Why am I never approached? EVER!

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I like your cat staring out in the rain pic, I'm envy
And yeah I do have RBF lol: when I was young, people used to constantly ask me if I was OK.,

An abridged recollection if you fancy
A couple months ago I kept running into this guy at the bus stop every Saturday for over a month, I thought it was random until I stopped seeing him. he would always ask me to skip the next bus and talk some more and I would always be in a rush..(but I wasn't ) ..the last time I think my decibel may have risen higher than he wanted, or maybe I embarrassed him with my physical manifestation of glee upon my knowing we shared a similar interest in pop culture or maybe he was tired of "begging" me to stay, maybe I wasn't -after all-the weird he was referring to, when he professed how much he just loves weird people. [i] lol, or maybe his reason for GHOSTING was his own. (I would like to think it's the latter)
Anyhoo
The very last minute I saw him I said to myself, oh he may like me and OH what is this... I ..think I may quite like him as well, oh I can't wait to see him next week.
NEVER SAW HIM AGAIN! (Sponge Bob narrator voice) HA!

It didn't even occur to me that ....hey, I could have gotten his number, or he could have gotten mine.
Perhaps it's the idea of having lost something that never was, but could have been, that has me thinking about him He was literally my neighbor..Probably still is, I just never see him...I find that so interesting.

All in all, it obviously wasn't meant to be, but I have soooo many encounters like this and I wonder when ...will ...I learn,
I keep telling myself next time, speak lower, smile more, stop gesticulating, laugh at his jokes, be quiet, don't ask that burning question you've been waiting weeks to ask another human soul!
but alas I forget and I am just... me..
Anyways I bought tickets to a concert in December maybe this will be give me an opportunity to meet like-minded beings, this will be my first actual outing in months yeaahh!:heart:

This might sound like a blunt off-the-cuff comment, but as a woman I second this.

Why? Because you seem to be putting out "leave me alone" signals. You're going to need to open the door because the men around you think that door is not only shut, but locked.

I also say this because people have no way of knowing what you're thinking. They may assume you are happily single and not at all interested in dating or finding a partner. So they don't ask.

I only got some interest recently, in my 30s, when I told this guy I know that I was looking. I think he had assumed I'd been on my own so long that I didn't want anyone.

When he found out I was available he totally changed his approach towards me.

From a shy guys perspective. I personally don't approach woman because I am very shy, have very little self confidence and not much self worth. So while I could very well see you across the room and be very interested I am not going to approach you because it is difficult and I fear I would be made a fool and experience rejection. I am really bad at gauging someone's interest in me so that doesn't help, I may think, well they might like me, but if I say something and I am wrong it is very embarrassing.

I was in my late thirties when I had a smile epiphany. I was at a hospital, alone, to have a diagnostic barium enema which was one of the most embarrassing as well as painful experiences of my life. Making my way through the corridor afterward I came upon one of my professors, who gave me the most genuine, warm smile. It was positively therapeutic.

Since that time, I have tried to give the gift of a smile to others, thinking less of my own internal life and more of the good you can do others, at no expense and very little effort, by just giving a warm and kind smile. Now I'm an old lady and go to a senior citizen's exercise class, and I try to be friendly and cheerful to everyone because I'm well aware that we are all fighting a losing battle against disability and death. If I can brighten another person's day or contribute to their emotional welfare, it's a great opportunity.

Sorry to sound like such a Pollyanna, but maybe someone will gain from my perspective.

You can have this one.

I think all shy people know such kind of experiences. But please don't try to be artifical because of this because nobody really likes artifical people and you don't want it to be with your partner. Once you like somebody just give him a short smile that shows it and try to keep a good mood afterwards to prevent an RBF. It's mostly enough to break the ice.

If the hoi polloi don't find you attractive, it probably means that you ARE attractive. Which leaves you with two choices:

1. Stay as you are and retain your dignity, while accepting that finding a partner will be a lot more difficult.

2. Throw away your dignity by dressing terribly, listening to terrible music and being a moron in order to attract others.

I would first consider the more likely possibility that it's not anything you're doing at all. Nowadays the assumption (for me anyway) is that if a woman is attractive, she's taken and not worth approaching.

On top of that, in my opinion, the guys that you really would enjoy being with because their nice and generous etc etc are the guys that won't approach you in the first place because their nervous or they don't want to just walk up to you and disturb your day.

Just saying that before you jump to criticising yourself, think about the many reasons a guy won't approach you that don't have anything to do with you or what you're doing.

Most guys are terrified of talking to girls on the inside no matter what they show on the outside

You sound like a pleasant person and you obviously come across as confident if women approach you and try to attract your attention by rubbing against you. Before I met my boyfriend and had my two girls I used to go clubbing a lot with my friends and we'd wear low cut tops as we hoped the boys would notice us more, we were all quite pretty and wearing half revealing clothes always attracted eyes. From my own experience if we saw someone dancing alone, like you then one of us would go over and charmingly grab your attention, by brushing against you or if I felt brave enough asking you to dance. However if you don't respond or suddenly come over shy then I would back down and rejoin my friends. From my own experiences of doing just that I think that's your problem, as soon as someone gets close you betray yourself and get shy? I'm only guessing but that's what it sounds like to me.

I used to be the exact same . Whenever I saw a cute boy if he approached me I would go red in the face, not make eye contact and I would usually turn and walk away. If that happened I had to buy my friends drinks and they bought me drinks if they did the same thing, I had a lot of childish debts back then. The younger me back then wouldn't be able to have imagined me having two daughters in the next six years .

If you don't get approached in real life try creating a profile on a dating site and see if you get approached there.

You are totally right. I'm much to shy towards women because of my age, my lack of empathy and the missing knowledge of what is accepted by women as being OK and what not and how they are thinking towards men at all. A nice woman approached me just for fun in the disco tonight (her lover was with her) and told me that she totally liked me and that the hottest girls are just all into me. I knew that she was right and that the limits are just in my brain but I have to realize it. I think that I really need a friend like you who cares a bit about me. But thank you for helping you are really great!

No problem I'm glad I could help .

It may mean you either too unattractive or too attractive.

I feel this way, too. I keep hearing, "There's someone for everyone," but I don't think it's necessarily true. I don't think I'm the kind of person who is interesting in a romantic sense. At 54 years of age, I don't think it will happen.

Amen. Knowing that a lady is available can change a guy's perception instantly. Men have been conditioned for years to assume otherwise.

Exactly. Why be concerned with being hit on in meatspace? I would think you'd have absolutely no problem on line.