Time to dissappear.

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People tend to respond to me with misinterpretations. I've learned to be forgiving of this under normal circumstances but doing so requires basically unlimited patience. I'm basically just working to distract myself from my isolation.

Sorry if I misinterpret what you are saying cberg. I am only human, a pretty flawed one at that.

Oh I wasn't really talking about WP or anyone here, I suppose I'm here due to the subtext of people being understanding. I don't really consider anywhere a void; that all depends on the frame of reference.

This is very much the space I've been in recently. I know who I am. I know my positives and negatives. I know how I intend things when I say or do them. I feel it's all pretty clear. I'm rather an open book (in my opinion at least). And then reality and the rest of the world shows up with a brick to the head and this maelstrom of what appear to be intentional misinterpretations. I try to be understanding and clarify, but they just misinterpret (or blatantly ignore) my clarifications. It is intensely frustrating and makes me rather gun-shy about attempting to interact with people. I'm glad when I find people who seem to actually "get" me though.

What I need to convey to a number of people is that I'm thankful to remain in the metaphysical maelstrom of bricks as long as it means we can honestly communicate with each other & see what happens. Given the choice between madness & absolutely no human contact with people who actually know who I am, madness is the obvious choice.

Not that many people seriously know me so I need to find better ways to show gratitude to the few women who make any effort to understand me. That & I need to keep up with some other friends who've helped me with these things in the past. So I'm working a lot. I guess I owe good friends enough work on myself to actually move us all forward somehow.

That's why the people who "get" me matter so much. You have to get through that maelstrom to find those people. I just struggle to understand the people who don't seem to want to try to understand. Those people make me concerned that the next person I try to get to know will be like that and not one of the people who is willing to try to actually understand that I mean what I say.



I've actually been doing this recently. I've been working hard to hold myself in a state of gratitude and recognize the people who really do "get" me and accept me for who I am. It has actually helped a lot because I'm actively finding and holding onto the good things and the good people in my life.

(Lots of "I" statements, I apologize. I tend to commiserate by relating. It's not to make it about myself, but rather to show some possible understanding of the other person. Hmmm.... I think I'll start a thread on that.)

I guess it's good to know that's even possible, where I'm sitting there's no clear way of doing that.

If the story has a moral, it's that there never is a clear way.

Even so, there must be some habits or changes that were practical for you.

Well, to be honest, I got take advantage of a lot and misunderstood by many, still do. I make myself not give up though. I keep putting myself out there, pushing past my comfort zone instead of letting myself become a hermit (which many days I'd prefer). After my diagnosis I've made it a point to mask minimally around people I actually want to get to know. I figure they either like me for me from the get go or not. If they want to understand it's clear pretty much from the start. I also actively try to focus on the positive side of things and look at the negatives with humor, not to the point of changing who I am or using it as masking though. I've found people find that to be more of a gentle way to look at the truth.

I have become pretty adept at disappearing. I won't get any participation awards for being a good slave to normality. I will die soon enough wherein I will properly disappear and no longer be a burden.

As much as I love Blade Runner, I'd rather my thread not turn fatalistic &/or particularly sexual. To say the least a friend & I are continually processing all kinds of negative experiences with this kind of stuff so I'm trying to stick to simple ideas about how to remove technology as a distraction.

I guess the trick for me is reflecting that humor back towards people who aren't expecting any.

Hmmm... I just look for a gentle amusing way to put the bad things. Or ways to turn issues back on myself with humor. The way I look at it is that there are always at least two ways to say a thing. A nice way and a not nice way. You always have the choice of which to choose. Humor also often tends to disarm people, especially if they aren't expecting it.

When I was young, I survived through self deprecating humor. It was a way to put myself down in a socially acceptable way and people like to laugh.

I guess I'm not someone my friends would rationally expect humor from even though I'm joking all the time.

But you are still here.