Had aspie girlfriend taken from me by her parents.

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I’m not gonna spend much time on this topic, and certainly not to play devil’s advocate. The amount of freedom you have at any age is entirely a societal issue. Parents have the right, with or without society, to raise their kids at their discretion. You don’t actually have the rights you think you have. Nobody asked you to like it. That’s just how it is.

And no, I don’t feel any obligation to allow my own kids to date. They are well aware of this and why. I’m not alone, either. One of my students is forbidden to date until she turns 16. I don’t have to ask why. It’s obvious. She’s old enough to drive, she has a large degree of freedom, parents only have to put up with her two more years...what’s the point of restricting her at that point?

My own attitude is these are the formative years. I want them either with noses in their books or learning job skills. I can’t stop them from dating if they choose to go to college. But I have no obligation to financially or materially support them if I disagree with their choices. One could argue that it’s a recipe for them going hog wild once they leave the nest, but I’m not worried. Thing is, if they’re going to, they will whether I’m strict on them or not. So I have to choose what I believe is the best path. Logically, the only social skills you need at this stage is to win the approval of your superiors and learn all you can from them, and to act as a leader and role model for those who are younger than you. Peers are often quite stupid, and I try to teach my kids they are better than that. Romance is best left off the table until it is most appropriate.

Honestly, I think kids mentally begin adulthood much earlier than we give them credit for, or at least they are certainly fully capable of it. The problem is entirely a product of western society. It’s like 18 is some magic number when your kids magically turn into butterflies. I say cram as much physical labor, book learning, and practical skill into the first 12 years. When they turn 13, treat them as equals. Let them fall in love and marry into a family you approve of. Provide that support system and demand they make marriage and family work. After 5 years of family intensive and acquiring skills on the job, they got this.

But no, we insist on keeping them babies until they turn 18. I feel that is very dangerous. So to keep my kids safe and healthy, not necessarily happy (blame society, not me), I’m keeping them under my thumb as long as it takes. At a certain point I’m powerless to do anything. Today is not that day.

Age of consent is crap, too, but the law is the law.

But I will say that disabled people have it the worst because for some, and I’m talking 20 and 30 years old, parents remain firmly in control. There are some in here I won’t name who has a parent who takes all the disability payments and controls where the money goes. It’s entirely possible someone might be totally incapable of entering into and maintaining a relationship. There’s no helping a person if that’s the case.

What you have to consider is whether you really want to be there when a meltdown causes your lover to totally wreck your apartment or even cause physical harm to you. Her ‘rents might already have known that and how best to manage her. But here you come along like some white knight in shining armor to rescue Rapunzel. You never think maybe Rapunzel is in there for a good reason. After a while you notice she spends a lot of time staring at knives. You shrug it off—she likes shiny things, so what? Until you wake up one day and your giblets are missing.

I don’t mean to exaggerate. Sometimes rents are just doing you a favor. You don’t know your girl like they do. My advice when you encounter someone like that? Back off and be grateful.

Yeah. It's a real problem in this world. People just need to let love be love!

Gosh, it's now thanksgiving day here in the US and I can't see her. Probably won't see her for Christmas or New Years either. None of you would want to feel the pain that I've been feeling. All because of how they're handling their aspie daughter.

Ok. With that logic, I guess that makes teacher/student relationships and things like that ok. To clarify, let APPROPRIATE love be love. An 18 year old and a 16 year old certainly is appropriate.

Last edited by CubsBullsBears on 22 Nov 2018, 9:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Personally I think the parents are ignorant and need to learn as much as they can about the Aspergers spectrum. They may think they're protecting her (or even you) by controlling her like that, but there's not that much you can do at this stage.

They would be well advised to read some of the stuff about parenting girls on the spectrum. They are doing what they THINK is best for her.

Sadly, there are cases where males have been charged with statutory rape who end up on the sex offender registry for life. I heard of one case where an 18-year old was charged for having sex with his 16-year old girlfriend. The two have been happily married for many years, but he is still on that registry. That seems pretty ridiculous to me.

Appropriate by whose definition? When you are 18, it’s really hard to understand this, but here it is: you’re still really young. It’s upsetting to you BECAUSE you’re 18 and feel you’re entitled to a little bit more than what you’re getting. You’re legally an adult, damnit, so why do you have another ADULT telling you who you get to date and on what terms?

Well...as a 40-year-old to an 18-year-old, let me just say welcome to the adult world! It’s all yours. All the privileges. And all the consequences, too. You’re learning what it REALLY means. It sucks.

Oh...and as a 40-year-old—it does NOT get easier from 18 years on out. Good luck!

Do take comfort in knowing that age and experience will help you navigate and adapt to it. It doesn’t get easier. But you won’t notice it as it gets more difficult. You’ll look back on your life now and wonder why that was so hard.

I must be from pedophile country because where I'm from it's pretty common for teen girls to date guys who are a lot older than them. I also know of at least a few cases where the guy was in his 30s & moved in with a 15/16 year old girl & her parents. Some of the cases were cuz she was pregnant.

This must be your country’s flag:

We have never been a Pedophile country.

It was routine, and it wasn’t looked at as being too odd, for a 15-year-old girl, say, to date men in their 20s.

Even in the 90s, a 13-year-old girl could marry someone (in some states, and with parental permission).

Nowadays, the laws have been made more strict because of the impact of teen pregnancy. And because of the exploitation of some of these older men over their teen girlfriends.

Let's try not to get nasty, please.

no. nobody has the right to be continually abusive and make another person's life a living hell. i don't care if they're their "parents" or not. saying that just because someone - or a pair of people - have free reign to terrorize a youth because they birth or sired them is dehumanization of minors.



those are cases of abuse, plain and simple. they had no right to do that and i hardly think they're instances to be relied on, when discussing topics like this, or cases that set any real precedent. they're exceptional.

Remember, people, that we have only one side of this story — the side of a horny 18-year old boy whose access to a gullible girl-child has been cut off by her parents — so of course he is going to paint the girl’s parents as big bad meanies who have taken away his favorite play-toy.

I have no sympathy for him; none at all.

We do have only one side of the story and to a point I agree, we don't know if this was a healthy relationship nor the motives of the parents. For all we know the parents could be perfectly right to take her away.

...But, we don't know if the parents were just trying to control every aspect of their kids life, or anything else either.

You jumped to the assumption that the guy who posted is the one at fault, but we have no evidence of that anymore than we have of his side of the story being objective.

It seems so alien to me how they are allowed to control a 16 year old like that.

When you grow up and become the parent of a daughter in a world full of predators and perverts, you will understand.

For now, I hope the OP takes a long, cold shower and looks for a woman his own age to lust after.

He's two years older and hardly comes across as a predator or pervert.

I will also be a guy who will have experienced this sort of thing. Yes, there's a lot of bad eggs out there but you shouldn't assume that everyone is bad. I would want my kid(s) to find someone they truly love and they are truly loved back. And by truly I mean a healthy relationship.

And also, I'm kind of dissapointed that some of you have made our age difference such an issue on here. It's not that uncommon and the people I know well in real life don't have an issue with it.