28 Apr 2019, 5:04 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Do you want me to prove to you that confidence is overrated and BS?
I was talking about self-confidence and not self-overestimation. If it comes to self confidence I was meaning self confidence towards other people. I never said that it's already enough to be self-confident.
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I am as I am.
Life has to be an adventure!Dan82
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28 Apr 2019, 10:06 pm
30 Apr 2019, 12:35 pm
Dan82
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30 Apr 2019, 12:54 pm
CockneyRebel
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30 Apr 2019, 12:58 pm
30 Apr 2019, 1:14 pm
Dan82
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Joined: 25 Apr 2019
Age: 43
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30 Apr 2019, 1:39 pm
30 Apr 2019, 1:53 pm
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! 
")
that1weirdgrrrl
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30 Apr 2019, 3:15 pm
Fnord wrote:
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! ")
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me!
")Maybe they just haven't reached 100 times yet .. I also love how you wrote this in definitive past tense ..
I'll go back to lurking now....
30 Apr 2019, 4:04 pm
30 Apr 2019, 5:54 pm
30 Apr 2019, 6:32 pm
Fnord wrote:
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! ")
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me!
")But when you have significant deficits in qualities that are almost universally required to elicit interest from your preferred sex, that poses a significant challenge. Additionally, generally, the more skewed towards rejection that your rejection-acceptance ratio is, the lower threshold you have for rejection. People who receive a lot of acceptance are able to feel better by focusing on those instances of acceptance when they are rejected, but conversely, several rejections for someone who is perpetually rejected just reinforce in their mind that they're not worthy, and are as such more taxing on that person.
This is why my opinion is that you need to develop a product worth marketing before taking it to market, so-to-speak. You are statistically more likely to be accepted if you have attractive qualities that appeal to the mainstream, and a "can-do" attitude than if you come packaged with dysfunction and a bunch of "I can't"s. A can-do attitude is developed by achieving in the face of adversity.
30 Apr 2019, 6:42 pm
30 Apr 2019, 7:10 pm
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! ")
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me!
")But when you have significant deficits in qualities that are almost universally required to elicit interest from your preferred sex, that poses a significant challenge. Additionally, generally, the more skewed towards rejection that your rejection-acceptance ratio is, the lower threshold you have for rejection. People who receive a lot of acceptance are able to feel better by focusing on those instances of acceptance when they are rejected, but conversely, several rejections for someone who is perpetually rejected just reinforce in their mind that they're not worthy, and are as such more taxing on that person.
This is why my opinion is that you need to develop a product worth marketing before taking it to market, so-to-speak. You are statistically more likely to be accepted if you have attractive qualities that appeal to the mainstream, and a "can-do" attitude than if you come packaged with dysfunction and a bunch of "I can't"s. A can-do attitude is developed by achieving in the face of adversity.
So I have a question: What are things that one with Autism could market that would make them stand out? Without social skills there isn't much else to market. I mean there is talent but the problem with developing a product and "marketing" it, is that marketing requires social skills to do that which people on the spectrum lack and sadly not many areas have access to services to help with that. Kind of end up being a "Catch 22"...
30 Apr 2019, 7:31 pm
30 Apr 2019, 9:28 pm
AquaineBay wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I never doubted the old "Hi! My name is Fnord. May I join you?"
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me! ")
99 times out of a hundred they would say 'No'. The 1 time someone said 'Yes' made it all worthwhile.
Never give up.
...
(Now I'm waiting for the inevitable: "Oh, but Fnord, no one ever says 'Yes' to me!
")But when you have significant deficits in qualities that are almost universally required to elicit interest from your preferred sex, that poses a significant challenge. Additionally, generally, the more skewed towards rejection that your rejection-acceptance ratio is, the lower threshold you have for rejection. People who receive a lot of acceptance are able to feel better by focusing on those instances of acceptance when they are rejected, but conversely, several rejections for someone who is perpetually rejected just reinforce in their mind that they're not worthy, and are as such more taxing on that person.
This is why my opinion is that you need to develop a product worth marketing before taking it to market, so-to-speak. You are statistically more likely to be accepted if you have attractive qualities that appeal to the mainstream, and a "can-do" attitude than if you come packaged with dysfunction and a bunch of "I can't"s. A can-do attitude is developed by achieving in the face of adversity.
So I have a question: What are things that one with Autism could market that would make them stand out? Without social skills there isn't much else to market. I mean there is talent but the problem with developing a product and "marketing" it, is that marketing requires social skills to do that which people on the spectrum lack and sadly not many areas have access to services to help with that. Kind of end up being a "Catch 22"...
When I say market, I mean put yourself out there and get yourself in situations where you will come into contact with people you could potentially date. If you have your life together and have enough attractive qualities, then it's simply a matter of finding someone who's single and interested.
Obviously problems with social skills complicate things for many of us, but that doesn't mean you can't work on maximising them as best you can. You may never have great social skills, but unless you have severe deficits, it is likely that you can work on them enough to make them adequate. Moreover, those who are good socially tend to have a high level of confidence, so developing confidence through achievement in the face of adversity is likely to help.
The qualities that are generally necessary to find a relationship if you're a straight man are physical attractiveness, independence and financial stability. Physically, you don't have to be a male model but you do need to look good enough that you're not routinely perceived as below average, unless maybe you would be satisfied with a woman who would also be routinely perceived as below average. The importance of independence and financial stability increase with age. A 20 year-old guy might be able to get away with living at home and not earning the funds necessary to sustain an independent lifestyle, but that is less true for a 30 year-old, and even less true for a 40 year-old, etc.
