Am I better off single?

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So it’s not so much as hours of alone time, but rather needing quiet time that you need. What does your girlfriend like to do in the evening? During the day does she have social contact by going to work or school? If not, that could be part of her emotional neediness.

She's not being unreasonable; she's being totally normal. It's up to you whether this relationship is worth it but if

you break up I think you will start looking for another relationship quickly. If you do you should be really open

about how much time you need to spend alone/nonverbal and look for someone who sees that as a positive.


I worry quite a lot about the need other people have to be in a sort of constant text/verbal/awareness with

someone they are in a relationship with (like a dog lead) because I know if I attempted it I would not be able to

do anything else because it would be distracting. I would be totally useless and exhausted. I plan to be very

upfront over my need for space in any dating situation but I see it as an issue that it's difficult to convey to

someone who doesn't feel the same way. I feel they will instantly assume I will feel differently if I loved someone

I kind of understand because my old room mate was like that. She wanted my company after work and got annoyed if I went to sit in my room to unwind on my own. She felt rejected. I was like, for goodness sake, we're not married!

I moved out.

I don't understand what people who want to talk all the time find to actually talk about.

My girlfriend is very talkative too, sometimes I kiss her just to cut it lol.

Weren’t you having these exact same problems this time last year? Lol.

So this ones completely stuffed up, u can’t go backwards in a relationship. The next one do urself a favour and live across the hall from each other in flats. Simples.

I don't really feel as if asking for some alone time is being unreasonable? I can't imagine being around my girlfriend 24/7. That's just unrealistic expectations on her part. Everyone needs their down time. Being a truck driver I can't fully emphasize, I'm away from everyone 12 hours a day.

If you two love each other you'll meet in the middle and figure out a reasonable compromise. You should have some time to, f**k I don't know, post on WP, watch that show, play that game, and she should realize that time spent away from her isn't lack of love, it's you recovering from a long day of talking and dealing with other humans. And maybe she can help you to understand what is better "emotional support" for her.

In your place, I would take my girlfriend to a place where my skills excel, e.g. skydiving (not that I'm an expert, but you might be), so she sees me as being able to provide support to her in a different context than emotional, ie. good, old-fashioned male protection from the big, bad world. This would help her to see my validity in her life. A lot of men today are not sure where they stand because women rarely rely on them for the things men typically excel at, so all men, not just Aspies, can feel redundant in relationships.

But failing that, I wouldn't go telling her I would never find another girl like her. First of all, it gives her an unhealthy amount of power over you; secondly, it's not entirely true. Sure, you will never find another her, but you could find someone better for you than her (you don't know). Also, it messes with her head because she may start feeling sorry for you and staying with you out of pity. That's never a good reason to stay together.

One thing you could point out to her gently is that spending a few hours alone is vastly different to spending ALL your time alone. Even the pillars of a building need space between them so they can hold up the roof. Seriously, who spends every single hour together? That's unhealthy too, and it makes me wonder if she's insecure.

If she loves you, she'll be understanding of your need for space. If not, she's not the girl for you. I once saw a documentary on this autistic couple who got married. They spent only about an hour or two together most days, usually at mealtimes. The rest of the time, she did her thing in one part of the house, and he worked on his computer in another part. They were perfectly happy and contented. That might be a set-up that would work for you (but only with the right person).

Good luck.

I still get a fair bit of alone time because she always goes to bed earlier than me, wakes up later than me and works longer hours than me. Her recent small business venture also takes up a lot of her time.

I find it strange that she needs 10 or 11 hours of sleep per night when I only need 6. She wants me to hold her while she sleeps. I wouldn't mind but I get so bored when it's before my bedtime or after my wake up time so after a few minutes I usually get up and do something else. Maybe it's a good idea to keep her wanting it. I'd rather have her saying she misses me than have her say she hates me.

Firstly, do you want to salvage the relationship, and if so, is it because you like her or dont want to be alone?

Secondly, how much free time in the do you have? I'm guessing you work fulltime. Even so, perhaps you could find a compromise depending on how many spare hours in a day you have.