I'm not a bad person just because I don't have kids :-(

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Actually, other parents is part of the reason I don't want children. I would say no to all the fussy silly things like kindergarten graduation. I remember my Aspie parents didn't want to come along to school functions and I remember feeling hurt that they wouldn't come. But I went in my own and I must say it has made me very self sufficient and when I want to do something I don't feel like I need other people to do it, but I feel torn. I know what it's like to be a child and be swept up by the fun idea of a school fundraiser and I know what it's like to be disappointed that your parents are not.

I do like kids. I can't cope with their noise at times, but I do think we need to make a place in society to nurture them. I say this because I was once a child who needed to be nurtured and who wanted to be noisy.

Luhluhluh, too right. The more parents compete with each other to buy the most impressive and expensive things for their children, the richer these businesses get. Sounds like they've got it made. Ka-ching.

Hurtloam, I'm sorry you had to go to those things alone. That must have been tough! You must be really strong and independent now for having gone through that. Kudos!

I agree that kids need a place where they can be kids. The problem is most parents won't want to leave their kids anywhere without adult supervision, and any such place would have high costs associated with training, registering, certifying, doing background checks, professional development, First Aid training, knowledge of allergies and how to use Epipens... etc.... It's easier to just have kids go to school and before- and after-school hours care.

To my mind, once you take nature out of the equation, the whole child thing breaks down and unravels fairly efficiently.

Sadly, I'm sure there are haters who already object to the idea of any AS person having children, whether they want to or not; I think the haters (and there are many) would welcome forced sterilisation being imposed on us. The same people would probably seize on threads like this as "proof" that AS people shouldn't ever be allowed to have children, even if they want to.

B19, people who think that need to examine themselves - and maybe also their family tree. They're bound to find an AS person or two in there.

I'll give one example. My grandpa was never diagnosed but exhibited all the classic signs of being on the autism spectrum. He was honest, asocial and loved nature. Some people might say he shouldn't have gotten married because my grandmother had a difficult life with him and he was never emotionally present for his kids. On the other hand, however, his bravery during WWII did a lot of good for his village and he saved a lot of lives with his courage.

I say this to encourage you. Society needs to stop looking at what people can't do and start focusing on what they can. There are things only an AS person is good at and children and families can benefit from them.

And I hope nobody takes this topic and uses it as an argument for AS people not having kids. I was only talking about myself, not AS people or anyone in general.

I never did get married and have children, but my hope someday is to help others who went through the same things I did when I was growing up. They don't need to have any diagnosed disability. Just feeling different from others is enough to make someone feel bad about themselves. I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone.

I haven't wanted kids for a decade or two, after I thought about how my parents raised me. I never looked back on that decision. Granted, I know a lot of NT folks who don't want kids, either.

I'm pretty sure that I don't want children of my own. Mainly because I worry that any offspring I have could have a more severe form of autism than I have and I don't think that I'd be able to cope with a child that has such complex needs. I'd be more inclined to adopt a child that has lost its parents and help make a positive difference in their lives.

I can't even get a single date with a girl that I a want so kids are of course out of the question for me.

And btw: Why on earth will anyone want to bring a child into this cruel and messed-up world? I certainty would not.

This world can be pretty cruel and merciless so bringing kids into it is an evil choice.

Personally, I think having children is nature's punishment for having unprotected sex. Especially for the mother, who has to endure all kinds of unpleasant things happening to her body for nine months before the excruciating agony of childbirth, which is then followed by night after night of screeching, crying, pooping and peeing all over the place. And that's just from the dad, ha ha. And then there's the fact that babies don't hold their food very well. And when they get older and start eating solid food, it gets more horrific. They always seem to pick the worst times and places to projectile vomit. And when they grow into small children they still do it. A lot. Their stomachs are so small, do they save it somewhere else for a special occasion or something? Also they're such living petri dishes, especially after they start school and are stuck in an overcrowded classroom, practically sharing each other's bodily fluids several hours a day.

I've seen a number of comic strips and cartoons over the years where new parents are wondering when this profound joy the kid is supposed to bring them going to start. And even greeting cards also "joke" about all the fun you'll have. Whoopee. So it can't be that unusual.

A child can do two things to the world: Destroy it, or save it.

Or both. Destroy the system that makes the world cruel and messed-up. Save it by restoring order and justice. There's a lot of power in one small child. Consider what would happen if an entire generation could be brought up to achieve the very best.

I'm not going to be a childbirth apologist. That's a personal choice that you have to make for yourself. I won't judge people either way.

In my experience, all those things you mentioned--yes, it's all true. What happened for me was having my three children just kinda became absorbed into my day-to-day life. It's hard to remember a time when we DIDN'T have children because our lives NOW aren't much different than our lives before. We still go out on dates. We still have jobs. We still have hobbies. We still like to read books and watch movies. Children only change that if you let them. Having a job allows you to set aside money to keep kids in daycare so that you can provide for yourself and your family. Going out on dates? Bring the kids. Take care of them, but otherwise don't change anything about what you do going out. We figured out early on which restaurants were the noisiest, so if we have a screaming baby it's not really disruptive. But we also learned quickly how to handle screaming babies, so we rarely had a bad time going out to eat. And when we'd go out somewhere super nice, the wait staff would get really, REALLY nervous, but our kids never spoke above a whisper, never broke glasses, never spilled food... And it's because when we'd go out to more "low key" kinds of places, we taught them proper behavior. Movies? Same thing. I can calm a crying baby like throwing a switch. It's just one of those things you learn. A lot of parents freak out at the movies, which causes a feedback loop that intensifies the stress on the baby. So, yeah, we'd get a lot of funny looks taking babies to movies, but they rarely made a peep.

The poop and projectile vomiting...the germs they pick up from school...all the snot and various unnamed discharges you have to put up with...ok, I have no advice for that. I have a lot of cotton-blend polo shirts back when I was actually serious about going to work and looking nice. If I had a cranky toddler at home or close to home, I'd scope it up and hold his or her face just under the level of my shoulder. They would rub eyes and nose against my chest, which would quickly calm them down, dry eyes, and wipe boogies. I spent a lot of evening at home with slug trails across my chest because of that. Disgusting, I know, but you get used to it. It solved a lot of issues and made life more pleasant. My wife couldn't stand it.

They do grow out of those kinds of things, though. If you don't learn to find joy at every stage, raising children is an exercise in misery. I just choose not to look at it that way.

Seriously, if you can't handle it, DON'T DO IT. I'm only saying it's not really as hard as you think it is. But I would never urge someone to have children if they know they'd regret it. The only way this would be a problem is if you married someone and she wanted children. I really do think you're better off if you have children fairly soon after you get married, and the younger you are, the better. If she wants children and you don't give her children, she will be miserable and you might end up divorced. If you're in that situation, you owe it to yourself to do it. I would be wary of considering marriage if children are 100% off the table.