming and keeping relationships. That’s important. Keep doing that. Rinse and repeat everywhere you go. The girls will come.

Luh is spot on wrt your independence. If you possibly can, you need to break out of prison. No offense meant, but when I hear stories like yours, the first thing I think of is this is a person whose parents don’t believe can survive in the real world. There’s no shame in that. Some people really can’t make it on their own. I’ve heard disturbing stories from girls on WP whose parents won’t cut them loose, and it boils down to them being vulnerable, with downright creeps trying to exploit them. You keep talking about suicide—how does your mom know you won’t try to hurt yourself as soon as you move out?

Again...no offense intended here—but I strongly suspect you creep girls out. I’ve ALWAYS had that same problem. The way I get around it is I lay everything out on the table when I deal with people. Then I shrug my eccentricity off as me just being me and no big deal. “Yeah, I smell like mouthwash. Trust me, you WANT me to smell like mouthwash.” “Yeah, the room stinks. It’s not me this time. If it was me, I’d brag about it!” “Yeah, my shirt is wrinkled. Laundry day.” “You think I’m sweaty NOW? You should see me at the Y!”

I deflect every chance I get and try to avoid situations or conversations where I know the creep factor will come out. I was at a race this past weekend where I lowered my PR by nearly 2 minutes (5k). I know the guy that finished in 18 minutes. He spent a couple weeks in China in the process of adopting a girl. Got him talking about the Forbidden City, what life is like in China, etc. I wasn’t THAT interested...but he’s a cool guy. I only know how to talk about music and running. I let him talk so I didn’t have to, and that kept the “weird, creepy” side of me from showing.

This is especially important to me because I work with preteens and teens. I avoid telling a lot of personal stories and try to listen to them. I lead a youth praise band once a week, so I try to distance myself from the mic unlike a lot of worship leaders and try to encourage the young girls who SHOULD be fronting the band to sing more without using me as a crutch (I suck at singing, btw). I accompany mass at the Catholic school, and the cantor leans more on me because I have a solid CCM background and can sing things she can’t. I stay away from the mic unless absolutely necessary. And the few times I DO take over, the participation and engagement with the kids is through the roof. They LOVE it.

But if I did this purely as a solo routine, the creep side would catch up with me. So I keep people running around doing things that a) I can’t do without looking like a creep and b) make them feel important.

If, and I stress IF, your problem is you creep people out, you either have to adapt or figure out how to avoid the weird behavior. Lose weight, record yourself talking and figure out how to change your voice, make videos of yourself walking to see if you can change your gait, upgrade your wardrobe, etc. I started doing recording sessions singing church songs and experimenting with my voice to stay on pitch better, lose the vibrato that was never natural for me anyway, and stop sounding like I’m singing with a sinus infection. I walk funny, so I purposefully set up meeting with people so they come to me and I can mostly stay seated. I talk funny, so I try to keep people talking so I don’t have to. And if I’m teaching, I tell my kids exactly what my quirks are and that I can’t help it. And I joke about it. OFTEN. And the kids leave me alone about it. If they judge me, they keep it to themselves.

These are things you MUST work on that nobody likes to talk about. Independence, or admit you can’t make it on your own and be content with the life you have (again, no shame in that). Creepy eccentricities that might be pushing people away. Making yourself a part of the social landscape, making and keeping regular contact with friends. That will absolutely set you up for dating success IF YOU ARE CONSISTENT and patient.

If someone is unhappy with their life, is finding a girlfriend really going to be the answer? Also, the older you get the more difficult it becomes to meet people, depending on the demographics of where you live, but luckily divorce rates are rising, so there will be plenty of divorced women to choose from! Actually, I'm not real sure where all these divorced women are at...

No.

I know I'm not here too much anymore but Marknis is a person that I really appreciate and I can relate to how he feels. Every time I see a guy who looks like my ex I think to myself "maybe he's single". It makes me sad and causes distress when I realize that guys who look like my ex have girlfriends.

Marknis, you are an awesome guy and do you like Pokemon?

Here is a Pokemon hug!

I get the same way regarding exes

*hugs you back* Thanks, Zeromancerlove! I haven't played Pokemon in forever but the hug is appreciated!

I can never tell if a girl is single or not. NT guys seem to know.

I am scared that I missed out on forming relationships with potential girlfriends due to social difficulties from having Aspergers and I am scared that the number of single women is dropping or that my time has already run out. I live every day feeling incomplete and helpless about my situation. I feel like I have the psychological equivalent of severe bleeding but I never get the treatment for it so I continue to suffer.

I'm content with being alone until the right person comes along, but I can understand how it could be very stressful for someone that has never dated or never dated much. Yeah, it does suck the older you get. I sometimes look back on my life and wonder what things might have been like had I done some things differently in past relationships, and think about how much easier it was to meet people when I was younger, but I don't dwell on it. Dating has changed a lot since I last put in the effort to do it. I know what things I could do to make it easier for myself, but I'm not about to compromise my beliefs in order to do so, I'm looking for quality over quanity. There seems to be a lot of lonely people on here, males and females. Do any of them ever take a chance and message each other? I know that finding someone on this site in a specific town is unlikely but even an online relationship can help you build the social skills needed for dating. I guess finding someone that is up for a long distance relationship can be kind of difficult now too with the way things have changed. It really isn't that bad as long as you can come up with things to do and talk about, it actually requires one to form a meaningful relationship, which many people can take for granted offline.

Mark , I doubt I will ever tell you 'I have a boyfriend'

Yes, if the source of unhappiness is chronic celibacy.

We have talked before and I see other people giving you good advice that you refuse to take instead you continue focusing on the misery, this will get you nowhere. At this point it seems as though you enjoy being miserable as it seems easier than to take any responsibility. Other people take responsibility for their life and their own happiness and have a more positive and relaxed attitude and their focus on more important things even if they date at the same time dating is not the only thing in the entire world they care about and they don't sit in a corner being upset when dating does not work out instead they go on with the other things they do with their life and that way they both look more attractive as they're not desperate and they live a happier life. Some even only manage to make female friends for many years but such friendships often with time evolve into a relationships and up until that happens you've had a great friend to form many good memories and have fun with.

Love always happens out of the blue, if you force love it will most likely not happen. You don't just force it, you're desperate for it and care about nothing else to the point of even attending college just for the sake of meeting a woman.

You also sound incredibly shallow with saying not many attractive women are left. Are you the hottest man in the world? I highly doubt it. Being shallow will make it even more difficult for you to ever find a woman.

Start taking some responsibility and don't be so obesessed with dating. Attend classes for the sake of learning and evolving as a human being and put your focus on that. If you choose to go on as you have before even though you know that is not leading you anywhere then you can't exactly be miserable if things go on as they always have. You should know at your age and many years of doing the same thing that it's a road and a mindset that's leading you nowhere. Everyone has to take responsibility and make something out of their life on their own before things like love can happen to them, you're not special even though you seem to wanna think so.

I don't enjoy being depressed. It makes me feel sick and I live in a culture that thinks depression is simply a state of mind. I've been told to "Quit being a p****!" or to "snap the f**k out of it" by people who are in denial of their own depressed feelings.

I didn't just attend college to look for a girlfriend. I took some classes I thought were interesting and maybe would show me what my niche in life was. Unfortunately, my grades were below average and that discouraged me heavily.

I've never proclaimed to be the hottest man in the world and I am not looking for the hottest women either. I am pretty sure you have a type or types of men you find attractive. You sound like you are saying it's bad I have a type so that is coming off as hypocritical to me.

I would be able to handle being single better if my family and the people they associate with didn't shove their relationships in my face. There actually was a time I told others I wanted to improve myself before getting into a relationship was and the response was "But if you take too long, you won't be young anymore!" and my older brother was constantly boasting to me about how many "b*****s" he got while following the crowd when I told him I wanted to walk my own path.

Sometimes—not ALWAYS, but sometimes—the crowd happens to be right. I believe in walking my own path. It happens to intersect with the crowd sometimes, but it is MY path. I’d be lying if I told you my path didn’t come at a cost. There’s a price to be paid for going your own way. The question is whether or not it was worth it.

Some would say it’s always worth it. While you’re working at the library, go check out The Fountainhead.

I guess because we’re different, the way we’re raising our children makes them really stand out at school. My oldest two are not necessarily the popular kids. But I’m teaching my daughter how to navigate politics so she can spin her uniqueness in into something more influential. My oldest isn’t really cut out for school, and he’s in a class full of girls. So I’m teaching him about how to navigate the sea of hormones that is 6th grade. He is musically very gifted, so I’m hoping to steer him in a direction that will see him more successful than I ever was.

My youngest...well, he’s unique and well-liked.

There are ways of celebrating and exploiting uniqueness, going our own way while persuading the crowd to follow us rather than the other way around. Believe me. In hindsight, I see that following the crowd would have been easier...

...but then again...I do like the life I have. So maybe it was worth it after all.

I agree with superaliengirl. She has a lot of good advice. You need to start taking responsibility for yourself. If you don't take responsibility for yourself, you're going to find yourself exactly where you are now, in five years. I also didn't notice her telling you to stop being a p**** and snap the bleep out of it. People here are trying to help you, but you keep twisting their words around. We're trying to help you but it's hard when you take things personally.