The ship is sinking...

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I'm just double checking. Are you like 18 or something? (In all sincerity ... I honestly don't know).
This all sounds ridiculously juvenile.

What do you mean by if it's less then its a problem? If what is less then?

And I suppose you've got a point there, but looked like that was only part of the conversation and it had gotten pretty silly by that point.

Not everyone thinks this is so juvenile, isabella, this user above is mid 30 too.

I don’t get why it is so hard to understand for some of you, if you can’t then spare me the personal attacks.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 08 Mar 2019, 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I honestly think you got tested, Boo.
If I was a normal person with healthy self-esteem, I would have thought of it from the start.

I think (despite her nonsense posting otherwise) in this instance she was testing how you handle it if you get commented negatively on your looks and you just crumbled like a dry cookie instead of not giving a damn and playing the social game.

You got exposed, man.
I wonder what her reaction would have been, had you tried "do you like slim" "not rly" "maybe we can change that ; )".

Well... I don’t have patience for such mind games.

You should have just made one thread about that woman, looked at the other thread and if I had seen that stuff I probably would not have responded the way I did to this thread.

Based on that additional information and description seems like she was after a hook up, or a fling not a real relationship. It kind of seems like you and her didn't have a single like serious moment...it was all sillyness and flirting, some of that is good early on but seems she was doing it on a level that was kind of dismissive to you.

Like she cared more about being out with a guy, then she cared about being out with you specifically.

This is all I can think of because of the title of your thread since that very line is in this song:

In order for you to get into a relationship with someone, you don't necessarily have to be the "hottest type" in their eyes but there does need to be a solid base level of attraction. The initial attraction is the groundwork, which you build on as you get to know each other's personalities, values, etc.

The interaction Boo posted here is discouraging regarding her physical attraction to him. When he asked her "Do you like this aspect of my appearance?", there are several ways she could have replied. She could have replied with an e enthusiastic "yes!" response. She could have said she's not too worried about body type. She could have replied with a soft yes, indicating that it might not be her favourite body type but she still likes it. She could even have replied "not normally, but I do like it on you" and all of these would have been okay or encouraging, but for her to say that she's "not really" attracted to Boo's body raises some red flags straight away.

I think it's also important to keep in mind that Boo's last relationship ended in his ex cheating on him, so it's perfectly understandable that he would want the extra security of knowing that his appearance fits his prospective partner's preferences very well, out of fear that if it doesn't, he has a higher chance of being cheated on again. All of you who don't understand where he's coming from should consider this.

I don't blame him for ending the relationship. I suggested he do so when he kept saying he didn't trust her, and his gut told him that things weren't right. I agree that attraction is fairly important. What I don't agree with is thinking that you have to be someone's most perfect sex fantasy physique in order to continue a relationship. I don't even have a "perfect sex fantasy" image that I can conjure in my mind for men. Likewise, if some guy wanted to be with me because I was their perfect fantasy I'd run. That's creepy stuff. Who wants to be a fantasy? Aren't we real people?

I think you're reading too much into the word fantasy. I think he simply means "ideal". I agree with you in that you don't have to be exactly 100% what your partner wants physically as long as there's still a solid mutual physical attraction, but I can understand that after the experience Boo had that he would want to ensure that his partner is really into him physically to minimise the risk of being cheated on again. If he wasn't cheated on in the fashion he was, I'd imagine he would not feel quite as strongly about his potential partner considering him their "type", and would be happy to work with a base level of physical attraction like most of us are, but because he's had this experience, he wants to be extra sure that there is significant physical attraction there so he's not as worried about suffering the same fate again, in the same way that someone with trust issues would need more reasons to lend their trust to someone than most, out of fear of it being abused.

Women are cheated on all the time, too. Does that mean that women should only date guys who find them "their ideal physical type" after being cheated on? If anything, if some guy cheated on me I would want to get as far from superficial in my next relationship as possible.

Yes. If your type is “not much” like she expressed it then he wil cheat on you or at best will abandon you once he finds the ideal.



Except the asexuals and very old people, all people are superficial, some simply deny it. My ex acted (in words but not in actions) as if she would still love me forever even if I became crippled, but she started to f**k the other guy during the same time I was suffering serious complications from wisdom tooth removal, the left side of my face was in a terrible shape.

My ex cheated on me with someone very tall, her ideal body type.

The woman in question in the Op said “I don’t care about physical appearance”. However she posted that video
(and it is set to public there):



So yeah.... that makes me so convinced that she doesn’t care about physical appearance. /sarcastic

Now imagine if a guy of his type appears in her life and shows interest in her while I am with her: She *is* gonna f**k him behind my back or at best to ditch me for him.

I am not an idiot.

And oh, Ferris, you can do some funny censorship if that pic above is too much for here.

I'm not saying anyone should do anything. All I'm saying is the way Boo feels is understandable based on what he's been through. I believe he's also mentioned in the past that he didn't have his first relationship until a lot older than most despite wanting one (seems to be a common aspie male thing), and that in conjunction with his experience being cheated on probably doesn't give him much confidence in his attractiveness, so it's understandable that he would want to find someone who's very interested in him physically so he doesn't have to worry about not being good enough or the woman being likely to leave him.

People handle cheating differently. My brother was cheated on by the mother of his child and so now he isn't as keen on the idea of monogamy. In Boo's case he needs to feel secure about his physical appeal to his partner. Some people swear off relationships completely, others move on, others start to feel the need to have their future partners' passwords on social media to monitor them. There's no one right way to handle cheating, but it seems to have a tendency for changing people's outlooks on relationships in some way, much like remaining involuntarily single for a prolonged period of time while you have to watch others get into relationships.

It's fine if you don't understand where Boo's coming from, or even if you don't agree with it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel that extra security of knowing that your partner is very physically attracted to you. If you don't agree with his way of thinking, that's fine, but that doesn't mean that your way is "right" or superior. Wanting to feel like your partner is very physically attracted to you doesn't do anyone else harm, and if that's very important to him, that's what he should look for.

I wouldn’t be able
to word it better than how you did, Inquistor, these are my thoughts exactly.

Yeah, but he's expressed the sentiment of wanting to be the "ultimate sex fantasy" of any girl he dates prior to being cheated on.

The problem is, most people have a range of things that they are attracted to. There's nothing wrong with wanting a person who is only capable of being attracted to you (or people who look almost exactly like you), but it's going to be a lot harder to find a partner. I know plenty of folks in relationships that are attracted to models/actors/ect., but they manage to remain loyal to their SO. Most average-looking people tend to hook-up with other average-looking people (that's why it's called "average looking"), but that doesn't mean that they can't also find the "beautiful people" of the world nice to look at.

Lastly, some guys on this forum claim to be frustrated by women's "picky standards," meanwhile, they have silly/unrealistic standards themselves.

Every user on this forum is so predictable.

XFG, yes it is my standard, deal with it.

And she clearly said “not that much” which means I am not even within the “range” of stuff she finds attractive.


Besides, I have other propsects and more will come, and yes I was the ideal type of some ex fwbs before, and some current prospects tell me I am hot.
So why would I stick to this one? I am not stupid.